[JeffTheTerrible]

Who doesn't?

[Jumbo]

They just don't tell you where the decimal place was.

[Heavy Duty]

I get 100% of the revenue.

I get 5000 miles a week.

I get 8mpg.

I get better mileage the faster I go.

[Phantom433a]

my dispatcher is a great guy and never lies to me

[tweety bird]

After someone asks if the scales are open, I always love it when someone gets on the radio and says:

If you ran legal, you wouldn't need to know if the scale is open.

[Rev.Vassago]

Originally Posted by Heavy Duty

I get 8mpg.

I had a LS driver who was in a POS Freightliner claim 10 mpg the other day. :lol:

[Useless]

Originally Posted by JeffTheTerrible

"I was in the (pick one: a: Special Forces b: Ranger Regiment c: Navy SEALS d: Marine Recon e: super secret paramilitary squirrel organization)"

Dayumm, if that aint' the truth, Jeff!!

Strange, how all of the SEALS, Special Forces, Green Berrets, etc. all left the military to drive trucks!!...... and how NONE of the ex-soldiers who were billeting clerks or painters ever became truck drivers!!

I knew one driver who was in Army "Special Forces" in Vietnam..... only problem was, he was three years younger than me, and our involvement in "Nam ended when I was about 14 years old!!

The "Federal Marshall" stories are also quite ammusing.

Here's One:

I was hauling a load of classified government freight from Roswell, NM, out to Area 51. I actually got to go inside the space ship that crashed there. The CIA told the owner of my company that they wanted me to haul it because I was a Navy SEAL back when I was in the Armyand so they already knew me.

I had The Federal Marshall / FBI / CIA / ..... (or God only knows whoever else!!).... following me, so when I came up on the chicken houses, I just kept on driving. I was doing about 107 in my tripple digit truck, when DOT tried to pull me over, but the Federal Marshall got on the CB and told me to just keep rollin'...... he said he'd take care of that DOT Cop, and not to worry about it. So pretty soon,I had four..... no..... make that SEVEN DOT Cops chasing after me, and when I looked up, I could see that there was a a police helecopter tracking me too.

Anyway, the Air Force dispatched one of their Black Helicopters to keep that police helicopter off of my ass..... they told him to get the hell out of there...... by then, I guess those DOT cops got word about who I was, so they just turned off their lights and sirens, and got off at the next exit.

They were so happy with me that after I dopped the load out at Area 51, they called the President of my company and told him that they could have the contract to haul those loads as long as I was the one hauling them, but it was going to be any other driver, then they could forget about it!!

[Rev.Vassago]

"They blew the ping pong balls in through the vent, and when the DOT cop opened up the trailer, I made him clean up the mess"

"They told me to drive the hazmat load into a lake if there was a problem"

[Useless]

I failed my drug test because I was at a party at a friend's house, and he put some weed in the brownies and didn't tell me about it.........

Now, I'm gonna' call my congressman, since it is a violation of HIPAA to test me while other drivers are in the room.

Oh, BTW, pot has certain medicinal values, and it's really not dangerous like they say it is...... I actually drive BETTER after I've smoked a joint, so please sign my petition to end drug testing..... it's unconstitutional!!

[Useless]

I know a guy who drives for CR England, and he takes home a couple of thousand a week, after expenses!!