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  #11  
Old 08-27-2007, 04:12 AM
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Me Three! Maybe it helped make us all strong enough, and independent enough to do this crazy job!
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That some should be rich, shows that others may become rich, and, hence, is just encouragement to industry and enterprise.
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  #12  
Old 08-27-2007, 02:47 PM
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Default Freedom is wonderful!

Hey Ladies,

I had a nice message that took several minutes t o type in response to the last two Ladies posts. Would you believe that I reached up to get something and hit the delete button? I couldn't even get it back by hitting the back arrow. SIGH!!! Let's see if I can reconstruct some of that message....

It was so nice hearing from other women who have gone through dead marriages. Ladies don't beat yourselves for staying too long. Most of us were brought up to be successful at what we do. Therefore, the one thing that we really want to work is our marriages. We usually end up staying too long because we keep hoping "it will work out."

You know it's better to try to make it work than to just let it go. We all know that. However, some of us stay way too long hoping for the best. My marriage was dead probably at least 6 years before it was finally over. I have two friends now in the same place I was in 6 years ago. It's excruciating to see them going through exactly what I went through 6 years ago.

They both have kids and that's what seems to keep people together longer. I chose never to have kids. Not everyone is cut out to be a parent. I knew from a young age that I never wanted any children. Although, one of my friends has grown kids. I wish she'd realize that life is too short to "hang tough" in a dead marriage. She's so afraid of being alone she won't let it go. The other one is so used to being "emotionally abused" I don't think she can possibly muster the strength to leave. She hasn't worked most of her life and is worried about being able to support herself. Get your Engineering Husband to pay Alimony. I wish I'd done that now. I gave up a lucrative career as an Accountant to support his career in the backwoods of Missouri.

I regret everyday that I didn't take alimony. Let's face it how much is giving up a career worth-certainly at least Alimony. I just never believed in it. Now I do, now that I've chosen to be a driver making much less than I would back as an Accountant. I stayed up many nights typing his papers while he was obtaining his Master's and Doctorate degrees. SIGH!!

Oh well, life is much brighter now. I'm fighting for my job as I type this. Not sure it's worth it. Long story short-I left last year couldn't find better benefits and came back. The idiots are trying to get all the drivers to sign forms saying they'll idle at only 28%. They should be ashamed of themselves drivers are going to die in the extreme heat and cold. They must have decided that the impending lawsuits from deaths would be far lower in dollar amounts than the profit they'll make by low idling. Class Acts for sure. Remember what goes around comes around. You can't give bad and not eventually get it back.

Happy trails Ladies.... 8) :roll:
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  #13  
Old 08-27-2007, 09:39 PM
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Hey Gals, Been in the same boat. Never married a rich man but a controlling SOB. I had three little girls and struggled for a long, long time. It is still a man's world. I didn't drive a truck then. I think one of the reason's driving a truck seemed good to me is I can make as much money as a man. Alot of jobs still get took by the men at the places I've worked. I mean the better paying jobs, etc. It is still not fair for the most part the way women are treated. There are not alot of jobs anymore where a person can make the kind of money you can in trucking with only a few months education learning how to do it. Sizzle, you did the right thing leaving your ex. LIke I said my ex was not rich but I never saw him. He was too busy to spend time with me and our children. Even though the divorce was the most difficult thing I ever went through I know its was the best thing for me at that time and today I would of done the same thing. I have no regrets except for marrying the jerk in the first place. For the first time in my life I feel I have job secuity. The job market for drivers is great. Sizzle don't mess with that company to long. There are lots of other companies that will treat you right. Sort of like the time we have wasted on dead end marragies. You just gotta move on sometimes.
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  #14  
Old 08-28-2007, 12:11 AM
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Default Thanks for your advice!

Thank you BlueGrassDeb for your advice. Glad to hear that you like trucking. You're correct about the same pay for both sexes. Even though I have degrees I'm sure if I stayed an Accountant that men probably even make more over there.

I'm seriously considering leaving my job. Had to go get another Doctor's note today to FedEx to Exec. up the ladder so they will leave me alone about the idling fiasco. I'm sure if they want to get rid of me along with the "high idlers" they'll come up with something else.

My boss thinks that they should leave me alone but we'll see... Yes, I should go but I have a brand new truck and great benefits. I keep trying to make myself realize that I've given up alot of sanity for that new truck though.

Not sure what will happen but know that I'll have a good idea how things will go this next time out. If it's not looking good, I'll leave. I got hired by every company I applied to last summer when I left before.
8) :roll:

Sizzle
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  #15  
Old 08-28-2007, 02:32 AM
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hey sizzle, your comment about not wanting kids hit me between the eyes...I too decided when I was young that I was not cut out to be a parent..BUT..you would not believe how much other women judge you for feeling this way...or maybe you would...some of us just don't have the temperament or the patience to do a good job with kids....I know my dad didnt..I just wish more people would be honest with themselves about what they really want from life before having kids. it would stop a lot of bad childhoods. most of my female friends are married with kids...okay, I am happy for them...but its nice to leave their houses and all the chaos when I leave to come home. :lol:
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  #16  
Old 08-28-2007, 02:25 PM
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LadyKatrina,

You are absolutely correct about people judging those of us who are "without children". But hey, I'm thrilled. Just like you said, it's so nice to leave the chaos after you visit. My best friend has a 20 year old that's still at home. She is a spoiled rotten brat and is always causing some kind of chaos.

