A Serious Question ( about men)
 

I am really bad at this kind of stuff (obviously why I'm still single at 50)! http://i221.photobucket.com/albums/d...leys/Blush.gif What do men consider 'romantic'? I don't mean sexy, I can figure that part out, :lol: but what is romantic to a man. Or do they even want, or need, romance? :confused:

Do guys need or want romance? You ever figure that out write a book and you wont ever have to work again. Things I consider romantic:

1) A candle light dinner at home with soft music in the background.
2) A note in my lunchbox.
3) Call me at work just to say you are thinking about me.
4) Rub my back.
5) If you hate scary movies just curl up on the couch and watch one with me, I promise I will protect you.
6) Slow dance with me in the livingroom.

Is this any insight?

Those are great insights! Thank you!!!!

How about:

making your favorite diner just because?
letting you win at bowling?
asking you how your day was and really be interested?

:)

Oh I'm sorry were you talking to me?

I do things like that ( including making his favorite brownies) but I'm told that they are more practical, than romantic. Hence my issue: I think that men and women have very different ideas on what is romantic. To me it's the little things that show you care about someone. And I was told specifically that letting him win at bowling or miniature golf was condescending. Maybe I shouldn't tell him that I let him win. :p

Was it Tanya Tucker who had the song "Little Things" I think Kenny Rogers had one titled the same.

i agree that it is the little things most of the time. he may not realize it, but when you stop he will notice. then he will ask - why don't you bake me brownies anymore?

Throughout known history men have been expected to be the ones to create the romance in a relationship. If man fails to keep the romance wagon rolling, he loses the ultimate prize.

Men don't expect to be romanced, and may not even notice if they are romanced.

Favorite dinner? Nice, I was hungry and I like this stuff.
Watching a movie you don't like with me? Huh, she must really be bored, I'd better hide the remote for awhile.
Backrub? Wohooo, I'm gonna get some!

A note in the lunchbox or an unexptected call or text, yeah, those are good and will even be seen as romantic. Don't expect many guys to want or even notice much deeper romance then things like that though.

Shouldn't it be a 2 way street? If men don't expect, or notice, being romanced, what is it that they want? And why do I keep hearing that I don't have a romantic bone in my body?

Rebel it is the Little things that the women in mens life do that we think are romantic. However in my case for me it goes when my wife reaches and just wants to hold my hand or cuddles up next to me in bed or goes I'll get the 2 year old ready for bed tonight since you have her all day since our roles are reversed here. But the biggest thing for my wife and I is always keeping the line of commo open we both know when those close that things are getting bad and we need to realize that HEY there are 2 in this marriage and we need to get back in touch with each other.

X2 :thumbsup:

I think the key is connection.

But romance isnt always planned. One of the best memories I have is the time I was siding our new garage. It was a late Sunday afternoon, I was on top of 3 sections of scaffolding when she came back from town. She climbed to the top then pulled up a bag with a box of fried chicken, a bottle of wine and plastic cups. We sat there snuggled against each other eating chicken and watching the sunset. She said it was just a spur of the moment thing.

Doh..... last time I was on the roof (the garage) I was hanging Christmas lights... the ladder fell and I yelled for a half an hour trying to get someone out of the house to help me get down......

It is a great memory, Jumbo... One to treasure and apparently you are :thumbsup:

Romance is:

-telling the person you love that you do, during the most unexpected of times.
-talking to the person you love, and actually listening to them because you want to hear what they have to say.
-looking at the person you love, and telling them with only a gaze that they are the most important person in your life.
-wrapping your arms around the person you love, just because you want to be near them.
-doing as much as you possibly can when the person you love is sick so that they don't have to.
-giving as much as you take. Giving more than you take.

:)

It was Tanya Tucker. One fo the best female country singers ever.





OK back on topic.:thumbsup:

Like for me my wife is having cravings BIG time called Pregnant with our LAST child I get the snip in 3 weeks she gets cut tied and BURNED at the delivery. She is wanting some of my Chicken Wings and Home Made Crab Rangoons.
She also is ther for me after I end up flopping like a fish. For me the biggest part of romance is alway knwign tha when I need that little bit of something to make me feel better even if I am sore as hell form back to back seizures she is there for me.

I made some of those last night. Minus the crab.

Steak rangoons?

Cream cheese puffs. Wonton skins filled with cream cheese, and deep fried. YUM.

I have to agree with flatbed, we don't expect to be romanced, or even realize it when we are being romanced. But the reality is it is going to be different for everyone, you really have to get to know the person, what they like, what they don't like to really be able to come up with an answer.

Reb - I'm not really "romantic" either. If I had more $$ and time, I could probably think of a lot of romantic ideas. You should be the one who is getting romanced, anyway. I mean, as women, we can do certain things - like cooking that favorite meal or "setting the stage"...so to speak, but otherwise, I don't have a lot of input. I should stay tuned to this post to get ideas, also!!

However, I'm in a totally different situation as you, also...I still have kids at home and am separated...so I don't have the motivation to try to romance my hub...and, in the event that it (that little "fire") ever "came back", the kids would probably certainly make sure we had no time alone, anyway!

