[Malaki86]

This has nothing to do with trucking, but I gotta ask..

Yesterday I was going over my bank account after I updated online with Quicken. I noticed a lot of cash withdraws from my joint checking account. Normally, my wife makes very few cash withdraws (maybe 3 or 4 in the past 6 months). After counting them, I found 11 in the past 30 days.

I asked my wife about them and after a number of calls to the bank, we're about 99.999% sure we know what happened.

My wife works with her daughter (25yrs old). They do housekeeping for a business that covers a number of buildings. My step-daughter works 1/2 of her shift with her mother, the other half at another building. They start the day out by sharing a ride to work, the step-daughter goes to the other building and then comes to work in the same building as my wife 1/2 way through the shift.

Every ATM withdraw has been done at a gas station next door to the building my step-daughter works at (5 miles from my wife) at the same time as when she leaves that building to join my wife. Also, every withdraw was done on the days that they work.

So, we know who's gotten hold of the card. She already changed the pin codes on the cards but the damage has already been done. I'm not overly concerned about the roughly $250 that's missing. What bothers me is how to handle it.

My wife already talked to her daughter. Of course, she denied it. So, what to do now... I told my wife that if her daughter would admit to it and pay us back (hell - $20 every month would be fine) we'd let it go and not say another word to her. What if she doesn't admit to it?

When I asked the bank about it, they said we can go in to have the bank refute the withdraws as they were done without our permission. The bank would then involve the police into the matter. You know where it would go from there...

So - what would you do?

[pigrider]

No police, that is your step daughter! Me being the man of the house I would ask her myself. If she denies it change your code and let it go! Enough damage has already been done.

The ripple that it will cause in the family (grandkids) is not worth $250.00.

Live long enough your kids and grandkids are going to disappoint you from time to time

Just my 2 cents

[wepwawet]

Call your bank have them pull the photos from the atm. Its painless for them to do and they are going to do anyway to make sure ur not pulling a fast one on them.

2 reasons to do it

1 know for sure who did it

2 If she is telling the truth whos getting into your account?

You would feel bad if you banged your chest at her only to find out some computer geek copied your card one day while you used a atm.

And if they did your bank can go after them.


Now if they pull the tape and it is her, ask the bank for a copy and make her own up to it. Its not about the money its about personal responsibility.
If you let it go by the wayside now then when its 500 or 1000 your going to be expected to ignore it.

my 2c and IM 26

[Twilight Flyer]

I agree with Wep. She needs to own up to it or nothing is gained and a lot more is lost.

Regardless of the relationship, it is a criminal matter. Whether you choose to involve the police or not is ultimately up to you. But I certainly wouldn't rule it out simply to keep the peace. :roll:

Get your proof from the ATM cameras and confront her. If she's sorry and offers to make restitution, then all is well, even if you tell her to forget about it. The point would be, she accepted responsibility for her actions and that's the most important thing.

Of course, if she's defiant, then I'd dispute it with the bank and let things fall where they may. If she's not smart enough to own up to screwing up, she deserves whatever consequences are on the horizon.

[Uturn2001]

You could always take this approach:

Say to your step daughter: I need to ask you one more time. Did you take the ATM card and withdraw money from my account?

If she says no then tell her fine you just wanted to be sure before you file a fraud claim with the bank and they do a full investigation and press criminal charges. Since it is not you we won't have to worry about making visits on family day at the jail.

Then refute the charges and let the bank and police handle it. Just make sure your wife is on the same page.

The way I see it this is a criminal matter, and while it does suck big time that it is most likely a family member who has committed the crime, it is still theft. On top of that if it is your step daughter then she is lying about it. At 25 years old she is not a child anymore and it is time for her to face the consequences of her choices. I would call it one for tough love.

[trux]

Some people make mistakes and they learn from them, and it's really unrelated to whether or not they admit the mistake to other people.

Some people make mistakes and they don't learn anything, this is also unrelated to whether or not they admit it to other people.

The important thing is do they admit the mistake to themselves?

Some people figure it out right away, some take awhile and some never figure it out.

If/when you're sure she did it, I would simply present her with the undeniable evidence. The fact that she's your wife's daughter complicates things because putting her in jail will stain her for the rest of her life. She will never live it down.

If she was my wife's daughter, I would give her a chance to learn from it.

If she doesn't learn from it, then she'll do it to someone else and that someone else can put her in jail.

[pigrider]

Boy you all are harsh!

[Twilight Flyer]

If she doesn't learn from it, then she'll do it to someone else and that someone else can put her in jail.

Of course. :roll: Standard mindset of today's parents...let someone else deal with it. :roll:

Heaven forbid parents actually parent today. Harsh or not, that's the simple truth. Parents don't want to parent anymore...they'd rather let someone else deal with it.

[pigrider]

Twilight Flyer didn't you put a post one time that said the meek shal inherit the earth

Well what about being humble and forgiving in this sitiuation?

We are talking about a measely $250.00 dollar and your child! If this is the first time she as done something like this I would scold her real good, get my money back and forgive her!

Even if I don't recover my money if I can not forgive my own child then what does that say about me as a person?

But I will say if the child is found to be at fault and is not remorseful I would still let it go but I will know who and what I am dealing with in the future!

[Twilight Flyer]

A parent should parent, not try to score points or look for the easiest route. Sometimes the difficult paths are the best teachers.

If you reread through my posts, you'll see that I do not advocate throwing her to the wolves without thought. I advocate confronting her.

If it were my daughter, I would confront her. If she admitted to it and was remorseful, I would probably forgive the debt but would let her know that it will take some work on her part to regain my trust in her.

If I confronted her and she denied it, I would get whatever proof I needed from the bank and would confront her a second time. In my eyes, she would have no choice now but to admit it. I'd make her repay the money in a way she was able to and would have a hard time trusting her for quite some time afterward.

If she remained defiant even after that 2nd confrontation, I would take it up with the bank and let her sink or swim on her own accord.

It's called teaching accountability. It's what precious few parents do these days and people wonder why the world is as screwed up as it is. :roll: