[BigBird01]

Just my outlook on it I don't drive flatbed, so not real sure about that part of it I do know it is better money specially at TMC. I drive for swift, I am single and do not have any debts. I stay with friends when I am home. I have a friend that also drives for swift and makes 15.00 an hour, and is home every night. He grosses more than I can make on the CPM that is even driving 3000+. And he is home every night with his family.

Also the cost of living on the road to start is just unbelievable. Alot of people don't think of road expenses when you are away from home. And until you know how to budget yourself out here alot of your money is going to go towards expenses out here. I feel in your situation, taking on any OTR trucking would put you in the hole more than what you are in now.

Don't get me wrong it is a great job, but I do it because I want to. I have always wanted to see the USA and what better way to do it for free

[lifespalette]

Tattoo........ I'm just taking a wild guess here, but I think you have more problems than just his lack of drive right now. Both of you need to talk with some qualified medical specialist. From what you have said, he very well may be be suffering from one of the post traumatic stress conditions..... the lack of communication with you to discuss the issues. The situation with his mother, may very well be his safety blanket.........it's safe there, it's something he knows. I would suggest you both get help.

Someone here has already posted the fact that his driving a tanker delivering heating oil 1 day a week means nothing as far as driving experience. He'll need at least 6 months to a year OTR experience to open doors that will pay better and get him home regularly.

To be honest with you, right now OTR isn't the answer to your problems.......in fact I think you can safely bet it will compound both yours and his problems., and could very well be the final nail in the coffin in regards to your marriage. OTR he's going to be out on the road anywhere from 4-6 weeks at a time, then he's going to get a couple of days off and then he'll be right back out there for another 4-6 weeks. You're going to have to hold down the home front by yourself. His first year he's going to gross in the mid $30K range........that's gross, not net. If he makes $35k his first year........and you take 52 weeks at 40 hrs per week, that works out to about $16.87 per hour..........now you have to remember, OTR ain't 40 hours per week and it's not 5 days

If you use the Hours of Service that we're under..........60/7........$35K breaks down to about $11.22 per hour. In real life, his first year, things are going to be alot tighter then the seem now...................what's that going to do to your marriage? Being OTR, he's going to miss alot of birthdays, your anniversary, holidays and any other functions that he now gets to attend...............those two babies you have, while he's out on the road they'll learn to walk, talk, run and everything else little ones do as they grow up. Daddy's going to be that guy who comes home every 4-6 weeks...........

I would suggest you two sit down and really talk about this............most folks fail in driving because of finances, the loneliness, and the time away from home..............and we don't like to talk about it, but more than a few marriages have ended in divorce because of the stress put on the marriage because the husband is gone more than he's home. It's a job filled with frustrations, stress and in the first year, very little financial rewards.

You say he can't stand up to his mother................the DM's will eat him up and spit him out........he'll be used, abused and discarded when and if he gets fed up with it.

IMOH, he doesn't sound like he's in any mental condition right now to go OTR...........and not meaning to sound crass here, you may very well be looking at an insurance settlement if he goes out there. It's hard enough to handle with your head on straight.............there have been more than a few nights I was more than willing to just get out of the truck and start walking....... after you've been up before the sun, sat waiting for your box to be loaded, put up with the rude consignors and consignee, sat in traffic on the loop around Atlanta or any other big city, dealt with stupid 4 wheelers, searched for a slot in some grimy TS so you could get some sleep..........and everything else we face on a daily basis.......it does stuff to your head and your thinking sometimes........and the next day we get to get up and start it all over again..............

On second thought............forget it............I don't want your husband out here on the road ........not in the condition he's in right now. He's an accident just waiting to happen...........we got enough loose cannons out here as it is..........

Sorry to be so blunt, but this job is hard.........harder than most think and with the problems you've described here.........I give your husband a 1 on a scale of 1 - 10 that he can cut it out here right now. I'd give your marriage a 2 of lasting and that's only in light of the kids.

[BigBird01]

Very well said!

[dragracert99]

does his mother love those kids?
If so ,use them as a tool to get him and you more money!
Just tell her straightout about the money situation and that you think they are using him.
Tell her you need x amount of dough or the kids will go.
After all it's not like they are being helpful and compassionate about him.
Not only is he thier son but he was also a soldier who protected thier freedom, that is worth a ton.
Unfortunatly to many places take ADVANTAGE of soldiers!!!!!!!!!!
You are in a fight for your life right now and the best defense is a good offense.
Think about this seriously, what would you do if in thier shoes?

[rebajosh]

Originally Posted by brian

he has no tractor trailer experience, they deliver oil to homes in straight trucks.


personally it sounds like ya married a bitch and need to get divorced, doesn`t wanna work, doesnt stand up to momma, seemingly disregards his familys well being.