My cousin has a 19 year old that acts like he's 40 but will never leave because she'll never let him leave. He hasn't even gotten his license yet and is such a Wus won't stand up for himself. I tried for years to stand up for him but he'd back down every down she'd get her dander up. I finally realized the kid had to do his own dirty work. He won't; therefore, I don't feel sorry for him anymore. His father died of cancer before he was born and she clings on to the poor thing let he's a life raft. I'm afraid he'll never leave due to her be overbearing. I hope the best for him but don't see it happening. Although, I'm sure I sound judgemental I don't usually say anything to them.

I totally agree with you about people who shouldn't have had children. My Mom is one of them-at least not having a daughter. She can't relate to me if you gave her "A How To" manual. I've tried for years and simply realized that since she had a miserable relationship with her Mother she can't seem to have a clue how to relate to me. She's very non-independent and makes me feel bad because I am independent. I think if I had children I would want them to be independent. She makes it sound like a disease or something. Gee, I don't know how I became that way when she shagged my All Star Baseball Brothers from game to game and I was left to fend for myself. UM!!

My ex-husband was afraid we'd be lonely in our old age without children. I used to say, "you can't guarantee they'll come around when you're old and gray." I wouldn't doubt it if he got marred for time #2 to a younger woman so he could finally have children.

We're not selfish as everyone tries to infer. We just know that just because you can procreate doesn't mean you should. I wish more people who think about that before they bring children into the world and either sexually, physically or emotionally abuse them. The societal pressure is so high to procreate that people don't stop sometimes and figure out if in fact they really want children. It's too bad-there's way too many "throw away children." O.K. end of sermon.

Good Day Ladies!!! 8) :roll:
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  #17  
Old 08-28-2007, 02:28 PM
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Lady Katrina, If it weren't for my grandbabies I would not of cared if I ever had kids. I know that sounds cold but I've had some really bad stuff happen with my kids in their adult lives that has hurt me beyond all understanding. It's too much for me to go into for it hurts to much to even talk about. But don't feel bad you girls for not wanting children. If a man came along that you felt you really connected with I'm sure you'd feel different. I didn't really love my girls dad and it turned out that they act more like him than me for the most part. He was a mean person and I hate to say it but all but one of my daughters acts just like him. I couldn't begin to tell you the tears I have shed over my children. I think now in my older yrs. that a man and woman truely must be crazy in love and respect each other in order to have off spring that will give them even an ounce of joy. Sizzle, If your reading this, I know lots of times I have had to give up something that meant alot to me thinking it would be impossible to replace. I can't think of two many times, even though I just posted lots of pain etc. from my kids, that God did not replace whatever I gave up with something better. I hope you all could follow my line of thinking here. In other words, in everything except my relationship with my daughters if I was patient and said ok God you take control i have been blessed. I do however have a son who is not grown yet who may end up making me a proud mom someday. Right now though he has went thru a faze over the last yr. or two. I think he is coming out of it. But it was pure hell too. I can't go into it but believe me if I could I would have you all saying I'm going to go get fixed.
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  #18  
Old 08-28-2007, 08:35 PM
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BlueGrassDeb:

I'm glad that you've realized the Grandkids are your "Saving Grace". Everyone that I know that has Grandkids seems to think that. I'll never know what it would have been like to have children, because the one person I think I might have considered having them with left the country. I never realized that I loved him until he was gone. When he returned he had a wife. I've always wondered how my life would have turned out if I had realized it before he left.

When I finally realized I was in love with two people at the same time it was too late. I had met my husband prior to "the love of my life". When the "love of my life" left the country my ex-husband returned to Tucson-where I lived at the time. The "love of my life" returned married and I left to live with my ex for 3 1/2 years before we got married. I probably had a more "financially wealthy" marriage with the one I married and shouldn't have. However, the other marriage would have probably been filled with love, mutual respect and mutual interests. We were always together and people used to joke that we were connected at the hip.

I wish I could have at least said goodbye to him. I always thought he'd come back and we'd continue on. Little did I know his family had other plans. Long story short he was from a culture where the family picks the bride. They knew he was serious with me and wouldn't let him return without having a bride in tow. They were afraid that he'd never return back to his country if he married an American. His Uncle had come over State Side to visit and realized how close we were. I'm sure he took that news back to his parents and the rest is history. Never got to talk to him again. SIGH!!! I know he was miserable because I passed him on the street one day in a friend's van. He always had a huge smile on his face and he looked SO SAD. He didn't see me and I almost stopped to tell him in front of her that I made a horrible mistake and that I loved him. But I didn't think it would have been fair to her. She was an innocent child picked to marry him. We were both in our early 20s and she was a teenager.

I knew before "the love of my lifes" returned that he had to marry this gal. His Birthday was exactly one week to the day before mine in Sept. I wanted to pay back his family for doing this to us. I had a friend call the Bride's familys' home and tell them to wish him a Happy Birthday. I'm sure the future Mother in Law didn't know who I was. I would have loved to be a fly on the wall when she told her "soon to be son in law" that his girlfriend wished him a Happy Birthday.

Yes, I know vindictiveness isn't the way to go. But that was particularly horrifying that a family would be so selfish as to get in between us.

O.K. now back to reality! 8) :roll:
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  #19  
Old 08-29-2007, 12:45 PM
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Sizzle, How long ago was it that you and that fellow were together? He might be divorced or widowed by now. Do you have a way of finding out? You hear stories about people getting together after years and years. You should try and find out. You never know!
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