Heaven or Hell

[Southron]

A prominent politician unexpectedly dies. His soul arrives in Heaven and St. Peter meets him at the entrance. “Welcome to Heaven,” says St. Peter. “Before you settle in, it seems there's a small problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we’re not sure what to do with you.” “No problem, just let me in,” says the now former senator. “Well, I’d like to but I have orders from higher up. What we’ll do is have you spend one day in Hell and one in Heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity." "No, really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven," says the senator. "I'm sorry but we have our rules." And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to Hell.

The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of the most beautiful golf course that he has ever seen. In the distance is the clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him, everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, hug him, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They played a friendly game of golf and then retired to the club where they enjoyed caviar, prime rib and lobster, followed by the finest cigars and 100 year-old brandy. Also present is the Devil, who really is a very friendly guy and entertains them all with funny stories and jokes. They're having such a great time that, before he realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a big hug and waves while the elevator rises. The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on Heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him. "Now it's time to visit Heaven."

24 hours pass with the senator conversing with Saints and angels, moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns. "Well then, you've spent a day in Hell and another in Heaven. Now choose your eternity." He thinks for a minute, then answers: "Well, I never thought I would hear myself say this, I mean Heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in Hell." So Saint Peter escorts him, to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to Hell.

The elevator opens and he's in the middle of a hot, barren waste-land surrounded by mountains of rancid, festering garbage. He sees all his friends: filthy and dressed in rags, miserably picking up garbage and putting it in burlap bags. The Devil comes over to him and puts her arm around his shoulder. "I... I don't understand," stammers the senator, "when I was here yesterday there was a beautiful golf course and country club. We ate lobster and caviar and danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable."

The Devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning, today you voted for us!"

[Windwalker]

Boy, ain't that the truth.