[The Killer Rabbit]

I was in a major wreck a few weeks ago which was not my fault..four wheeler wasnt merging correctly, I couldnt get over,(semi in the way), and he bullied his way into my truck causing him to flip over totaling the car and an amputation was involved from his travel companion becasue he wasnt wearing a seatbelt.
DOT and witnesses stated it wasnt my fault and that I'll be ok. The truck passed a level 1 inspection and I was completley legal.
Well, im coping, but.... I cant stand driving at night anymore due to thats when the accident happened, which was my favorite time to drive.
I have a hard time not thinking about what I saw, and every car that merges onto the freeway, I am seriously uneasy about to the point of OMG..wtf is he going to do?!? My worst nightmare has come true and its hard to get past it at this moment.
It could be worse I guess with fatalities, but it still plays over in my head.
I didnt trust four wheelers at all before, but the bar has been raised now to a new level.
I took about a week off after it, and it helped somewhat, but after being on the road for a week, I just dont know.
I feel absolutley terrible that someone lost their limb, but seriously....WTF?!?! What is wrong with these people that have to be first all the time??

My company has been extremely supportive of me so far, and I couldnt have asked for more as far as support...that is a good thing.
I just need to vent this to my brothers out there. This is a hell you dont want any part of.
Happieness is hard to find.
The only thing I can say is, I will pull through somehow. The only thing that keeps me going is money at this point.
I cant just stop working.

Moral of the story; what doesnt kill you makes you stronger? Ill let you know about that
I had to vent, hope yous understand

TKR

[mitchno1]

feel real sorry for you mate ,was txting a chic in america today saying bout problems here with fuel prices making these car drivers going way below the speed limit trying to save fuel and i think it will build up to more crashes with drivers getting impaitent,and that causes lots these prangs ,people held up then go like f... to make up .your company will support you i hope sounds like the cops are

[The Killer Rabbit]

Thanks Mitch...
So far so good as far as support. There are alot of variables as to why people do the thngs they do on the road, we try to read those things as best as possible, and accomodate as much as possible..but sometimes there are just odd
numbers out there that think they are even with the rest.
Attitude is everything when you get on the road. The "me first" attitude kills, An accomodating attitude teaches other drivers how to be considerate. For example...turtle racing. If a truck is having a hard time passing you, just slow down a notch, let him pass, and the tensness of the situation will be alleviated. Its a no brainer. What is that...like 10 seconds out of ones day to not only detensify a possible road rage situation, and to tell others, its not about just me,but about you as well.

Bla...

TKR

TKR

[Mr. Ford95]

Sorry to hear about the whole thing TKR. Can't imagine what it's like but I personally would have trashed my CDL if I were having PTSD to the extent you are and retired from driving a truck. I had a close call a week ago in wet conditions. It wasn't raining at the time but it had drizzled enough that the road was damp. A SUV was ahead of me a ways, decided they wanted to turn but not use the turn lane so they pretty much stopped in the thru-lane. They had no brake lights or turn signals so when I realized what was going on I had to hammer the brakes. I was swatting flies in the cab to keep the truck from wiping out into the ditch and avoid the SUV at the same time. Somehow I managed to not do a 360 into the ditch and not hit the SUV. Turns out I had a cop behind me, once I gathered the truck up I moved on to a place I could pull off and simply hit the reset button in my brain. The cop pulled up beside me and gave me a thumbs up and went on instead of going after the SUV and finding out what their deal was. After today I'm getting to the point that I don't want ANY passenger cars near me ever. Had 2 simply merge over like I wasn't even there, I don't know how the 2nd one missed my front bumper. Hitting the horn is useless, they just flip you the bird like it was all your fault.

I do hope the PTSD gets better for you and goes away.

[golfhobo]

Hey Rabbit.... lighten up on yourself! Other than a few misconceptions about trucking, you did everything that you could to avoid an accident. It clearly wasn't your fault. WE have a job to do, and families that want to see us come home. These idiots in their 4-wheelers, with phones to their ears, are obviously NOT concened. That is THEIR choice.

I drive ALWAYS with my mind and attention on other drivers. Yeah, they pizz me off, and I want to try to stay ahead of them (with a 75mph truck) but... that doesn't mean that I don't care more for their lives than mine.

Something BAD happened to you... and the others. YOU didn't cause it. It just happened. That is no reason to fall apart as a TRUCKER. It all depends...

IF you felt you were doing your job, and paying attention, and tried everything you KNEW (with your limited experience) to avoid an accident that hurt someone (or could have cost a life,) then... you were doing a good job.

IF you were pushing things, or taking chances, then you share responsibility.... and I'm sure that would haunt you.

This comes from a driver who WILL push things now and then. I KNOW the risks... and I know my skills. I am willing to take responsibility IF I ever screw up. But.... I don't screw up.

