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So... if GOD wanted your truck to break down, would he cause it to happen in the town your estranged child was in?

a few weeks ago, I blew a turbo as I was approaching Albuquerque (ABQ) and ended up spending a night (and day) there. I WISH I could say that I found her that weekend, but I didn't. But, don't you think that was strange?

I've had several "experiences" lately that SOME would say were signs from God. I don't know.

She continues to change her profile picture, and ALL of them are more "professional" or at least flattering than the ones I mentioned when I first found her.

The night/day that I was there, I forgot to bring the TWO phone numbers that I found for her. I suppose I could have duplicated the "search" effort and got them again... but, I was not sure what to do.

In short... I FAILED her (and myself) once again. I was kinda hoping they wouldn't be able to fix the truck before Monday, but they got me out the next morning.

But, I made a few friends that night that helped me to Zero in on what I must do.

I know... that's not enough. NO one else here would be as scared and confused as I am.

I swear to God (or CAD) that.... IF I had a valid address or phone number... I would have hailed a CAB and presented myself face to face with her. I want it more than anything else in LIFE right now.

But, I STILL don't know exactly where she IS!

But, I am getting closer. I believe it WILL happen!

I realize this thread has died out. Most of you have given up on me and my cause. That's okay. You ALL gave your best, and I appreciate it. I hope someday SOON I will be able to give an update that will make you all proud and happy.

I am still not sure that she got my private message. OR my second one. I MAY have to take a chance and send a friend request. Can anyone tell me if she could get a PM if I was not already "friended" by her?

I haven't forgotten, and include you in my thoughts and prayers.
I think about quite a few friends I've made here, who you don't see visit much anymore.
Not a whole lot though, as most of my time is spent pining for Shania. :roll3:

I'm still no help with Twitter or Facebook as I've never cared to visit those sites.
I'd probably get banned from there, within a week anyway.

If you do believe in God, then you must believe in Satan as well.
Satan is the one more likely IMO to have your truck break down a mile from your daughter.
Elections have consequences, so yes... maybe it was God. :)

The thread died out because we are all waiting to hear an update from you.

Yes, I realize that, Freebird. I didn't mean to imply that y'all stopped caring. I still don't have much to update, but.... I DID go ahead and take that chance last night. I sent the friend request. Unzipped my fly (so to speak.) I guess I should know something soon.

Well....
since we can't twist your arm.........all we could do is sit back and what for you to walk.

Okay... I think I have bad news. I really don't understand facebook but, the friend request (and attatched message) shows up in my message list with a little (return) arrow on the left side. I assume that means she "ignored" it.

On the other hand.... I sent he a message a week or so ago and it does NOT show in my message inbox. But, since I hadn't friended her yet... I'm not sure she got it.

Besides.... she MAY have ignored my request for the very reason I mentioned (and included in my message to her) that I had been avoiding sending such a request because I didn't want her family to know I'd found her. If she read that.... she might have agreed and ignored my request for that reason.

Pick up the phone and make the call.

Well, I may have to take that chance... but not yet. I STILL don't want to talk to her mother by accident. Besides.... I may have been wrong about what I posted today. When I go to my own facebook page, there are TWO people listed on my "close friends" list. She is one of them. Is that just because I sent the request? Or because she confirmed it as a "hidden" request. Her timeline doesn't show that she is now friends with me, but that would be expected if she accepted but "HID" the request.

I found some "HELP" articles on facebook today, concerning messages and friendship requests. According to them, I think my request went thru. When I go to HER page, it says friend request sent. It doesn't say "pending." On the other hand, my friend message doesn't have a check mark indicating it has been read. Not surprising since I just sent it late last night. I also learned that I could send her a PM without first being a friend, so she should have gotten my first two messages.

I think I'll give it a little more time now that I took the "request" plunge. I'm pretty sure she doesn't check her page every day.

Change your name to"waffle"house. At the rate you're going someone will have to send her a funeral notice for you.

hobo, when you go to her page on the right side top of "fb" but not the window if she accepted it, it would say friends witha check next to it. also when you get approved should send you a notification.

really.

4 pages over the span of almost a year and no resolution? dammit man...... i am disappointed. i figured at least there would be some twists and turns, maybe a gay brother in law, an unknown to you twin lost daughter.....something.

why don't you spend a dollar, use usa people search, and call her? even only to put us out of your misery. :)

Give him a brake, he's still writing a hello letter ;)

i suppose i should freebird it's just that i invested so much in this little drama. at the end of page 4 i put him on pause and got snacks. now i'm out of popcorn.

how about this hobo, you can cut and paste.

dear daughter,

i'm sorry. call me. 555-555-5555.

golfhobo.

