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Sizzle · Joined: 10 Oct 2006 Posts: 207 Location: Colorado

LadyKatrina,

You are absolutely correct about people judging those of us who are "without children". But hey, I'm thrilled. Just like you said, it's so nice to leave the chaos after you visit. My best friend has a 20 year old that's still at home. She is a spoiled rotten brat and is always causing some kind of chaos.

My cousin has a 19 year old that acts like he's 40 but will never leave because she'll never let him leave. He hasn't even gotten his license yet and is such a Wus won't stand up for himself. I tried for years to stand up for him but he'd back down every down she'd get her dander up. I finally realized the kid had to do his own dirty work. He won't; therefore, I don't feel sorry for him anymore. His father died of cancer before he was born and she clings on to the poor thing let he's a life raft. I'm afraid he'll never leave due to her be overbearing. I hope the best for him but don't see it happening. Although, I'm sure I sound judgemental I don't usually say anything to them.

I totally agree with you about people who shouldn't have had children. My Mom is one of them-at least not having a daughter. She can't relate to me if you gave her "A How To" manual. I've tried for years and simply realized that since she had a miserable relationship with her Mother she can't seem to have a clue how to relate to me. She's very non-independent and makes me feel bad because I am independent. I think if I had children I would want them to be independent. She makes it sound like a disease or something. Gee, I don't know how I became that way when she shagged my All Star Baseball Brothers from game to game and I was left to fend for myself. UM!!

My ex-husband was afraid we'd be lonely in our old age without children. I used to say, "you can't guarantee they'll come around when you're old and gray." I wouldn't doubt it if he got marred for time #2 to a younger woman so he could finally have children.

We're not selfish as everyone tries to infer. We just know that just because you can procreate doesn't mean you should. I wish more people who think about that before they bring children into the world and either sexually, physically or emotionally abuse them. The societal pressure is so high to procreate that people don't stop sometimes and figure out if in fact they really want children. It's too bad-there's way too many "throw away children." O.K. end of sermon.

Good Day Ladies!!! :) 8) :roll:

bluegrassdeb · Joined: 17 May 2005 Posts: 134 Location: Tiffin, OHio

Lady Katrina, If it weren't for my grandbabies I would not of cared if I ever had kids. I know that sounds cold but I've had some really bad stuff happen with my kids in their adult lives that has hurt me beyond all understanding. It's too much for me to go into for it hurts to much to even talk about. But don't feel bad you girls for not wanting children. If a man came along that you felt you really connected with I'm sure you'd feel different. I didn't really love my girls dad and it turned out that they act more like him than me for the most part. He was a mean person and I hate to say it but all but one of my daughters acts just like him. I couldn't begin to tell you the tears I have shed over my children. I think now in my older yrs. that a man and woman truely must be crazy in love and respect each other in order to have off spring that will give them even an ounce of joy. Sizzle, If your reading this, I know lots of times I have had to give up something that meant alot to me thinking it would be impossible to replace. I can't think of two many times, even though I just posted lots of pain etc. from my kids, that God did not replace whatever I gave up with something better. I hope you all could follow my line of thinking here. In other words, in everything except my relationship with my daughters if I was patient and said ok God you take control i have been blessed. I do however have a son who is not grown yet who may end up making me a proud mom someday. Right now though he has went thru a faze over the last yr. or two. I think he is coming out of it. But it was pure hell too. I can't go into it but believe me if I could I would have you all saying I'm going to go get fixed.

Sizzle · Joined: 10 Oct 2006 Posts: 207 Location: Colorado

BlueGrassDeb:

I'm glad that you've realized the Grandkids are your "Saving Grace". Everyone that I know that has Grandkids seems to think that. I'll never know what it would have been like to have children, because the one person I think I might have considered having them with left the country. I never realized that I loved him until he was gone. When he returned he had a wife. I've always wondered how my life would have turned out if I had realized it before he left.

When I finally realized I was in love with two people at the same time it was too late. I had met my husband prior to "the love of my life". When the "love of my life" left the country my ex-husband returned to Tucson-where I lived at the time. The "love of my life" returned married and I left to live with my ex for 3 1/2 years before we got married. I probably had a more "financially wealthy" marriage with the one I married and shouldn't have. However, the other marriage would have probably been filled with love, mutual respect and mutual interests. We were always together and people used to joke that we were connected at the hip.

I wish I could have at least said goodbye to him. I always thought he'd come back and we'd continue on. Little did I know his family had other plans. Long story short he was from a culture where the family picks the bride. They knew he was serious with me and wouldn't let him return without having a bride in tow. They were afraid that he'd never return back to his country if he married an American. His Uncle had come over State Side to visit and realized how close we were. I'm sure he took that news back to his parents and the rest is history. Never got to talk to him again. SIGH!!! I know he was miserable because I passed him on the street one day in a friend's van. He always had a huge smile on his face and he looked SO SAD. He didn't see me and I almost stopped to tell him in front of her that I made a horrible mistake and that I loved him. But I didn't think it would have been fair to her. She was an innocent child picked to marry him. We were both in our early 20s and she was a teenager.

I knew before "the love of my lifes" returned that he had to marry this gal. His Birthday was exactly one week to the day before mine in Sept. I wanted to pay back his family for doing this to us. I had a friend call the Bride's familys' home and tell them to wish him a Happy Birthday. I'm sure the future Mother in Law didn't know who I was. I would have loved to be a fly on the wall when she told her "soon to be son in law" that his girlfriend wished him a Happy Birthday.

Yes, I know vindictiveness isn't the way to go. But that was particularly horrifying that a family would be so selfish as to get in between us.

O.K. now back to reality! :) 8) :roll:

bluegrassdeb · Joined: 17 May 2005 Posts: 134 Location: Tiffin, OHio

Sizzle, How long ago was it that you and that fellow were together? He might be divorced or widowed by now. Do you have a way of finding out? You hear stories about people getting together after years and years. You should try and find out. You never know!

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