Sometimes, you can think things through too much.

The Hobo putting too much thought into something? Surely you jest, G!

Good luck, Hobo. My ex-wife who was given up for adoption at birth located her birth parents when she was 28. Turned out pretty well for her. I know it's a different situation in your case, but still shows that there can be happy reunions. If you don't take that first step, you'll never know what might've been.

Is that the "collective you?" .... or the specific ME? LOL! Either way, I get your point. But, this is pretty much the thing I've thought the MOST about for all these years. Political discussions on CAD are really just a distraction. (okay... maybe a little more than that.)

I just noticed this thread. Guess I missed it when I was so sick a few weeks ago.
I hope you get in touch, and get to enjoy the years ahead with her. Good luck Hobo! :)

ha...I don't know the first thing aboot facebook either.

Thanks for the "levity" my friend. We wouldn't want Hobo to be "fockking boring" on his OWN thread about a family issue.

I wish my mother had started sooner. At that age, she had a family to care for and a "two grandparent" family to continue. It was my parents' decision. I never suffered from THAT. I just wish my Mom had known her siblings all along. One of her brothers died before she regained contact. I've met most of the others. She has a baby sister with many medical problems. I believe that SHE (my mother) has grown stronger by "regaining" her original position of "surrogate parent" for her "brood." Such is the power of love and family.

All situations are different... maybe UNIQUE. Mine certainly is. But, so are so many others'. I can only say that I have learned much from the examples "others" have posted here. And I am very thankful.

Thanks, Hoggie. Your "excuse" is duly noted and appreciated! You've been going thru MUCH more than I lately.

My daughter and I are both in good health. If she knew you even as much as I do... she would agree with me that YOUR situation is of more importance.

GOOD LUCK back.... and thanks again for joining in.

Minor UPDATE:
 

Maybe, the reason Hoggie noticed this thead was that I wanted to update it, and had to respond to a few posts first.

I am still deep in thought (and discussions with my mom) about this.

I was concerned that my daughter might not "revisit" her facebook account since it had been a year or two. Here's the shocker (for me) ...

She updated her profile PICTURE. I don't know why. I don't really care. It proves that she is still "interested" in this form of social media.

It gives me hope. It almost makes me think that God's angels are in control. [but, I would need more proof.]

So.....what are you going to do, hobo? Time to fish or cut bait. :cool:

:roll3:


What G said! ;)

The only way your questions will be answered is by YOU taking the first step. You really have nothing to lose at this point.

Hobo I have a Myspace page and a Facebook Page I have not touched the Myspace page in 4 years. Guess what happened today an old friend that I lost touch with but who had a Myspace page contacted me via Myspace and I got the message from my Email. So if she updated her Profile Pic she does check on Facebook but must not be active there. SO GET OFF YOUR BUTT AND SEND THAT MESSAGE. CALLED DO SOMETHING FOR ONCE AND STOP FRIGGING ANALIZING THINGS TO DEATH BOY IF YOU HAD BEEN IN CHARGE OF SIGNAL INTEL IN WW2 WE NEVER WOULD HAVE GUESSED THE JAPS WERE COMING FOR MIDWAY. TAKE A RISK FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE SHE IS YOUR DAUGHTER IS SHE NOT WORTH IT.

Move! :)

http://i97.photobucket.com/albums/l2...9633934022.gif

What kind of proof do you want?

Have you thought that maybe she setup the facebook as a way for you to contact her?

Yes... I DID. But, I discounted it. I am resisting the thought that she MIGHT know that "I" am also now on facebook, and updated her photo as a way of "signalling" me. But... I keep all options open in my thought process.

The first part of your post is pretty evident. But... it is your last phrase that hits me hard and true.

I guess I really DON'T have anything to lose if I don't make the attempt. I have NOTHING now. My life would be NO more "pointless" if my attempt at contact should FAIL.

I don't HAVE her in my life now. Only in my tortured memories.

I COULD make her life... and mine... so much better. But, I could still make HER life worse. That has always been my excuse. But, I guess THAT should be HER choice... not mine.

If I am willing... as I've said... to take abuse or rejection... then I should put the same responsibility on HER.

I am starting to think that SHE needs an answer as much as "I" do.

SOME here are starting to pressure me. I guess I opened that door. I didn't ASK what y'all thought I should do... I asked what YOU would do. I know it's a fine line.

I do not have words to express how much the support, ideas, personal testimonies and advice have meant to me. I know... that's a first, right?

No... of course, it's a lie. I ALWAYS have words. But, I won't bore y'all with them. I'll just say THANK YOU.

