[wifeand2kidsofdozer]

I am pretty used to my husband being gone, still lonely but dealing with it. On the other hand, he has found a new way to deal with his loneliness and I am just crushed to find out !!! He admits to going to the strip clubs, I really don't have a problem with it.

Well I started to wonder what he really does on the road. I started snooping through his Myspace account and discovered that he actually keeps in touch with one of the strippers from his dedicated run/route. He no longer has that dedicated run, but I am just crushed to have discovered this. :sad:

I feel bad for not trusting him and I am really truly in love with him. Thing is my instinct was right, should I confront him ? Should I keep quiet and see what he does or if he pursues her. I am really upset and was wondering if anyone has any advice. Both truckers and truckers wife's, please respond... I am so crushed.

[Twilight Flyer]

Hate to say it, but if he's frequenting strip clubs and keeping in contact with one of the hookers (stripper, same thing), then the possibility of him frequenting the lot lizards is probably pretty high. Good luck...you'll be be needing it on this one.

[wifeand2kidsofdozer]

I just don't understand it is all. We have always had a pretty good relationship. I figured if he was being honest about strip clubs and if I was accepting of it, he wouldn't want to stray.

The only thing that leads me to believe that he may not be messing with lot lizards is that he is constantly moving with a co driver. I am not trying to be niave about the situation. I am just hoping I suppose.

I don't hound him when he is home. I don't accuse him of cheating. I give him no reason to cheat on me either. I have told him time and time again that he can go to the strip clubs seeing as a lot of men can't help themselves. Am I condoning his actions. Am I too accepting.

I love him so much and I don't want to believe it. Problem is the evidence was right there in front of my face. Should I tell him I am not comfortable with him visiting strip clubs anymore. Perhaps I should confront him on keeping in contact with strippers ???

I just don't know what to do about it I guess... any suggestions ?

[Roadhog]

Don't trust him or feel bad about that. He is cheating on you. That is not the way a man deals with lonliness.
What you say you have found out is only a fraction of what you haven't found out.
Think of your children, (this will effect them) and get rid of this looser. Your heart will take you all the way to the bottom. He will drag you there...I bet even your family is trying to convince you of that.

Talk to some local Womens groups who can give you better advice and help you. If you do this...he can still prove himself. Meanwhile...he will know there are consequenses if he doesn't.

In your own words...he is hurting you, compromising you and your children, wasting the family money on sluts and slease...and making you feel like garbage. He is minipulating you to even feel bad for him and accept his behavior as .... :shock: okay.

I won't beat this to death...please do something...because my guess from my experiance...you haven't seen the worst yet. There are many forms of an abusive relationship. Good luck to you. You want to believe in hope...then you need to change this direction. Life is messy, but you have children to consider...or the cycle continues.

[wifeand2kidsofdozer]

I guess I don't want to believe it :x :sad: :cry:

How could he do this. Even if he isn't having sex with them, he is still hurting me. My heart hurts so bad. He calls and tells me he misses us all and loves me so much. :cry: I guess I thought I knew him better.

After listening to my heart and womenly instinct I have come to the truth, with much surprise might I add. I have copied and saved these conversations between him and his stripper friend. I don't know what I suppose I am going to do with them. I just don't want him to try to deny it.

As much as this all hurts, I still want to work things out. I hate him for what he has done, but we also have a family together and I don't want to kick him to the curb wuite yet. I can say that if this continues on, I refuse to tolerate it.

The first step is recognition. I am not denying what he has done, and I am not defending it either. I just want to present this to him properly and effectively. I don't know if that is the right thing to do, or if I am just giving him too much credit. I just know we have been through a lot and this is definately come to me as a surprise :cry:

I hate to be such a baby, I just really want to do the right thing. I want to say that I have done everything in my power to keep our family together. "To have and to hold, until death do us part". I try to keep those vows. Let's see if he does... ?

Sincerely, hopelessy niave

[glasman2]

Originally Posted by roadhog

Don't trust him or feel bad about that. He is cheating on you. That is not the way a man deals with lonliness.
What you say you have found out is only a fraction of what you haven't found out.
Think of your children, (this will effect them) and get rid of this looser. Your heart will take you all the way to the bottom. He will drag you there...I bet even your family is trying to convince you of that.

Talk to some local Womens groups who can give you better advice and help you. If you do this...he can still prove himself. Meanwhile...he will know there are consequenses if he doesn't.

