[wot i life]

Don't know what the solution is for you Hobo.
You may or may not know that I have had problems with my ex for over a decade now and still only see my daughters once in a while; when it suits her.
All I can say is, I genuinely sympathise with you and have felt the exact same pain for so long
Keep smiling, even when you're falling apart inside
Best wishes

Kev

[golfhobo]

Originally Posted by freebirdrfd

I can see it now, Hobo will write her a quick little note and just because of genetics she will reply with a 10 page response.

LOL... that really WAS funny Freebird! With my luck, tho... it will be the other way around!

But... I THINK I have made the decision. I couldn't have DONE so without all the help I've gotten here. My neighbor helped a little, too. And I did talk to my mom. Funny, tho... I mentioned it to my Dad, but never got much advice from him about it.

I DO remember your story, Kev. And thanks for your support.

I always DID want to talk about it to you, Twilight, but got stuck in procedures and formats. Then you got mad.

To be honest.... I didn't think it mattered, because I never thought I would find her! And, as I said, I thought she was better off without me.

Because of the testimonies here, I have concluded that it would be unfair for me to deny HER the decision. I owe her that much, at least.

As I said before, I have NEVER stopped looking for her, or loving her, or wanting to have her in my life. To deny us both that chance NOW, would make my whole life a LIE. And SOME of you might understand that I cannot abide a lie.

I've spent more than a hundred dollars or so in the last few weeks trying to get a valid phone number, as I preferred voice contact.... or an active and "verified" address to send a birthday card to. I have been ripped off and failed. I didn't WANT to have to do it as a PM on Facebook. But, that is what is left for me.

I don't WANT to believe in "angels" and divine providence... but, after two years of inactivity on her facebook page, she has been very active lately. Some of you can take that to mean what you wish. For me? I will not look a gift horse in the mouth!

Tomorrow is her birthday, and as it turns out, I don't have to go to work again until Wednesday.

So... tomorrow morning (now today) I will make that contact. I will either MAKE her day... or ruin it. Assuming, of course, that she will check her page on her birthday.

I think Hoggie said it best. There is NO turning back. Either way, MY life will forever be different. I have LIVED for this day. I cannot die without knowing.

Thank you ALL, again, so much for your input and support! I really didn't have ANYONE else to talk to about this.

I will post updates when I have them.

Hobo.

[sidman82]

Hobo, I have a step daughter. She has been with me since she was 5 years old. She is 21 and in College now. We have a very good relationship.
She is unhappy with alot of things sometimes. She tells me all the time about her Father not calling or sending a card. She feels unwanted because of him not contacting her. Even just to say hello how are you or I am proud of you. It would make her more complete. So, she does care and think about him.
Hope this helps. Good Luck.

[golfhobo]

NTR. I guess she didn't check her page on her birthday... or chose NOT to respond.

I gave her my email address and my phone number. I've checked both our Facebook pages. Nothing.

I am not surprised... tho, I am somewhat hurt.

I expected the worst. But, I remain optimistic. It has already had a positive effect on MY life.

For those who care... I'm doing okay. This was an important "step off" point in my life.

I DID what I always said I wanted to do! Big load off of my life!

It's no longer UP to me. Que Sera, Sera!

[Roadhog]

Give her more time.
I sometimes get a phone call, I'm not ready to answer, and put it off.
More likely she hasn't seen your message yet... but if she has... she may need some time.
It's going to be a big point in her life too... and she may need time to think, and discuss...maybe like a chip off the old block.
Glad you sent her your message, and I hope things work out. Keeping the faith...

[wot i life]

Originally Posted by golfhobo

NTR. I guess she didn't check her page on her birthday... or chose NOT to respond.

I gave her my email address and my phone number. I've checked both our Facebook pages. Nothing.

I am not surprised... tho, I am somewhat hurt.

I expected the worst. But, I remain optimistic. It has already had a positive effect on MY life.

For those who care... I'm doing okay. This was an important "step off" point in my life.

I DID what I always said I wanted to do! Big load off of my life!

It's no longer UP to me. Que Sera, Sera!

No vituperative comments in response though; that's positive, I would say so anyway.
You've clearly demonstrated that you CARE. She will consider that, I have no doubt.
Whatever the outcome, I for one am proud of you mate. Takes real guts to make that move. Good luck to you and very best wishes for you.
Kev

[golfhobo]

Originally Posted by Roadhog

Give her more time.
I sometimes get a phone call, I'm not ready to answer, and put it off.
More likely she hasn't seen your message yet... but if she has... she may need some time.
It's going to be a big point in her life too... and she may need time to think, and discuss...maybe like a chip off the old block.
Glad you sent her your message, and I hope things work out. Keeping the faith...

Thanks, Hoggie. I certainly understand it could be a big "choice" for HER, too. I am trying to BE patient... but, it is difficult. I used to only check my email about every two or three weeks. Now... I find me checking it every DAY! I check both our Facebook pages every chance I get. This is very stressful for me. The phone part is easy. I'm acting like an "expectant DAD!"

But, I KNEW it could BE like this... thanks to the many informative posts I've received on this thread. I've done my part. I am capable of handling whatever response (or lack of it) that I receive.

I always felt like I could handle this day, if and when it came. But, the support of my friends here on CAD is what made it all possible once I found her. I don't know if I could have followed thru without the support from ALL of you on CAD.

That doesn't mean I'm going to go EASY on any of you on the politics forum! LOL!

