Wear the army boots if you have to. Your son needs disclipin, and needs to know he can not walk all over you just because you are not his real mom. He will thank you for it later even if he never comes out and says it. It also might help keep he out of trouble later on in life.
It is understandable that your husband will want to spend more time with his son, since he is feeling guilty and is more comfortable around him. You can't force a relationship between your husband and daughter though. Hopefully it will happen after time. The best you might be able to do when he is there is to plan more family activities that includes everyone. If he has a special time with is boy, then he should have some special time with your daughter even if it might be shorter.
It probablly will be more difficult, unless your daugher actually likes the things your husband and his son do. Somehow it is always harder for fathers to relate to their daughters, especially when they are step daughters. There are exceptions though. If you could find some common ground between them, that would help.
You still have to split your time between the both of them. I know it will be hard. Try to be involved in some aspect of their lives that they enjoy. Try to split your time fairly between them. Maybe try planning a family night even though your husband will not always be there. Pizza, pop, chips, a good movie, game, or outing that involves all three of you.
Good luck
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