[RedRaven]

Not wanting to be involved with a man who is a drinker, or uses drugs, or has a "short" temper (abusive), or has an ex-wife to deal with, and or children from a previous marriage to deal with, or is a sports fan, isn't being picky... :roll: :lol:

If I don't have kids, don't drink, don't do drugs, don't have a short temper (not abusive), don't have an "ex" to deal with, and am not a "sports" fan. Then "he" is getting a great deal, if you want to look at it from another perspective.

So, why shouldn't I expect the same from him?... That's not being picky, that is common sense. I'm not looking for a relationship with a man in which I'm not going to be happy. Otherwise there is no point in getting involved in the first place.

Believe it or not, there are men out there who don't have the flaws, or baggage I've mentioned above, and I know they are out there.

I know several men (friends) personally, who do not have the issues stated above to deal with in their lives. They are hard working, very successful men, who have devoted themselves to their careers, or own their own businesses. Some of them would like to be married, and haven't met someone they would consider their match, and some are simply not interested in being married, and are just enjoying being single. So, you can't say they are being picky, if they wouldn't be interested in choosing a woman who had similar issues.

I would bet that there are not a lot of men out there who are interested in getting involved with a woman who is a drunk, does drugs, has an ex, or children to have to deal with, is short tempered (abusive). That they would consider marrying.

Like I said before, I'm not interested in being in the 60% divorce rate statistics.

Oh, and by the way, I've had 3 offers of marriage. I turned them down, because I knew I couldn't picture myself spending the rest of my life with them, knowing them as I did. They simply were not my match.

If I was in a hurry to get married, I could have married a long time ago. They say, the best things in life, comes to those who wait. Well, I have a lot of patience... :lol: :wink: 8)

[Roadhog]

I agree with much of what you've had to say.

I am single as well, and I'm accepting that by living my life as I would even if I were in a relationship. By that I mean, I am living life fully, being myself and having goals and a sense of purpose, and being happy with who I am, and what life is giving me.

There are of course compromises good and bad in a relationship, but one thing must be foundation for the relationship to grow and flourish. That is...both mates must be living their own life in order to have something to share in the relationship. Anytime one sacrifices too much of themselves for the other, then the relationship begins to fail.

You make solid points in what is basic for a good foundation. I agree friendship is very important, and having common interests.
I have raised horses most of my life. For the most part, my lady friends shared my love for horses. Oddly, one lady I favored the most, had no interest in horses, and consequently, she resented the time and attention my horse got and was unaware of her jealousy. It strained our relationship, so much I ended up selling the horse, and it became one of my greatest mistakes and regrets. I became miserable. I gave up too much of myself.

One day a couple years later, I drove by the pasture my horse was now living at. He saw me and came at a full gallop screaming....literally screaming. I stopped and shared some heartfelt reunion with him. It broke my heart so much, I cried like a baby, and still am affected by this today.

I went home and ended my relationship...as much as I loved her...it was over.

You know...honestly, I was a bit excited when I read your "yardstick" for a potential mate. I measure up completely...but as my friend "Windwalker" pointed out...two strong personalities are not a good combination. I've been around enough to know this as well. I am very easy going....but if a woman wanted me to submit too much to her ...I would find it easy going and not coming back.
Don't misunderstand my position on this. I just find it best in my relationships that I am the leader of the household. I am not a butthead misogynist...or a macho man, so I hope this is not a point of offense. There are men who need or want a strong woman....I am just not one of them.

Personally, I think you are choosing the wrong category of men for yourself. I think most if not all Truckers, Farmers, Construction workers, etc. are going to be Stallions.
I think you are looking for a Gelding...and one you can corral...while you run free.

Maybe that is a crude assumption, but I think it does seem to me anyway, that you wish to "wear the pants" lets say. Nothing wrong at all with that...believe me...both my older sisters are very strong women. They are extremely successful, and even in their relationships. I wish I could run my own life so well. They both have married men who submit to their will...and it works. One sister is 56 years old and married her High School sweetheart. They are such a perfect couple...I am so happy and proud. Testament love can work. Hey...both my sisters Boss me around...and I continually benefit from their input and strength...but I don't have to live with them. :lol:

I am not insensitive to your hopes and desires. I do wish you well. I for one just feel you are not looking in the right place for your "ideal man."
But...I guess I am no authority on that. hehehe :shock:
Who knows where love can be found?