IF you were doing the right thing, and THEY were at fault.... you HAVE to put it in God's hands (or blow it off if you're an agnostic...) and get back in the saddle!

I suspect that you put a LOT of money and consideration into becoming a trucker. You MUST have thought you could handle it. Take some time to "deal" with the situation... and then get ON with your life.

There's a possible good side to this. You get the "worst" of trucking over early in your career. You will always be careful and considerate in your career. I would say you will always get home when you should.... whether nightly or weekly. And you will help "other" drivers do the same.

IF this had happened while you were driving your POV... would it make such a difference? I'm sure you would hurt just the same... but, would you get up and go to work in the next week or so? Yes, you would.

NEVER forget the size and mass of your vehicle IF it becomes involved in an accident. But, make SURE that accident is not YOUR fault. That is pretty much all we can do. ... no, I dare say...it is up to US to make sure the accident doesn't happen... IF we can.

WE are the "professionals" out here. Are you a trucker? Or just a steeringwheel holder?

"Maverick is re-engaging, sir! Maverick has re-engaged!"

[The Killer Rabbit]

Thanks for your support Ford and hobo...

Its tough, but I am a strong person, and true to myself without having to bs myself about anything.
I know I did everything I could, but further more, I have to move on and heal myself at the same time, and keep busy with stuff that seems irrelevant right now.
The first two weeks was tough on the road, just certain scenarios would trigger a flashback. As time is moving on, I am getting less stressed. I have to beat it early because if i dont, it will plague me for the rest of my life.
I find myself ignoring the repetitious thoughts of it. If I let it, Im aware that it could take certain aspects of my life over in an unhealthy way. Balance is the key.

Again, thanks
TKR

Here is a great article I found regarding the subject of PTSD:
Gift From Within - Article: "The Emotional Toll of Motor Vehicle Accidents on Truck Drivers"

[ironeagle_2006]

Time will help you Trust me KR how do I know this. June 24th is about the Worst day for me everyear. See in 1996 I had the worst possible thing happen to me that could happen to an OTR driver a Fatal accident. The first 3 months were the worst and I was on Unemplyment due to the Insurance Company wanting it so it happened. Then I went Back on the road and the first few weeks out were HELL to me. I survived and also the memories have faded for me except for the night of when the accident happened. This year will be 16 years and last year was the first time I was able to sleep thru the night.

[The Killer Rabbit]

Wow Iron Eagel, I give you props man!
I am glad your doing "better"!
For those who have never been through something like this...you dont really want to know what this living with it is like.
Its a very real thing and can be as spontaneous as anything really.
Life changes, but hopefully your legal and your truck passes if it does happen.

I heard a story of a trucker who was an hour over his drive time, and a drunk driver hit him from behind as the truck driver was exiting for a place to sleep. The four wheeler decapitated himself, and the truck driver got a few years in prison.
The truck driver was not supposed to be there so...
TKR

Originally Posted by ironeagle_2006

Time will help you Trust me KR how do I know this. June 24th is about the Worst day for me everyear. See in 1996 I had the worst possible thing happen to me that could happen to an OTR driver a Fatal accident. The first 3 months were the worst and I was on Unemplyment due to the Insurance Company wanting it so it happened. Then I went Back on the road and the first few weeks out were HELL to me. I survived and also the memories have faded for me except for the night of when the accident happened. This year will be 16 years and last year was the first time I was able to sleep thru the night.

[Windwalker]

Quite early in my career, I had two kids (just out of diapers) run out from between two cars parked on the shoulder of the road, and stop in the middle of my lane. Because of traffic, I could not move over, and found myself standing on the brakes and grabbing everything (including air) to try to stop before I hit the kids. When I stopped, with a cabover, I could not see the kids through the windshield. I got out and looked under the truck... They were about 3 inches in front of the bumper. I never touched them.

But for all the rest of my driving career, I EXAMINED every vehicle on the shoulder, looking to see if little feet were visible under it. If I saw feet of any kind, indicating someone standing on the opposite end, I did my level best to move over or I slowed way down to get past it.

Your experience will affect how you drive from now on.

[The Killer Rabbit]

You are absolutley right about that!
I do NOT drive the same anymore I am finding out... Im turning into the "back way off of the pack type" and watching everything I took for granted previously with the eye of an eagle. If im involved in a cluster, I just slow way down to get away from all the aggressives. I dont slow down to the point of causing hazard, but I slow down enough so drivers know I dont want a part of the game.

I seen the same scenario unfold a 1/4 mile in front of me when there was a car challenging a big truck to get on the freeway. The car slowed down enough after realizing that there was another truck on the side of the flatbed and then haphazardly merged...lots of brakelights including mine...a 1/4 mile back.

You and the kids were very fortunate Windwalker, and you still came out with the knowledge alot of us drivers lack...the seriousness and reality of it all. It all changes after that.

TKR