Sorry for disappointing you, V. I guess I never thought of that when I started this thread.

I DID do a paid search (don't recall the service at the moment) ... and got TWO phone numbers and TWO different addresses. You'd think they could tell me which was the most RECENT, eh? So... I fear that ONE of them might be from a time she was living with her parents, and I don't want my ex-wife being the one who answers that first call. Simple as that for now.

I think freebird knows better. He knows I already SENT her the "hello" letter via Facebook. So far... I cannot tell if she got it, or could open it, or is just ignoring it.

As for your "cut and paste," I included that info, and address, and email addy's in the letter I sent her which.... see above.

And going back one more post.... when I open her page, it says, "Friend request sent." So... no need to send another, she just has not accepted nor refused it. IF she ever saw it!

I am going to redo the "search" I did on her and see if I get any better info. If not... I am trying to decide whether to take a chance and call both numbers, or just do what I should have done years ago (but will be easier/cheaper now that I know what city she is in)... which is to hire a P.I. to find her and ask her point blank whether or not she wants contact.

Yes... I know it has been almost a year. Sorry again if I've wasted anyone's time. For me? It is just a drop in the bucket of 28 years of hoping, searching and wondering. This is probably the most important thing in my life... and I need to get it right.

I saw a picture of what I "believe" might be her ex-husband, and he does look a little gay (in a big, biker kind of way.) Does that help? ;)

don't be sorry, i'll live, just not as vicarously. ;)

when you redo your search, do one on the ex wife, that'll tell you where she lives vs the daughter. yes, i know that will cost you another dollar, but hey! you're a big time truck driver, you can afford it.

this will be my last rag on you sweetie, because i know in your own way you have moved along in the continumn.

why oh why did you invest so much into facebook? yes, you do hear stories in the news of people being reunited that way but what are the chances? with their privacy settings and not knowing if she even uses it the uncertainty factor just fuels your anxiety, and my pissiness that you are still pinning your dream on it.

you haven't wasted anyone's time but your own. this exercise has given me another glimpse into the persona that is golfhobo is all.

you're not guaranteed another drop in the bucket hobo. i just worry that this won't get done before your bucket is filled.

when we do the movie version, have george clooney play the gay ex husband :)

vavega said:

Lol! I know CAD has been slow lately, but... I hope you aren't counting on us for excitement. ;)

D'oh! Why didn't I think of that? Years ago, I was doing "white pages" searches ON the mother... while Denise was still a child. Once I found her... as an adult.... I focused on HER "info." Never thought of eliminating the mother's address or phone number. THANKS! [And yea... money is no object.]

Not by much, I'm afraid. Anyway... No offense taken by your ragging. I hope you stay tuned. I've always enjoyed your posts.

After 28 years of failed attempts (I know I could have hired the P.I. sooner. That's on ME,) I was shocked at how easy it was to find her... and actually SEE what she looks like... on facebook. I've only "invested" so much this way because it SEEMED like the easiest route. Her privacy settings don't seem to be keeping me from seeing her weekly (if not more often) updates, and obviously... she is USING it. I just don't understand why (or if) she is not seeing my "advances" or just ignoring them. I'm not exactly "pinning my dream" on it. I'm just still a bit mesmerized at being able to SEE her many photo updates, and hearing about what she's up to. IF this isn't going to work, I WILL move forward with other efforts. But... this would have been the easiest and most personal way I knew.

Not sure if that is good or bad, but... to some extent... I started this thread so that "some" would see that I am human after all. I know how I come off in the political debates. I know how I come off in the "regulations" debates. I even know how I come off in the "new drivers" forums. But, that is all just "messageboard" stuff. I have always said that I consider CAD as my family. This was just one of the FEW times I have ever reached out to ANY part of my family for help and advice. And I have NOT been disappointed. [I DO... however... feel extremely naked!] ;)

Then no one but me will have suffered, and my suffering will be over. Remember my intitial question? With SO much time passed... what SHOULD I do? Should I upset HER "bucket?" Or consider my own filled with just the fact that I can SEE her (and follow her) on Facebook?

Gee... I was kinda hoping Clooney would play ME! (is he gay?) He is WAY too old to play my daughter's ex-husband! I can't think of a big star to play HIM.... but, he's kind of a "Larry the cable guy" looking dude... but a little younger and more intelligent looking. He's a stocky guy with a hint of Biker in him. But, he seems sensitive and likeable. He had to have SOMETHING going for him to have won my daughter's heart!