In your own words...he is hurting you, compromising you and your children, wasting the family money on sluts and slease...and making you feel like garbage. He is minipulating you to even feel bad for him and accept his behavior as .... :shock: okay.

I won't beat this to death...please do something...because my guess from my experiance...you haven't seen the worst yet. There are many forms of an abusive relationship. Good luck to you. You want to believe in hope...then you need to change this direction. Life is messy, but you have children to consider...or the cycle continues.

good advise....... and I agree with both posters...
I hate to admit this, but my son did the same thing. Started hitting strip joints, 1 thing led to another. Next thing I knew I had his wife and 3 kids living with us and he was no where to be found.

Don't let him drag you down... it's not your fault, and your better than that to be treated this way.

[Roadhog]

Speak to your Minister, or call some local Women's groups, who would be better qualified to help you. You should get some council before you make plans.

If you try to confront him on this without something to offer...no doubt he will quickly gain the leverage. You admit you will cave in...at least to some degree.

I don't know you or your husband. But sounds serious, and sounds like you should gather up some counciling and someone who can speak to you both.

In my opinion a man who has a wife and children and drives someone's Truck with their name on the side...hitting strip clubs is making a bad choice. This does not need to be explained in detail...all the reasons why.

Maybe he does love you. I'm just a big believer in "actions speak louder than words." Time for him to grow up? Maybe time to realize there are consequences for bad choices? I don't know...

And again...I want to tell you...a real man does not need to deal with anything like this....with the lame BS...he is lonely. There is another truth. He is also gambling with more lives than his own. If that's what he needs to do...let him go. Odds are you can't change him.

Anyway...that's about all the help I can offer from Internet Land. Your situation calls for local hands on care and consideration.

[wifeand2kidsofdozer]

I appreciate you taking the time to read my post. This whole experience has been tough. Him being gone all the time is hard enough. Now the greatly dreaded nightmare of infidelity on top of it. It just kills.

Honestly, I don't think it has gone any further than his sick perversion of going to the strip club and feeling a sense of want by this or other women. I am not defending his behavior, I think he is really selfish for his actions.

I just wonder how many men engage in this activity as a trucker and their wife's are totally oblivious... ? I don't want to take this to my church, however I am going to bring this to my therapists attention. I have also considered making him attend a session with me.

I guess one of the several reasons I resort to the net for support is because he fails to support in several ways as well as emotionally. I am just happy and thankful to have discovered this site. Everyone has been so kind and informative

I will quit rambling for now, Thanks again to EVERYONE for your input. Please feel free to continue as your thoughts and advice have been helpful and reassuring. Sincerely

[devildice]

IF indeed he is straying, then I offer my condolences.....

However, you state all you have "found" is email correspondence between him and another woman. Do those emails indicate that he and this woman have been intimate?

Unless there is more to the story, I think you are getting all worked up and stressing yourself out prematurely.......

IMO, the best thing you can do is sit down with him and talk about it in a rational manner. DO NOT start off with accusations and such as that will just set the tone for a hostile conversation.......be calm, cool, and collective.......Then go from there.

Just my .02 and good luck

[tam81]

I have dealt with a situation with my husband but not by visisting stip clubs.
My husband feels that there is no problem with him givinig out his personal cell phone number to women he chats to in a chat room.
I would not care if this chat room was not a Pa. chat room where he has made a lot of deliveries to and all I can think is that he has met up with them. Of course there is nothing to worry about he says they never know where is at sometimes I wonder.
Needless to say I did confront him and he denied it all but I see the cell bill and I have even went as far as to call the numbers that should not be on the bill.I called one number only to find out that this women that he said was a DOT woman and he stopped talking to her back in October but her number is still on all the bills after he lied to me about that and she had called him twice on Christmas Eve and he denied talking to her well I have a bill that has 2 calls from her for like a total of 20 minutes. He even went as far as to tell them to block their numbers when they call him and when asked about the blocked calls it was the DC center I said no way a few minutes yes I would buy that but not for 20 minustes or more.
He finally got tired of the fighting every week he went and changed his cell number and is saying only the ppl. that need it has it I want to believe him but I really dont.only the next bill will tell.
To top it all off the DOT women sent him a text message telling him she is done with him and he does not know what he is missing. So I really do not think he ever met this woman but she was looking for something. She got worried when I called her and told her who I was that she texted him that he needed to call her ASAP.
I know what it is like to be hurt they just do'nt see things the way we do.