Originally Posted by matcat

Firstly, your scenario of 6 months down the line, another rear ender, is it possible? Of course, anything could happen, but that is like saying that once a person has an accident (Circumstances around it mean nothing), they are sure to repeat it, and that is bologna! I don't deny its possible, but it's also possible with a driver driving for 30 years with a perfect record too, hell it's possible that every single truck in the country could get in a rear ender all tonight! Anything is possible. But the reality is, the chance of my doing it again is extremely low now, because I learned my lesson from it, where is in the eye of that safety coordinator, or that insurance agent, it's a 100% sure fire bet it's going to happen, that is how they see it, they don't care that it was foggy, they don't care that I say I learned my lesson. And yes, I honestly I would probably feel somewhat similarly to them if in their shoes, I just don't feel its right! That a mistake can completely shut you down, for pretty much good! I could probably get a local job tomorrow if I lied on my application, but I won't do it. Now I'm stuck probably going to have to take a non-driving job, and then when enough time has past, reguardless of the fact that I have my CDL, I will end up having to redo schooling all over again to drive, therefor making an entire 6 months of my life, plus the time and work to get my CDL in the first place, useless and for nothing. You know I was a computer programmer before I got into this, I got out of it because I landed my dream job in computers, did it for 6 months, and got laid off, I felt like my world was torn from me, so after way too long a time of sitting around doing absolutely nothing and feeling rather rotten, I decided to try something I had thought about before, driving a truck. From the time I made my decision to the time I was driving was less then a month! I was very determined, even after researching and reading all of the negativity, the crap that goes on in the industry, the poor image, the rather crappy pay. I made it through all the crap to get my CDL, got with a trainer, and did it, then went solo. I loved every damn minute of it, from the second I woke up, till the second I fell asleep, I loved every bit of it from the crap on the CB, to arguing with my DM on the QC. Hell I even loved the chalanges of hooking/unhooking a damn trailer on the ice, why? Because it was a chalange, something new every day. Working for swift you know my pay sure as hell wasn't very good, and you know I listened to a lot of crap on the CB all day long, but you know what, I didn't care because I loved what I was doing. Even when I was working my dream job I didnt have the drive, ambition, or the love for the work as I did driving that truck. If I could take back that accident in any shape way or form, believe me I would, not to get rid of the damn consequences, but so I could continue doing something I finally found in life that I actually enjoyed doing. While driving I tried to keep myself from doing anything stupid to loose what I had, and you know what, I managed to find a way to make a mistake despite my efforts, so maybe now you will understand why I am defending myself so hard, because believe me on the other side of your computer screen, I am kicking myself in the ass all day long over it. just yesterday I drove over into an industrial park (to fill out an application), after I was down and came outside, sat in my mini-van for a few minutes watching the various trucks going by, and when I went to go pull out, I actually went to release the air brakes, my mind had slipped back into the mindset like I was in a truck again, watching all the trucks going in and out, and you know what, I about broke down and cried right then and there, cause I knew )(and know) I probably won't be driving one again any time soon, and you know what, it sucks, it feels worse then when I lost that programming job that had been my dream job since I was about 8 years old. So go ahead anyone else who wants to speak sh|t.