If you... or anyone... would like to see what my daughter looks like, or peruse her photos to find a picture of Jay (her children's father) or even to see what, I guess, are my grandchildren.... here is the link to her facebook page:

http://www.facebook.com/bellezaherrera

not so much for excitement, more for a way to extend my study of people and their motivations for what they do. i would have answered you sooner but you got bumped by an evening of tv by myself with a dvr full of shahs of sunset, downton abbey, ax men, and duck dynesty. in other words you didn't stand a chance. :) who's feeling naked now? :eek1:
we will let the facebook discussion go, i am NOT a fan and i hope you see that while it served it's purpose if you stay with it all you will do is stall. i believe that the more you surreptitiously use it the less the chance that you will actually make a move in the real world. it's emotionally safe, it satisfies your curiousity but it's all about you and not a real relationship.

oh how i am calling bull**** on this one. :) BS, kaka, however you want to put it. you are not the only one who will have suffered! you have to know that she has suffered too. to what degree we won't know until you **** or get off the pot but she has suffered. if only not to have her daddy, her real daddy in her life. tip her bucket, then let her decide if she wants to right it. that's her life decision not yours.

you have a daughter, son in law, and possibly grandchildren. and you don't think they're worthy of you?

vavega said:

Nice to know I came in second to an evening of T.V. pablum.

Well... I'm no fan of facebook. I understand your philosophical assessment, and agree completely. It is/was just a means to an end.

No, I don't really know that. Children are "resilient," remember? It's a fact that parents grieve more over the loss of a child than children do over the loss of a parent. The fact that she grew UP with two parents, and an extended family that loved her, had children of her own, maybe even a marriage.... all of that is more than "I" was able to do after I lost her. Yeah, she might have a moment between hugs from her kids to wonder about me, but... that is nothing compared to what I have gone thru.

I understand this. But, I haven't seen evidence of it. I used to watch Oprah and Maury. I know that it happens. I just don't believe it happened in THIS case.

I am TRYING. I used to think it was MY decision, but I've changed my mind. I still don't LIKE the idea of tipping her bucket, but... I've come to the conclusion that it is part of "MY bucketlist."

I never said that. I'm pretty sure I said the exact OPPOSITE.

What.... did you skip a few pages? :p

I KNOW what you are trying to say, and I appreciate it.

I hope to have an update real soon. Hope it doesn't conflict with your T.V. schedule. ;)

I will be anxiously awaiting your update post.

Don't get your hopes up, Freebird. According to unnamed sources, there may be proof that she has opened (read?) my messages, and seems to have chosen not to respond. If so, I don't know what would be gained by having a P.I. find her and ask her for me.

Not saying I'm giving up. But, I am discouraged.

She has been contacted by someone on my behalf, and so far, no movement. Time to back off and wait, I guess.

Thank you all for your support.

Maybe, and I appreciate your concern, but... you will go on with YOUR life as it was ordained. As well you should.

I will deal with mine.

When I started this thread, I didn't expect a happy ending. But, I didn't espect the worst, either.

I fear the worst... but, I will never forget the support all of you have given me.

And that DOES make a difference.

I guess when I started this thread, I was looking for support and absolution for my sins as a father. I got both.

I was looking for advice and help with facebook. I got that, too.

Maybe, I even needed encouragement and a mandate to DO something. Y'all didn't fail me.

But, not all threads in this forum have a happy ending. Most concern problems far more dire than mine. My problem pales in comparison to most.

I have not lost anything not already lost. I have gained much by your responses... though not the prize I sought.

My life resumes as it was. But, I now know that she KNOWS. That is all I really ever wanted. Seeing her pictures is a bonus that I will cherish.

Not saying that I have given up, but... I don't expect to have anymore updates for you.

Some mountains are just too high to climb.

Some things are just not meant to be.

Thanks again for all your support.

Hobo

If she did open and read it, she still may respond. It may take her time to know how to approach the situation.

Yes, Gman... she might. I have not given up ALL hope.

The important thing is, she now has a conduit if she so chooses. She knows it... and so do I.

That's pretty much all I ever wanted. To FIND her, yes... but, to give her a way to contact ME if she wanted, independent of her mother.

If she's read my messages, she knows. She has more info to contact ME than I had for 25 years!

She could be somewhat "shell-shocked" ... and I understand that. I can wait.

Okay, now I'm really freaked out! I was going to send her a last message tonight and, for some reason, F/B asked me to pay a DOLLAR to send it. So... I did.

BOOM! I got a message back FROM HER... within a few minutes! Actual CONTACT! [tears]

She SAYS she didn't KNOW she was adopted... or so it seems. She doesn't know WHO I am... and she's confused.

I don't understand this but... I don't care! My daughter actually sent me a message on F/B!

Maybe.... I WILL have an update soon.

Could be good or bad.... but.... it will be verified, not just a guess!