I don't know if I can answer what I would do. I mean it would be easy to say, and I think it would be, what you already feel in your gut. Maybe your not looking so much for encouragement, but I/we're here for you....me? ..up to aboot 5 paragraphs....then my brain is mush. ;) http://i97.photobucket.com/albums/l2...block-head.gif

Lucky for me... AND my daughter... that neither of us are as racist as you proclaim to be.

BTW... I have NEVER said that I don't like you.

But THIS post... on this (of all) thread(s) is all ANY of us need to know about you.

Now.... get OFF my thread! Take your "paranoid conservatism" to the politics column where we can easily ignore you.

But, I hope they don't BAN you. Your posts are the best evidence "we" have that YOUR side is populated with blithering idiots.

Thanks, Hoggie. I apologize for making it so lengthy. I REALLY appreciate your contribution. I knew from the beginning there weren't enough boobs involved to keep your attention! LOL! No.... really. Thanks.

Wow... you WENT there? "Sperm Donor?" How about the "Immaculate Catholic Deception?" 98% of Catholic women use birth control, but MY "soon to be ex-wife" believed that God (and his angels) sat on thrones in Heaven and decided WHO got pregnant and when... and why.

A "racist conservative?" LOL! She's half Latina! She has known gov't "help" all her life (maybe.) Her "new" Daddy served in the military for 20 years (I think.) Oh... BTW... even tho he is Hispanic... I'm pretty sure HE is a "natural born" citizen! [As are everyone in her LIVING family! Only her Grandfather, Juan, was born outside of the States.

Her cousin, Johnny II... apparently DIED in service to his country in the Gulf War in 91 under the elder Bush. You got a "crack" to make about THAT?

You have NO idea. And the sad fact is... you have no idea that you HAVE "no idea."

Please.... get your filthy attitude off my thread. I was expecting some grief when I started it... from those I considered GOOD friends. I didn't GET any such grief from THEM. It took YOU to introduce HATE and judgement (as well as racism) into it.

((((((( golfhobo ))))))))) hang in there sir. It will all work out ok. :)

I'm sorry to see the bleed over from crb here. I think it's going too far, and out of line.
The family support forum deserves better than this nonsense from the political forum.

On this forum, Hobo is my friend, and I'm siding with him on this.

I hope and pray Hobo reunites with his daughter, and that they can enjoy a future together.
She may have to be "hardened off" a little... because he is one contentious old know it all. hahahahaha

Deleting some items out of here, absolutely no need for outright verbal assault's like this. This is a support section not an axe grinding section.

Grrrrrrr.


I have half a mind to make my way back to North Carolina, so I can grab your dang index fingers and start typing out a "Contact" message!!! ;)

Life is messy.
I'd brace for the stuff you already expect, Hobro, because you can't turn back now.

I've lost a sister to family drama. She doesn't want anything to do with us.
I have to let her go, but my door is always open, and that's all I can do.

That's about it, you just do your best, and keep faith things will be okay.
I don't know any perfect family. :roll3:

Roadhog said:

Thanks. I know I've never introduced political arguments into responses on this forum.

Thanks again. Maybe, I should just STAY on this thread. Maybe, part of my indecision is based on my desire to be liked... and my fear that my daughter might see me the way some HERE see me.

From your lips to God's ears. Or, if there IS no God... to HER ears! (wink.)

I agree completely... which is why I questioned the sanity of me contacting her NOW that I found her. Like MOST parents on here, I always felt that she had inherited my "smarts." I felt that, IF and when the time came, I would be able to "relate" to her in a way I've somehow failed to do with so many of you.

I don't mean that as any kind of insult! I simply mean that she and I would "see" things in a similar fashion, and I wouldn't have to ARGUE with her so much.

I bet that's very possible. I'm wired the same as my Dad. Disposition I think is part of genetics, so even if you didn't live together, I think it's likely.
I don't know if personal beliefs will come up right away, so you might get a break there.

(it doesn't always pass on)
My brother-in-law just got back from St.Louis visiting his son, and they had a huge blow up over politics. His son got so angry and frustrated, it got titanic.
It can really divide people... so I think it's not worth it, if you can avoid it, unless of course you are simpatico.

Get intouch with her, and trust things will be okay. You can do it... you are a good man, and she will see that.

I can see it now, Hobo will write her a quick little note and just because of genetics she will reply with a 10 page response. ;)

hobo, you started this thread on 3/6 here we are 5/8 thats two months more you have keeped yourself from her. keep it simple send her your contact and you would like to get to know each-other. no more no less, get out of your own head and do it now!!