My Mother always told me to not go looking too hard for love. The right one will come to you, as it is God's Blessing to give. You can and many do provide their own Blessing...I have learned that does not work, and how right my Mother was.
I have had the perfect mate, and I blew it. I think God tried to Bless me again, and I blew that too. Well...all I can say is it is tough being alone, but you must learn to love life, and be grateful for the many, many Blessings you do have. All things work for the best. I blew my chances in love...but looking back...I would have made a mess of things.

Maybe I will have another companion...I trust my Mother's wisdom, and I trust in God this time to provide. Regardless, I am not going to be foolish nor disregard all I have learned from, through my many mistakes.

....and meanwhile...I will be happy and strive to be "normal and stable"
:lol: :lol: :lol: Oh...God.... :shock: ....I see the problem! :P :?

[Roadhog]

Oh....P.S.....no one here suggested me for you.... :lol:

:evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil:






Well...it shows people here do care about you. :lol:

[Jackrabbit379]

Very well said. :lol:
You doin a fine job, come on! :P :lol:
:?

[Roadhog]

Yeah...Jack... :roll:
Y'all know me too well...and you'd be my friend most surprised if I ever said
I found a woman who actually let me touch her, without a SLAP.

As usual...I said too much. :lol:

[Jackrabbit379]

Hmmmmm. :lol:
Uh, yeah, uh...Hmmm. :P
:?

[Roadhog]

I want to share some further thoughts.

I received a PM which was polite, but pointed out that if a woman is married to a Trucker...the woman must be strong too, in order to carry on the responsibilities of the home, while the man is driving.

Absolutely. Being parents is serious business, and requires both being strong as well as supportive of each other. When two people enter a relationship, they first have to be sure they can compliment each other. If they are adding children into the relationship, already existing, or new...all the more reason they need to be in sync.
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I guess I generalized too much. I don't mean being head of a household automatically means the other mate...male or female is therefore weak.

Each can be strong in their own capacity, which adds to the relationship. Often those relationships that do well, each mate has strengths which the other does not. It is my opinion you can share strengths, but in the case of leadership...I believe one or the other has to accept that role.

I believe a good relationship...ie. family structure, is like a small Democratic government. You have a President and a Vice-President who lead the Administration. Both are strong leaders, but one serves at the pleasure of the other, yet fully capable to assume the leadership role, if required.

There are many examples in both Mankind, and the Animal Kingdom about the dynamics of a family. No need to analyze this too much.

I do expect what I had to say will ruffle some feathers.

I know a lot of words but not so good at composition. I am opinionated...and sometimes should just keep it to myself.
I will admit right now I am likely wrong in some instances. I am divorced, and have many failed relationships. That should tell you something right there.
I do mean well in what I had to offer, and I'm sharing the essence of a PM with you, because honestly...I was expecting ......................

this :lol: :arrow:

[eastern ontario]

RH,

You are a wise person RH. We as humans have much to offer and share in wisdom and experiences. If done with courtesy, no one should be shamed for expressing their opinion, some may not agree with it. This simply means that they are not required to choose the same path.

I hope you find your love oneday RH. Take care.

[RedRaven]

RoadHog, let me clarify something. Some people think an independent woman IS a strong woman. To me that means she can take care of herself, without having to rely on others to do things for her.

Also, I did mention that I'm not looking for a "Traditional" relationship. What I mean by that, is one that the man thinks he is in complete control, makes all the final decisions, and basically thinks the woman should be submissive to him, and not have a mind of her own, or an opinion of her own.

I'm interested in a relationship of "EQUALITY".... No one in the relationship is any better, or more important then the other. That everything is done equally, and the responsibilities are shared equally. Decisions are discussed, and made in equal agreement.

Sure you can compromise on what color to paint a room, there are many things you can discuss, and compromise on.

But, in a relationship that you want to have work well, and run smoothly, both people have to be able to work together, not apart.

The reason our country is in the mess it is in, is because we have Republicans, and Democrats, that both refuse to budge from their own positions on topics. In the end, nothing gets done, and everyone is unhappy with the outcome. :roll: :sad: :x

I think you were correct to dump that woman who didn't like your horse. Unfortunately for you, and the horse, the decision came to late. It is a shame you couldn't have gotten the horse back. :sad:

Now, if you had met me, I happen to love horses, have loved them since I was an infant. I have a photo of me as a baby riding on the back of a Medicine hat horse one of our distant relatives owned, on their farm.

