All right, Doc. I will acquiesce and give in to the story bug, but only because you gave me a good opening with the snow story.
I live in the midwest, born in Ohio, grew up in Iowa, so am quite used to driving in adverse weather conditions. I made the move to Greensboro, NC, a number of years back and existed there for about 7 years total. One thing I really noticed about the south? Southern drivers can't drive a lick in rain, much less ice and snow. Another thing I noticed about the south? If the weather turns bad, grocery stores end up with a 3 for 2 stock split the next day.
So, to set the story, in the 7 years I was there, I saw snow once (10 inches, shut the city down for 3 days, even though the snow melted in less than 2) and ice once. While the snow incident allowed me to witness 5 accidents happen on my normally 9, this time 45 minute trip home, the ice incident was without a doubt, one of the more entertaining times I had at the expense of my southern neighbors.
As our story begins, the ice storm is moving in and giving us a misty rain at first. Seeing as I'm in need of picking up a couple gallons of milk at the store, I figure I better get there before all hell breaks loose. Afterall, when we got the 10 inches of snow in my first year there, I got to see a Kroger store stripped down to bare shelves. Even the dog food aisle was cleaned out.
So I hop in the car and hit the interstate on my way into town. Traffic on the interstate is restricted to the right lane with a top speed of about 15 mph...and the pavement is still dry. So, I get in the empy left lane and tool on down the road at a comfy 55 mph and quickly attract a highway patrol car. Needless to say, I get pulled over and the officer begins to lecture me about the dangers of driving in adverse conditions. When I pointed out the road was still dry, he hesitated a moment, before continuing. But when I told him I grew up in Iowa, he laughed, we chatted and he sent me on my way. It was that simple, since the officer, too, had grown up in the midwest.
During the time I was on the side of the road, though, the ice began to make it's presence known and by the time I got into town, it was starting to get pretty slick. I get down to the bottom of the dip in Cone Blvd and notice that at the very bottom of the hill, there is a little foreign car sitting dead smack in the middle of the road, straddling the centerline. I begin to make my way around him on the shoulder and notice that his windows are down and this little old Korean driver is hunched over the steering wheel, his knuckles white and his teeth clenched, completely oblivious to the outside world. He ignored my questions concerning his well-being and didn't respond when I asked him if he had any Grey Poupon (mustard), so I went on my merry way.
Destination? The Winn Dixie Supermarket.
I get there and pull into the parking lot and I swear, if you saw the scene you would think we were getting nuked. People are whipping their cars into the lot and leaving them wherever they end up, whether across 3 parking spaces or bumper-to-fender with another car. They are running to and from the store, falling on the ice, etc. I mean, they were in a clear panic and I had a feeling it would be quite the entertaining shopping session.
So I parked a safe distance away and made my way carefully across the icy parking lot and into the pandemonium of the store. If people were crazy outside, they were even crazier inside (probably because they had traction), yelling across the store to family members that were apparently on a mission or yelling at each other. A couple of the more memorable moments?
- In the canned food aisle, there was an Indian couple with two carts up against each other, literally pulling armloads of canned goods off the shelves and into their carts.
- I watched a rather large construction worker whip his cart around the end of an aisle and take out an end-cap potato-chip display. Bags of chips went everywhere and he simply steamrolled right over them. And I assume he was a construction worker because he was wearing a hardhat. Either that, or he considered it combat gear.
- In the milk aisle, they were obviously out of milk. There was a lady sitting on the edge of the refrigerated case, completely broke down and crying her eyes out. I swear, she had completely lost it, crying about them not having any milk and what would her children drink? Her husband was standing beside her, patting her back and doing his best to console her. My suggestion that he run her over to Charter (mental hospital) and have her evaluated was met with less than stellar enthusiasm.
So, not having any luck on getting milk, I mosied on out of the store, shaking my head in disbelief and chuckling. I slid my way across the parking lot to the Handy Mart that sat right on the corner and walked in. Sure enough, they had milk. It may have been twice the cost of the grocery store milk, but it was still milk. And apparently, in a fit of weather-insanity, people forget that grocery stores are not the only places you can buy milk. So, I made my purchase and slid my way back out into the parking lot, holding my jugs of milk and watching people running and sliding in and out of the Winn Dixie store.
If you were near me, you would probably have actually seen that little light bulb go on above my head because I got an evil grin, raised the milk above my head and yelled...
"Look everybody! MILK!"
In hindsight, that probably wasn't the smarted thing for me to do. Have you ever watched the movie 'The Lion King'? Do you remember the part where the wildebeests stampeded down the ravine and killed Simba's father?
This was worse.
And it was on ice.
Anyway, I barely made my escape with my milk intact, got myself out of the madness and headed home. I swear, the above story is true and not embellished in any way, other than telling it in a comical light. People literally do completely lose it in the south when the weather turns bad. Makes for some great afternoon entertainment.
And yes, the little Korean guy was still in his car at the bottom of Cone Blvd.