Thank you all so much. Special thanks to one.

I am beside myself.

AS I TYPE: I got a text from her! She says she can't talk right now... her MOTHER wants a chance to "explain this."

WOW! What a night!

wow, and i was just about to give up hope that this saga was going to be picked up for another season. ;) :D

here's hoping the ex wife doesn't try to muddle it for you. :(

I would like a dollar too! ;)

Great news Hobo!

Sorry I haven't replied to this sooner, hobo. I'm sorry I been out of the loop.

Sounds like good news. Hope that you two can be reconciled.
The very same thing happened to a friend of my sister. I don't remember every detail, but her dad found her on facebook. Her dad was in Atlanta. He has moved here, to be with her.
Seems pretty common. I believe that facebook is not only a networking deal, but like yall, I think it brings people together.

Hope everything works out well for the both of ya.

Keep us updated..

Wow this sounds positive. I hope it works out.

As long as I've been a member on FB .. I've never been told I'd have to pay for a responce to Any message I've sent someone. ....;-) .... Has anyone else heard of this/ paying to send a message or get a responce ???

Facebook does not charge for anything yet

Well, I read something on Yahoo awhile back about them at least "considering" charging a dollar to send (not receive) a message. Didn't think any more about it until the box appeared after I hit send. I entered my credit card number for a measely $1.00 charge.... and BANG! My whole life has changed.

So, unless you think it was some spirit of Christmas past or something.... yes F/B charged me a dollar and it worked.

As for the update so many have been hoping for. Yeah, it's real. She got all my messages at one time on Monday night, and sent me 2 or 3 in return. She said she needed to give her mom a chance to explain this (her mom actually requested the chance to explain.) She said, she would contact me after talking with her mom... she promised.

Tuesday evening (just before I had to leave out EARLY!!!) she kept her promise to contact me back. She said she had never been told about me, and that she was very confused and mentally drained.

Yesterday, I had to call my phone company and up my block of text messages from 300/mo to 1,000/mo cuz WE were about to blow thru the limit! I've been on the road, of course, and hope to get home by tomorrow night. She wakes me up with a text, and keeps me occupied all day with them. Last night I got to set up the laptop and we hashed out some of the tough questions. She seems to accept my answers, and is willing to see where this all goes.

She noticed my friend request when I sent it a few months ago, but didn't know who I was so just backed out of the page. Yesterday, she went ahead and accepted it, but asked me not to post on her wall or photo comment until she was ready and some more people had been filled in. Today, I noticed that she had sent me her phone number and just asked not to call her until she said she was ready.

Here's the real capper! She lived in NC for over a year recently and fell in love with the state. She is making plans to move there (here) as soon as possible. And, because her children's father is living here, she is coming out in March for a week to let them visit. I feel confident that, at the pace this is progressing, she will be "ready" for that meet with me and my family by then.

Well, gotta go for now. Been waiting for her to return from her dinner/movie date tonight, and she just sent me a text letting me know she's home.

This is just so unreal. The first day or two, I kept thinking I was going to wake up and find it was just a dream. She felt the same way. It's not a dream. It's real. My long quest is finally over.

Thanks again for all your support.

Hobo

Maybe you can help me now, get back together with Shania. :)

That's awesome, hobo!
It's looking like everything is in the right direction. Glad to hear this. I can't imagine what you and her are feeling/going through, but I'm glad that it's working out. Hope you two draw closer. Good for you!

Like I said, Hoggie.... some mountains are just TOO high to climb.

My situation was highly improbable. Yours is just damn near impossible! :roll3:

But, I have learned that HOPE (and change) springs eternal... so, ya never know!

After what has happened this week... I just couldn't count you out!

Thanks, Wabbit. I always knew you were "out there" somewhere.... cheering me on.

I couldn't have imagined it, either. We are both somewhat in shock. And yes... things are progressing at warp speed. I thought I KNEW all the feelings that I could feel in this situation. I was wrong.

Thanks again for all your prayers and support.

Hobo

Another update: I convinced her to plan for the "possibility" of meeting my/her family since she was coming out anyways. Just in case. I must be the greatest "soft" salesman in the World, cuz... before she signed off and went to sleep last night, I had closed the sale.

I WILL be seeing my daughter again in 3 weeks time. I'm 99% sure of it.

Better stock up on popcorn, V. I think we're in for a long run! THIS time... I don't think the mother has much to say about it, and apparently her "adoptive" father is supporting her in whatever decision she makes.

...yar... but I would climb Mt. Shania relentlessly, if I could only find the base camp. :p

All I really know is, if Shania were a beach ball, I'd play with her all day with my shirt off. :cool: ( I like how she bounces )