Just saw this one myself...glad to see you talking about it, Hobo. You know my story...it was very similar. Estranged from my eldest daughter for some 18 years. Ran into the SAME thing...found her on FB. After agonizing over it for a while, did the FB message. It was simple and to the point. "Been a long time, just wanted to let you know that I'm here if you ever want to talk."

A couple months later, she did. After some very long emails and then phone calls, I saw her for the first time in 18 years. Today, she's been living with us for the past 9 months and actually getting ready to move out into her own apartment this weekend. Been great having her with us. More than awesome to have her back in my life.

The best thing I can tell you is that the past is the past...you cannot change it. But you can dictate the direction of your future. Make the message...keep it short. Then let her make the decision when she's ready. Maybe she is now...maybe she will be in the future....maybe she never will be. But the bottom line is, if you do NOT reach out, then you'll never know. It would be unfair to you and quite possibly unfair to her, depending on her feelings.

Get it done...then let things happen the way they will.

Don't know what the solution is for you Hobo.
You may or may not know that I have had problems with my ex for over a decade now and still only see my daughters once in a while; when it suits her.
All I can say is, I genuinely sympathise with you and have felt the exact same pain for so long
Keep smiling, even when you're falling apart inside
Best wishes

Kev

LOL... that really WAS funny Freebird! With my luck, tho... it will be the other way around!

But... I THINK I have made the decision. I couldn't have DONE so without all the help I've gotten here. My neighbor helped a little, too. And I did talk to my mom. Funny, tho... I mentioned it to my Dad, but never got much advice from him about it.

I DO remember your story, Kev. And thanks for your support.

I always DID want to talk about it to you, Twilight, but got stuck in procedures and formats. Then you got mad.

To be honest.... I didn't think it mattered, because I never thought I would find her! And, as I said, I thought she was better off without me.

Because of the testimonies here, I have concluded that it would be unfair for me to deny HER the decision. I owe her that much, at least.

As I said before, I have NEVER stopped looking for her, or loving her, or wanting to have her in my life. To deny us both that chance NOW, would make my whole life a LIE. And SOME of you might understand that I cannot abide a lie.

I've spent more than a hundred dollars or so in the last few weeks trying to get a valid phone number, as I preferred voice contact.... or an active and "verified" address to send a birthday card to. I have been ripped off and failed. I didn't WANT to have to do it as a PM on Facebook. But, that is what is left for me.

I don't WANT to believe in "angels" and divine providence... but, after two years of inactivity on her facebook page, she has been very active lately. Some of you can take that to mean what you wish. For me? I will not look a gift horse in the mouth!

Tomorrow is her birthday, and as it turns out, I don't have to go to work again until Wednesday.

So... tomorrow morning (now today) I will make that contact. I will either MAKE her day... or ruin it. Assuming, of course, that she will check her page on her birthday.

I think Hoggie said it best. There is NO turning back. Either way, MY life will forever be different. I have LIVED for this day. I cannot die without knowing.

Thank you ALL, again, so much for your input and support! I really didn't have ANYONE else to talk to about this.

I will post updates when I have them.

Hobo.

Hobo, I have a step daughter. She has been with me since she was 5 years old. She is 21 and in College now. We have a very good relationship.
She is unhappy with alot of things sometimes. She tells me all the time about her Father not calling or sending a card. She feels unwanted because of him not contacting her. Even just to say hello how are you or I am proud of you. It would make her more complete. So, she does care and think about him.
Hope this helps. Good Luck.

NTR. I guess she didn't check her page on her birthday... or chose NOT to respond.

I gave her my email address and my phone number. I've checked both our Facebook pages. Nothing.

I am not surprised... tho, I am somewhat hurt.

I expected the worst. But, I remain optimistic. It has already had a positive effect on MY life.

For those who care... I'm doing okay. This was an important "step off" point in my life.

I DID what I always said I wanted to do! Big load off of my life!

It's no longer UP to me. Que Sera, Sera!

Give her more time.
I sometimes get a phone call, I'm not ready to answer, and put it off.
More likely she hasn't seen your message yet... but if she has... she may need some time.
It's going to be a big point in her life too... and she may need time to think, and discuss...maybe like a chip off the old block. http://i97.photobucket.com/albums/l2...block-head.gif
Glad you sent her your message, and I hope things work out. Keeping the faith...

No vituperative comments in response though; that's positive, I would say so anyway.
You've clearly demonstrated that you CARE. She will consider that, I have no doubt.
Whatever the outcome, I for one am proud of you mate. Takes real guts to make that move. Good luck to you and very best wishes for you.
Kev

Thanks, Hoggie. I certainly understand it could be a big "choice" for HER, too. I am trying to BE patient... but, it is difficult. I used to only check my email about every two or three weeks. Now... I find me checking it every DAY! I check both our Facebook pages every chance I get. This is very stressful for me. The phone part is easy. I'm acting like an "expectant DAD!"

