[jdg]

Hi all,
I have a situation and I need some serious advice,....

My girl and I have been together for 7 years, we are about to get married.
I am 100% ready to get married, I love her very much,......but I was delivered the child-bomb on Christmas eve, (no, she is not yet, but wants to have 2 before we get too old).
We are financially stable, and I am very confused about what to do, I could use some help from a woman's perspective especially.
We are in our 30/s (she 36/me 38) we are both physically fit (triathletes).
I have a child from a previous marriage who is 19 yrs old, and really thought I was not going to have any more. When we met,..she did not want any either, but her feelings have now changed.
I feel I owe her this because we are together,,....but I am very scared, and confused. I am not sure if I could do the Dad thing again, (I ended up a single parent on the first one,...Mom wigged out and tried to kill us,....ahhhhh memories,..good times, good times).
Please help, fire off questions that may help,.....I really don't know what to do. ops:

[classicxl]

well you need to ask you self the serious question that do you want anymore kids. if the answer is no then you need to tell her and talk about it

[jdg]

I did, that is why I am asking outside of our circle. I need more input from people who have done this, and if my fears are justified.

[madii'swife]

I have quite a few thoughts here, and will try to make as much sense as possible.
My opinion, you need to figure out WHY you're scared about having more children. I have a feeling it stems back to your experience the first time around, but do you honestly feel like that would happen again? I would suggest making sure you don't make your decision solely based on your negative experience before. Being a parent can be a beautiful wonderful thing if you have the right partner.
Whatever you decide, you owe it to her to tell her honestly why you make the decision. Also make sure you listen to her side, especially if she's never been a mother she's missing quite an experience.

[jdg]

madii'swife,
That is exactly why I feel that I owe her this, even though I am scared to go ahead.
She is a beautiful girl with a heart of gold, she would be a great mom and I know that things would not be the same as my first wife,....that said,...I am still trying to rationalize my fears.
I did tell her how I feel,and she says I'm being stupid.
Let me add that when we met, she was totally against having children, and since I had a bad time before, I was all ready to be with her. Now she changed the rules, is this common?

[madii'swife]

I would say its very common for a woman to change her mind about having children, especially once they settle in with a great man they want to stay with :wink:
Also, as she gets older there's something in most of us that makes the urget to bear children stronger...or so I hear anyhow I'm not really old enough to say that for sure, and I have 3 now.

[syl77dar]

goodluck

[Rev.Vassago]

If you don't want any more children, you will always resent her for it. Your goals are different from hers, and it is obvious that it is time to move on.

[jdg]

Funny how things like this happen.
I will regret it it I do, and she will regret it it I don't.
Looks like were headed for the final chapter.
It all would not be so bad if she had expressed an interest in children from the get go, instead, she was totally against it, I mean totally! I would have never let it go this far. I had plenty of girls who wanted to do the same between her and my ex, and it always ended the relationship.
I was very clear about my future plans to not have any more kids.
This makes me sad because we will end up apart, and it also makes me angry because she changed the rules.
At least I have my truck :roll:

[madii'swife]

Ok..I soo should not answer this but here I go. I will start out by repeating to myself the phrase my mother taught me "if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything". That said, your post leaves me to question why when we women change our minds about something we're changing the "rules"? Can you honestly tell yourself (doesnt' matter what you tell anybody else) that you haven't changed one single "rule" or idea that you had when the 2 of you got together? It seems absurd to me to throw away a long relationship over a thing such as this.
That said, if she came into the relationship knowing you didn't want anymore, then its her turn to bow out..and decide between kids and you, as she has no room to push you for something you both originally agreed on.
At that I will shut up, as I hold a lot of other unpopular beliefs I'm attempting to not let influence this discussion.