Oh, wow. Looks like you've already started the process. I'm not used to the "thread" thing and just saw all the messages above. Very cool.

 

It's okay. I almost felt sorry, reading your long post, that you invested so much without reading the end of the story. But, then I enjoyed what you said so much, I'm glad it worked out that way. Thanks for taking the time... and for the support.

 

You can send a private message thru facebok and only she will see it good luck

 

Thanks, but here's a tip: If you can't read the whole thread before posting, please read a few of the last posts before responding. We're on page 7. You are apparently still on the first page. I'm pretty sure ALL message boards operate in a similar fashion. Just sayin'

 

...reminds me of how behind my log book usually is/was...depending on what the definition of is, is.

 

There's no excuse for being behind on a log book. That being said.... I am still puzzled by a certain provision in the reg concerning ROD's. It seems that, IF you have the last 6 (or 7) days logs in your possession.... you are supposed to be given TIME to bring the current day's log up to date. WTF? I thought it was supposed to be current as of your last change of duty status! If I can totally "fudge" the current day's log.... I can do almost anything!

But, this is off topic! SO far off... it seems.... that, I guess, my thread has run its course! BUT.... I got 7 pages out of it! lol!

But, wait! I promised another discussion of what finding my daughter has COST me! THAT should be good for another page or two!

So... let's get down to it before I lose my audience for good!

 

First... as everyone who has read the thread knows.... I stopped paying child support shortly after my ex-wife took my daughter overseas and I got NO info on where she was or how to contact (let alone ever SEE) her again. I've read that it takes somewhere around $200k to raise a child up to (or maybe including) college. [I think the figure was a bit lower 30 years ago when she was born.]

So.... I have "skated" on that. NO other way to say it. As I've said... I've made my peace with my decision, but that doesn't mean I don't realize what my wife and her new husband paid to raise "our" child!

Of course, there was the "anullment" of our marriage by the Catholic church. So... SOME might say I was "morally" (if not legally) absolved of that responsibility.

I never quite saw it that way. What I saw was that I didn't want to throw my money away on raising someone else's kids. Or, on whatever else I had no control of... and no benefit from.

But, even in the deepest of depressive states, when I would drink and cry myself to sleep over missing my daughter, I dreamed of the day that I MIGHT know her again... as an adult.... or younger. And I made MYSELF a promise. I promised myself (and her... in absentia) that I would make sure she had a college education IF that was the only thing I could do!

Truthfully? At that time.... there was NO way I could have done it. I went through some really bad years! But, I have always known that I could DO whatever I needed to do. Then, I found her! And, almost everything was forgiven between us. But.... nothing was forgotten by me.

Just as I once said, "my whole life would be a lie if I didn't take this chance to communicate with her," so it would be if I welched on my own promise to myself!

Thankfully, my daughter DID go forward with a college education (before I found her.) And, thankfully, I am in a better financial position now (though still coming out of bad times.) I'm sure her "parents" helped her with her first two years... which were years ago... but, she recently graduated with an Accounting degree at this advanced age. She has two kids to raise.... and a student loan. NOT a huge one, but.... large enough!

She didn't ASK for anything from me. But.... this was my moment to step up and prove to anyone who might question it, that I WOULD help support my daughter! So.... I have told her that I am committed to paying MOST of her college loan off. My part will come to about $30k. [Only $40k total.] This will relieve alot of stress, I hope, for her as she embarks on life with a family to raise.

I am not unaware that this will be $30k less that I could have saved or invested for my retirement (which I am late to start funding.) But, that makes no matter to me. My WORD is my BOND! That is how I have always lived. I will be making payments for the next 10 years. And that is all the years I have left to work before I hope to retire. If I have to work longer... I will. Probably would have had to anyway. If I have to eat beans and rice in my old age? I will! I have done it before.

And, I have done more.... and will continue to. I remember all the help I got from MY father through those tough years starting out. I am not trying to "buy" her love.... just as my father never considered it that way. I truly believe she is coming around to SOME kind of "love-type" feeling for me. She's getting used to calling me DAD when she originally thought she might not be able to. It's ONLY been about 6 months! We've spent some time together... which was essential to our relationship and our future.

Anyone who thinks... and would want to opine... that she may be "playing me," just keep it to yourself. I'm WAY ahead of you in that department. IF it should happen that way... I probably DESERVE it! But... I think I know my daughter. She is JUST like me! lol! I've ALWAYS "known" her.... even tho we were apart. And, this is something I need to do for ME. And.... it was MY idea.

There's a little bit more.... but, I think I want to see where THIS goes first.

 

I don't see your situation as you skated on anything. You were paying support, until they cut you totally out of the picture, and didn't want your money, or anything from you. Matter of fact, they stole your daughter from you, by making it impossible for you, to be in the picture in any way.... at least that's my take, and they robbed your daughter from her true father, even lying to her for years. Screwed you up big time too.

Keeping a promise you made to yourself is good, it's huge, if you still feel the promise is valid, and not something made up out of raw emotion of misplaced guilt.

You too have to find peace and healing, to be able to move forward, and however you choose to include yourself in your daughters life, it's a huge blessing.
Help her however you can, and don't forget to take care of no.1

 

I am glad that you have established a good relationship with your daughter. What her mother did was wrong and may have contributed to your "liberalism." lol.

 

it's nice to see that you're moving forward with the relationship and now experiencing other aspects of being a dad, not just the surface feel good hi how ya doin', isn't it a beautiful day stuff. grasshopper is making some jumps!