[golfhobo]

wot i life said:

No vituperative comments in response though; that's positive, I would say so anyway

Is that your favorite word? I had to check it out since it was so pertinent to my situation. [just kidding... it's IN my vocabulary.]

Of course, you are also right. NO news can BE good news in a situation like this... and certainly better than BAD news!

You've clearly demonstrated that you CARE. She will consider that, I have no doubt.

I would certainly HOPE so. And I thank you for the fact that YOU have proven that you care.

Whatever the outcome, I for one am proud of you mate. Takes real guts to make that move.

Guts?? What guts? I was RAILROADED into it by all my friends here on CAD! LOL.... just KIDDING!

It was something I always thought I could... and WOULD do... if I ever found her. But, I have made bad decisions before, when left to my own counsel.

This was a decision/action I thought I would never have (or have the opportunity) to make! When it appeared... I could NOT have gone forward without the counsel of my respected friends here on CAD. The positive support was almost overwhelming.

Good luck to you and very best wishes for you. ...Kev

Thanks, mate. And all the SAME to you!

Hobo.

[Musicman]

Hobo, you said you expected the worst. So far, in my opinion anyway, you haven’t gotten that. I agree with the previous few posters that perhaps she is taking some time to get her thoughts focused before she answers you. This could be as big a deal to her as it is to you, and look how long you’ve agonized over the situation before you finally got off the fence and did something. Don’t overlook that in Twilight Flyer’s situation, it took “a couple months” to get a reply. Like Roadhog pointed out, she IS your daughter and therefore might share your love of deep thought and analysis. For all you know, she’s fifty pages into a reply to you.

It is also entirely conceivable that she didn’t log onto her account since you sent your message. Are her profile settings such that you can see comments on her “wall”? If so, has there been any activity since you sent your message, e.g. her friends offering happy birthday wishes that she responded to? If her privacy settings are wide open, you should be able to look back at all her activity (posts) and get a feel for how active she is on Facebook. I know many people, like myself, only log on every once in a while. It could be that she won’t get your message for days or weeks.

Whatever happens, you will know that you at least made your best effort. Like you said, it’s in her hands now. I wish you the best of luck… I truly do hope this story has a happy ending.

[golfhobo]

Musicman said:

Hobo, you said you expected the worst. So far, in my opinion anyway, you haven’t gotten that. I agree with the previous few posters that perhaps she is taking some time to get her thoughts focused before she answers you. This could be as big a deal to her as it is to you, and look how long you’ve agonized over the situation before you finally got off the fence and did something. Don’t overlook that in Twilight Flyer’s situation, it took “a couple months” to get a reply. Like Roadhog pointed out, she IS your daughter and therefore might share your love of deep thought and analysis.

Thanks for your post... and I agree. I KNOW that a delay is not the worst that could happen. I can only IMAGINE what a shock it would be for her. I know what I'VE been thinking and feeling all these years. I don't know what SHE has thought.

For all you know, she’s fifty pages into a reply to you.

LOL! You guys are just NOT going to give me a break on this, are you!? I don't know whether to be proud or concerned if she turns out to be a "chip off the old block!"

It is also entirely conceivable that she didn’t log onto her account since you sent your message. Are her profile settings such that you can see comments on her “wall”? If so, has there been any activity since you sent your message, e.g. her friends offering happy birthday wishes that she responded to? If her privacy settings are wide open, you should be able to look back at all her activity (posts) and get a feel for how active she is on Facebook. I know many people, like myself, only log on every once in a while. It could be that she won’t get your message for days or weeks.

Don't know if you noticed or not, but the format changed on F/B about the time they went IPO. It's not as easy for me to tell anymore. But, I think she HAS been back on her page since I sent the message. I don't know if she noticed that she had a PRIVATE message or not. I haven't noticed any other birthday wishes, but... I'm not sure I'm able to SEE her wall without being a friend. I've seen posts from her friends on her PHOTOS page, but I don't know that I've ever been able to see her wall yet.

She has a cousin on F/B where I get to see everything she and her friends post. I either don't SEE that on her page... or she doesn't engage in conversations there. She recently started using an app for IOS... whatever that means (smartphone, I think.) So... she seems to be more active lately (as I said before) than she was in the first two years after joining. She's been adding new friends lately.

Whatever happens, you will know that you at least made your best effort. Like you said, it’s in her hands now. I wish you the best of luck… I truly do hope this story has a happy ending.

Yes, I think I've done the best I can at this time. I hope it has a happy ending, too. Whatever that is.

For those who are firm believers in God and providence, I have a comment that you will probably appreciate. I know I said some things on this thread that indicated I don't necessarily believe in all of that, but...

There were many times over the years that I thought it would not be good if I found her... just then. There was a time when I suffered from pretty severe depression. I drank a lot. I was so deeply in debt that I could not have afforded to see her if the opportunity arose. I was so down on myself that I would probably have messed up any such reunion to a great degree.

When I started trucking in 2005, MOST of the depression left me. I still had the debt, but as of this next month.... I will be debt free. I actually have some money saved up now, and I am in a much better position to afford the things that I feel are most important in my life.

If some of you wanted to nod your head and say, "see... God works in mysterious ways" or something.... I could not totally debate the thought. After all... I was the one who often told myself that I was not in a position to offer her anything if I found her. Now I am. And NOW I found her.

The implications of that are not lost on me.