Really, the only things I have done to make sure that my partner knew that I loved him was...go to work everday to relieve financial stress (half the time, I was the only one doing this), keep the laundry done...with whatever detergent/fabric softener is his favorite, cook special things (coconut or chocolate creme pie, strawberry pie, brownies, etc...) so he could call his dad and rub it in, search out clothing that would fit him AND look good (he's 6' 11" so it's hard to find things that really fit him nicely), keep the oil changed in my truck/clean it out (because I knew it was important to him), etc...

I'll be glad to get some tips, too...for the "next time"...if there is a next time!!

I'd like to know that, too. Is he telling you that you are not romantic?

May I make the suggestion that maybe the problem isnt with you ladies? Maybe you ladies were just with the wrong guy who couldnt see romance if you smacked him in the face with it? Some guys think that sex IS romance. I call them knuckle dragging mouth breathers. Lets face it. Young ladies are pumping their own gas ( and washing the windows) while their bf sits in the car. Every lady wants a nice guy, So why are the nice guys single?

Great description there Jumbo, I've known a few of those!:crossbones: As to why the nice guys are still single, I don't know. Maybe they're as picky as I am. I'm still trying to figure out why some of the nicest women I know are single or with one of those knuckle dragging mouth breathers.

And Bloo, no he isn't telling me I'm not romantic, he is actually trying to convince me that I am. But after a lifetime of being told that I'm not, it's a hard sell. He actually appreciates the things I do, even when I don't think they are that big of a deal.

Why is all the Nice guys are single I will give you a reason. I was considered a NICE guy in HS and the girls n HS and Colledge are NOT looking for the so called NICE guy they want the Party Animals. Next thing they know they are Pregnant that happened to my wife before I met her and she and her EX got married because of that. Well he ended up breaking my stepsons arm at 4 months ecause hewas crying because he was hungry and had a dirty diaper what 4 month old WOULD NOT CRY with those 2 problems. I met her at irst she was like HE CAN NOT BE REAL then it hit her I WAS AS NICE AS I WAS. Now she is like I hit the Jackpot won the lottery and struck gold all at the same time. Name one other husband that will cook clean do the Dishes laundry and take care of the kids without complaints 24/7 and all he asks for in return is some cuddles every now and then. That and I get to keep my 150 gallon fish tank.

That isn't that hard to find.

What has two thumbs and did all that? (thumbs pointing towards me) This guy.

Oh wait. My brother, the stay at home dad and college student, wants me to point at him also.

With some it is. I know of some families where the husband refuses to do anything with the kids and leaves it all up to the mother of them and then he wonders why she is always tired. Guys if your idea of romanceis lift your FEET when she is a Vacuming CALLED you need a wake up call. For me the most important people in my life go in this order my wife and kids FIRST then my other family then my friends.

Men like that give other men a bad name. But all men are not like that.

I think it gets a bit confusing with "caring for" the kids. The children are both parent's responsibility to nurture and provide and teach values. But from the get go the scales are unbalanced (i.e. dads can't breast feed).


As far as dishes, vacuuming, and laundry lets add the other side, oil changing, roof repair, and lawn mowing. I don't see any of it as romantic :hellno:

Unfortunately, some women don't know what they want....

Some guys do stuff...not the stuff that needs to be done, just what they decide they want to do. In general, those guys do not make life easier, they get in the way, then gripe when you haven't gotten anything done. My all-time favorites quote from my soon-to-be-ex who comes up on weekends: "I don't how how you can stand to live like this" - well, maybe I was spending my little bit of spare time mowing and pulling the weeds in the alley so we don't get a ticket instead of fixing the rod that fell down in my closet (which I asked him to do the last three times he was here). So, instead of helping me by fixing the rod...he is just ovewrwhelmed that I "live like that". It's okay...

I asked a friend of mine to help me fix that rod in the closet and he fixed it. I only have so much time to do things with 4 kids and a job. It is true...all men are not like that. There are some really great guys out there...

You are cold and hard....teeheehee...depends on what you are wearing while you wash dishes...LOLOLO :moon:

Hmm... go for the "bigger picture".... mow the lawn :)

And I'm sure he didn't expect anything in return for it either. Even occasional cuddles. That's the whole "giving as much or more than you take" thing. It has less to do with romance, and more to do with respect. By giving as much as you take, you are giving respect to the person in your life that is important to you. If you don't respect the person, then it's pretty darn hard to feel romantic toward them.

+1 well said, Rev. Well said :thumbsup:

It is totally about respect.

I know, darn it...I could probably get a lot more help that way...but there is a cop that lives down the street...:smokin:

:block:

Do you guys think your parents relationships come into play here? We learn by example. Any relationship is going to get tested at some point. I think we either try to get along or try to break up. Kinda like deciding to be happy or sad. It is a choice. Some relationships just werent right but some that fail could have been saved with a different mindset. I guess I dont relate to romance per se. My wife and I just get along and we like each other. We try not to hurt each other. We always know we want to be together and we tell each other that. Just talking out loud here Reb, not sure how to answer your question. I'm not much help around the house. I do all the guy stuff and I'm responsible but not much on cooking, cleaning, laundry so I dont think thats the answer.