They say that children become the adults they will be, in the first 3 years of their life, from what they are exposed too, and what they learn, that shapes their interests, and personality. Well, I was exposed to the farm life, horses, dogs, cats, the great outdoors, wilderness, nature, and a rural area. I've always loved that lifestyle, and always will.

I'm not a crowd person, because of my early childhood, being in a rural area, I played more with animals, then having the opportunity to play with other children, since they lived far away. Doesn't mean I don't like people, it just means, I'm not a person who needs, or wants a large group of people around me.

That's why I'm an independent person. I simply grew up to be happy with my own company much of the time, and became a creative person because of it.

It may explain why I've never had the urge to have kids, and thus marry young to have a "family" with kids. I have a married brother who has 3 young kids. If I want to be around kids, I can always visit them. :wink:

I also used to say, I would never get married. Because I simply was content to be single. But, as I stated before, with age comes wisdom, and now that I'm older, I wouldn't mind being married to a man I could consider my best friend, and closest companion. After all I am human, and I'm not a recluse. I prefer having a few quality, close, friends, then to have a large group of just aquaintence type friends. But, that's just me.

Maybe the reason you've been divorced, was because you just didn't truly consider the type of woman who would be your best match. Like you said, giving up a horse you loved dearly, for a woman, to me was a bad idea. You can't give up who you are, to try to please someone else. That never works.

You can be yourself, you just have to find someone who is a lot like you as well. The more compatible you are, the better off you will be.

If you liked living in the country, you certainly wouldn't want to marry a woman who loved living in the city, would you?...

Well, don't compromise on the basics, compromise on the color you want to paint a room instead... :wink: Understand what I'm trying to say?... :wink:

I used to work on a Dairy Farm many years ago. I know more about Cattle, then anyone (I also worked with horses at one time). I used to work with a man who I was friends with, before I went to work on the same farm. We worked together as equal partners. You worked as a team, that's how you got things done. You shared ideas when there were problems to solve, and the decisions were based on who had the better idea. Or, you tried both, if the other person felt strongly about their idea, and you simply looked at the results. Which ever idea worked best, then that person got the credit. But, you also worked apart, doing your independent tasks, you knew what you were doing, and you did it with confindence. You didn't need someone with you all the time to "hold" your hand, to get the job done. I enjoyed working independently, I took great pride in my own accomplishments. But, I also took great satisfaction in the work we did together as well. When you work cattle, actual lives depend on whether you can work together, or independently, and whether you make the right decisions.

I'm sure having owned horses, you know they depend on you for your insight into their health, observing their behavior, diagnosing their condition, and knowing how to treat any problems. Relationships are very similar. You have to observe, diagnose, and treat any problems that may arise, to insure the health, and well being of the relationship.

If you don't do this when working with animals, animals get sick, and die. If you don't do this with a relationship, the relationship gets sick, and dies. See what I mean?... :wink:

Marriage isn't a battle ground for who's in charge, who gets the most attention, who throws out the trash. It is supposed to be a marriage that unites people in a common goal. That is to love, honor, and cherish one another, to build a life together that you both basically find happiness, joy, and contentment from the relationship, and from the marriage.

If you want to be in the 60% divorce rate, then look for a relationship that has a lot of negatives, opposites, and friction.

If you want a successful relationship, and or, marriage then find that person who shares your dreams, goals, ideas, personality, and interests. If you think that may sound boring, then agree to go out once in a while together and try new things, see new places. Explore the world around you, seek adventure in life, together. :wink:

Don't know how old you are RoadHog, or whether you have kids, but, I can say I do share your passion for horses.... :wink: Oh, and as a bit of observation, you also appear to be a man who likes to be lite hearted, and has a sense of humor. Those are good qualities to have Roadhog... :wink:

I myself also like to be easy going, relaxed, I do not like stress, or tension. It's not good for your well being, and I also like to joke around, sometimes I have a bit of a sarcastic sense of humor. But, at least I do have a sense of humor... :lol: :wink:

[Ridge Runner]

Maybe RR and RH need some alone time :wink: . Sorry I needed to post something to get off of post # 666. ( yea, right )