[Goin Fer It]

Yoopr

I doubt the parents know what they are doing. But it is hard to say what the home life is like.

Many parents are in the mind set that their little angels would never do that and may attack me if I bring it out without the school being involved.

I agree about little gang bangers in the making.

Goin Fer It's Wife

[TimberWolf]

Goin Fer It wrote:
I just spoke with Rokk and he agrees that the parents may not be the best option. He said they could be the type that would be in denial. He feels that it may be best to go to the school administrators since it is occurring at school and first find out how they would handle this and what their policies are. Then let the administrators at the school deal with the parents.

Your right they may be in denial, However speaking for myself I would want to be able to say I tried to fix the problem first by talking with the parents, If they are the my kid is an angel type of parent then go to the next level, the school, and follow this path all the way through.
How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot and your 15 year old drop kicks some kid after school and the parent goes to the school or police before talking with you... Just a thought to think about.
Give the parents a chance first we all deserve that in the least. If it does not work then move up the ladder.

It Is What It Is...

Timberwolf

[Goin Fer It]

TimberWolf

I agree with some of what you said that many parents may not know what their kids are doing.

But I am sure that they know what type of music and what type of shows they watch. Parents can't let the kids read, watch and listen to things and expect them not to have any impact on their lives.

As I use to tell my son "Garbage In" "Garbage comes out". And there are many parents unfortunately like my brother that have no clue that everything they watch and here and the kids that they hang out with are going to have far more of an impact than parents at a certain age.

I think if my son just told them they should not hurt or mess with his sisters that would be enough that they would have an understanding. Actually I think if they saw my son and at one point my daughter said something about her brother not wanting them to mess with her that would be sufficient. I would not allow my son to use full force against someone that small. Maybe grab them by the arms and scare the daylights out of them. But if a boy at 10 years old hits a girl he needs to understand that he is not to do that.

Goin Fer It's Wife

[Goin Fer It]

Originally Posted by TimberWolf

How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot and your 15 year old drop kicks some kid after school and the parent goes to the school or police before talking with you... Just a thought to think about.
Give the parents a chance first we all deserve that in the least. If it does not work then move up the ladder.

It Is What It Is...

Timberwolf

Timberwolf,

I would not care how I found out as long as I did find out about it. If the parents do not handle it then my daughter is at school facing the repercussions of it.


What if I was a parent that thought well boys will be boys and my son drop kicked the kid again for telling? Would you feel safe putting your kid in that situation?

I am the type of parent that would want to know and would straighten things out. But many are not.

Goin Fer It's Wife

[Useless]

Ultimately, I think what it comes down to is your daughter, the choices that she makes, and the relationship that she has with you. The fact that she was willing to discuss this with you speaks highly for her trust that she has in you.

I appreciate your desires to want to "fix" the situation, but the way I see it is that these kids would not be making these choices if some other things in their lives were not amiss. Consequently, going to the other kids' parents could prove to be counterproductive in the end.

Do I recommend talking with your daughter's teachers and her school counselor?? Absolutely!! I think that it would most certainly be in her best interest for you to do so.

When our daughter (11 going on 19!!) as been confronted with similar situations, we have always turned her thoughts back towards her; meaning that we ask her to look at the situation, and the choices that her peers are making, and asking her if that is the type of person she wants to be. During those conversations, we have always emphasized that if she did make the wrong choices, then we would still love her.

Rather than focus upon potential punishment, we challenge her to consider the consequences of her decisions and actions, the damage and the harm that she risks causing herself, and the doors of opportunity that she risks closing.

The rule in our home is that all of us will make the wrong decisions in life at some time or another. If she finds herself in that situation, then the sooner we find out about it, the better we will be able to help her. As I have told her many times, "I have to trust you to come to me and tell me the truth." "In return, you have to trust me to know that when you do, I will do everything that I can to help you"!!

Your daughter is at an age where much of the world is changing very suddenly and unexpectedly. In situations such as yours, children need to be able to "check in", and be reassured of where they stand with their parents, and whether or not their parent's love for them is truly unconditional.

So far, from what you have shared with us, she has done an excellent job of making the right choices in life. That means that somewhere along the way, you and your husband have done a lot of things right!!

Peace, Prayers, and Blessings,
Useless

[yoopr]

choices if some other things in their lives were not amiss. Consequently, going to the other kids' parents could prove to be counterproductive in the end.


Once in awhile You're right on Useless and that's why I said what I said. If a Kid was on Drugs the only reasons the Parents wouldn't know about it would be 1). Denial-2). They're on drugs themselves.

[Goin Fer It]

Originally Posted by Useless

Do I recommend talking with your daughters teachers and her school counselor?? Absolutely!! I think that it would most certainly be in her best interest for you to do so.

Rather than focus upon potential punishment, we challenge her to consider the consequences of her decisions and actions, the damage and the harm that she risks causing herself, and the doors of opportunity that she risks closing.

The rule in our home is that all of us will make the wrong decisions in life at some time or another. If she finds herself in that situation, then the sooner we find out about it, the better we will be able to help her. As I have told her many times, "I have to trust you to come to me and tell me the truth." "In return, you have to trust me to know that when you do, I will do everything that I can to help you"!!


Peace, Prayers, and Blessings,
Useless[/color]

One thing I do also stress is the consequences of their decisions. Because when they are older if they make the wrong choices or mistakes their will be harsh consequences and ones that by that time parents won't be able to help their children.

I know she does not want to be that type of person. I pray over my kids every day before I let them out of my mini-van.

I do not want the boys messing with her or hurting her though.

I will go in tomorrow and speak with the school administrators. There are only eight kids in her class so it is small.

If it is not dealt with and they begin to mess with her, I will pull her out and home school her. And I may very well have to think about doing that with my 7 year old too, as I would not want to leave her in the school without her sister there.

I have the school desk and everything still from when I home-schooled them a few years back. I would just need to get the curriculum.

Thank you for the blessings! It has seemed like I have been under an attack lately!

Goin Fer It's Wife

[Useless]

Coming from you, Yooper, I take that as quite a compliment.

Thanks!!

[yoopr]

Nobody is attacking you.

[Goin Fer It]

Originally Posted by yoopr

choices if some other things in their lives were not amiss. Consequently, going to the other kids' parents could prove to be counterproductive in the end.


Once in awhile You're right on Useless and that's why I said what I said. If a Kid was on Drugs the only reasons the Parents wouldn't know about it would be 1). Denial-2). They're on drugs themselves.

Number 3: Parents are to self-involved with their own lives to care about their kids. They leave the government and other people to raise their kids.

Number 4: They are not involved with their kids lives and they want their kids to handle their own problems. They need to grow-up. I saw this with my brother. No real parental intervention until it was to late. It is like well there were drugs and this and that when I was in school and I am fine now!

My brother does not smoke cigarrettes but his now 19 year old son who is in rehab and has been for a year started when he was about 11. And his 17 year old son started about 12. He did not put a stop to it or find out where they were getting money to pay for their cigarrettes.

The 17 year old now chews tobacco instead of smoking and my brother made him get a job so I hope he will stay out of trouble. But with his friends it will be tough. They are the wrong kind of kids headed down a bad path.

Goin Fer It's Wife