Keep in mind we are only getting one side of the story here Brian. The guy just got back from a war zone. I've been there done that. I'd cut him a little slack. That can really mess ya up for a while.

Perhaps the original poster can pick up a copy of the book "Proper care and feeding of husbands".

[tattookitty]

Wow, thanks everybody for your thoughts. It's a lot to respond to, but please let me say, I'm not trying to be a bad wife. I'm really not. This money thing has been going on for months, and I'm just grasping at straws here trying to keep everything afloat. I love my husband more than anything, and we've been through a lot together in our lives (we've been together since we were 14, we're both 27 now) I think it would be the most ridiculous thing if we ended up getting divorced over money.

As far as him being away... if that's what he has to do, that's what he has to do. We're military, it's nothing I'm not already used to. Not trying to sound cold about that, but as far as missing birthdays, holidays, anniversaries.. even entire pregnancies and the birth of one of our children.. been there, done that. That's what we signed up for when he went in the Army, and to me, that's not a significant problem. I take care of everything while he's here anyway, he doesn't do anything around the house - he plays XBox when he gets home from work, comes up for dinner, wipes his mouth, and does whatever he wants. I'm doing all the housework, the baths, everything anyway - so he might as well not be here. I don't think I'd care as much about the money if he helped me out more, but as far as I'm concerned he might as well not be here.

I'm going to make him an appointment on Monday with his old psychologist. He's already on medication from before the deployment for depression - so maybe she can either help him (if he needs it) or give him a kick in the ass. He's been home for almost a year now, and if it IS PTSD, I feel badly that I didn't see enough symptoms to worry about it until now. If it's not, he needs to pull his act together (one way or another) and take care of his family before he loses us.

Thanks for not flaming me. I asked about this problem elsewhere and was told that the only reason I wanted him "gone" was because I was a money hungry bitch (wanting to pay the mortgage is definitely evil, right?) and wanted to have my boyfriend over. Seriously, that made me turn off the computer and cry. Like I said, I'm just to the point of grasping at straws here.[/u]

[GoldiesPlating]

Originally Posted by tattookitty

Thanks for not flaming me. I asked about this problem elsewhere and was told that the only reason I wanted him "gone" was because I was a money hungry bitch (wanting to pay the mortgage is definitely evil, right?) and wanted to have my boyfriend over. Seriously, that made me turn off the computer and cry. Like I said, I'm just to the point of grasping at straws here.

What does your boyfriend do? Maybe he can drive?
LOL JUST KIDDING!!! Hope u smiled. Sounds like you two will EVENTUALLY be "ok". (I hope so) You've been together since you were kids. It'd be a damn shame to let it end without first giving it your best effort. So far, you're trying. Being on here is evidence of that. Whether your efforts pay off remain to be seen but I, for one, wish you both luck and eventual success and happiness.

[stevedb28]

You need to realize hes going to do what he wants to, you can affect his decisions but the decision is ultimately his alone. You see a problem, he may not. He may be willing to just get by and still be with you everyday as opposed to making a boatload of money and barely get to see you. You both have to be on the same page either way.
You are asking a lot of people a lot of things but you arent asking the single most important person your husband. He may not give you what you feel is a good reason, but like most of us men, we may not give you the exact reason because it may make us look like a wimp or something, so you have to be able to read more into it than just what he says. I think you are more concerned about the money situation than he is and thats where you are getting frustrated and he is happy. That happens a lot and people say money is the cause for divorce, and nooo it is not the cause. The cause is a difference of opinion on how much money you need or how to spend the money you make. Both of you have to have a goal of what you want to make and agree on it, if you cant do that, then it doesnt matter how much you make if you arent on the same page. Money doesnt make or break a marriage. Not having an open line of communication about money will kill a marriage though. Been there done that. It wasnt the lack of money that killed my first marriage. We had an understanding of what to spend money on, she just didnt spend money where it needed to be spent and I had enough of it and got divorced. Best thing I ever did. 10 yrs later she still has all her credit cards maxed has had 2 cars repod and got foreclosed on. Me I dont have a credit card at all and own my cars and will be buying a house next year. We had a different set of priorities with money and it shows. Theres no way in he!! we could have been married this long. BOL

[brian]

Originally Posted by rebajosh

Keep in mind we are only getting one side of the story here Brian. The guy just got back from a war zone. I've been there done that. I'd cut him a little slack. That can really mess ya up for a while.

Perhaps the original poster can pick up a copy of the book "Proper care and feeding of husbands".

whys being in a war zone give him an excuse to neglect his wife and childrens well being? just because he was overseas doesnt mean he saw any action.

[rebajosh]

Originally Posted by brian

whys being in a war zone give him an excuse to neglect his wife and childrens well being? just because he was overseas doesnt mean he saw any action.

It doesn't if everything she says is true.I'm just saying.........................we are only hearing her side. I don't like to form an opinion from only one persons side of a story.