But, I KNEW it could BE like this... thanks to the many informative posts I've received on this thread. I've done my part. I am capable of handling whatever response (or lack of it) that I receive.

I always felt like I could handle this day, if and when it came. But, the support of my friends here on CAD is what made it all possible once I found her. I don't know if I could have followed thru without the support from ALL of you on CAD.

That doesn't mean I'm going to go EASY on any of you on the politics forum! LOL!

wot i life said:

Is that your favorite word? I had to check it out since it was so pertinent to my situation. [just kidding... it's IN my vocabulary.]

Of course, you are also right. NO news can BE good news in a situation like this... and certainly better than BAD news!

I would certainly HOPE so. And I thank you for the fact that YOU have proven that you care.

Guts?? What guts? I was RAILROADED into it by all my friends here on CAD! LOL.... just KIDDING!

It was something I always thought I could... and WOULD do... if I ever found her. But, I have made bad decisions before, when left to my own counsel.

This was a decision/action I thought I would never have (or have the opportunity) to make! When it appeared... I could NOT have gone forward without the counsel of my respected friends here on CAD. The positive support was almost overwhelming.

Thanks, mate. And all the SAME to you!

Hobo.

Hobo, you said you expected the worst. So far, in my opinion anyway, you haven’t gotten that. I agree with the previous few posters that perhaps she is taking some time to get her thoughts focused before she answers you. This could be as big a deal to her as it is to you, and look how long you’ve agonized over the situation before you finally got off the fence and did something. Don’t overlook that in Twilight Flyer’s situation, it took “a couple months” to get a reply. Like Roadhog pointed out, she IS your daughter and therefore might share your love of deep thought and analysis. For all you know, she’s fifty pages into a reply to you.

It is also entirely conceivable that she didn’t log onto her account since you sent your message. Are her profile settings such that you can see comments on her “wall”? If so, has there been any activity since you sent your message, e.g. her friends offering happy birthday wishes that she responded to? If her privacy settings are wide open, you should be able to look back at all her activity (posts) and get a feel for how active she is on Facebook. I know many people, like myself, only log on every once in a while. It could be that she won’t get your message for days or weeks.

Whatever happens, you will know that you at least made your best effort. Like you said, it’s in her hands now. I wish you the best of luck… I truly do hope this story has a happy ending.

Musicman said:

Thanks for your post... and I agree. I KNOW that a delay is not the worst that could happen. I can only IMAGINE what a shock it would be for her. I know what I'VE been thinking and feeling all these years. I don't know what SHE has thought.

LOL! You guys are just NOT going to give me a break on this, are you!? I don't know whether to be proud or concerned if she turns out to be a "chip off the old block!"

Don't know if you noticed or not, but the format changed on F/B about the time they went IPO. It's not as easy for me to tell anymore. But, I think she HAS been back on her page since I sent the message. I don't know if she noticed that she had a PRIVATE message or not. I haven't noticed any other birthday wishes, but... I'm not sure I'm able to SEE her wall without being a friend. I've seen posts from her friends on her PHOTOS page, but I don't know that I've ever been able to see her wall yet.

She has a cousin on F/B where I get to see everything she and her friends post. I either don't SEE that on her page... or she doesn't engage in conversations there. She recently started using an app for IOS... whatever that means (smartphone, I think.) So... she seems to be more active lately (as I said before) than she was in the first two years after joining. She's been adding new friends lately.

Yes, I think I've done the best I can at this time. I hope it has a happy ending, too. Whatever that is.

For those who are firm believers in God and providence, I have a comment that you will probably appreciate. I know I said some things on this thread that indicated I don't necessarily believe in all of that, but...

There were many times over the years that I thought it would not be good if I found her... just then. There was a time when I suffered from pretty severe depression. I drank a lot. I was so deeply in debt that I could not have afforded to see her if the opportunity arose. I was so down on myself that I would probably have messed up any such reunion to a great degree.

When I started trucking in 2005, MOST of the depression left me. I still had the debt, but as of this next month.... I will be debt free. I actually have some money saved up now, and I am in a much better position to afford the things that I feel are most important in my life.

If some of you wanted to nod your head and say, "see... God works in mysterious ways" or something.... I could not totally debate the thought. After all... I was the one who often told myself that I was not in a position to offer her anything if I found her. Now I am. And NOW I found her.

The implications of that are not lost on me.