Getting Old in Florida

[Creek Jackson]

Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch in
Bonita Springs , doing nothing.

One lady turns and asks, 'Do you still get horny?'

The other replies, 'Oh sure I do.'

The first old lady asks, 'What do you do about it?'

The second old lady replies, 'I suck a lifesaver.'

After a few moments, the first old lady asks, 'Who
drives you to the beach?'

************************************************** ********
Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their
retirement home in Ft. Lauderdale reminiscing.
The first lady recalled shopping at the green grocers
and demonstrated with her hands, the length and
thickness of a cucumber she could buy for a penny.

The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to
be much bigger and cheaper also, and demonstrated the
size of two big onions she could buy for a penny a piece.

The third old lady remarked, 'I can't hear a word
you're saying, but I remember the guy you're talking about.

************************************************** ********
A little old lady was sitting on a park bench in The Villages,
a Florida Adult community. A man walked over and sits
down on the other end of the bench. After a few moments,
the woman asks, 'Are you a stranger here?'

He replies, 'I lived here years ago.'

'So, where were you all these years?'

'In prison,' he says.

'Why did they put you in prison?'

He looked at her, and very quietly said, 'I killed my wife.'

'Oh!' said the woman. 'So you're single...?!'

************************************************** ********
Two elderly people living in Ft. Myers , he was a widower
and she a widow, had known each other for a number of
years. One evening there was a community supper in the
big arena in the Clubhouse.

The two were at the same table, across from one another.
As the meal went on, he took a few admiring glances at
her and finally gathered the courage to ask her, 'Will you
marry me?'

After about six seconds of 'careful consideration,' she
answered 'Yes. Yes, I will!'

The meal ended and, with a few more pleasant exchanges,
they went to their respective places. Next morning, he was
troubled. 'Did she say 'yes' or did she say 'no'?'

He couldn't remember. Try as he might, he just could not
recall. Not even a faint memory. With trepidation, he went
to the telephone and called her.

First, he explained that he didn't remember as well as he
used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past.
As he gained a little more courage, he inquired, 'When I
asked if you would marry me, did you say ' Yes' or did
you say 'No'?'

He was delighted to hear her say, 'Why, I said, 'Yes, yes
I will' and I meant it with all my heart.' Then she continued,
'And I am so glad that you called, because I couldn't
remember who had asked me.'

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
A man was telling his neighbor in Miami , 'I just bought a new
hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state
of the art. It's perfect.'

'Really,' answered the neighbor. 'What kind is it?'

'Twelve thirty.'

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor in Estero to
get a physical. A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking
down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.

A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Morris and said,
'You're really doing great, aren't you?'

'Just doing what you said, Doc : 'Get a hot mamma' and 'be
cheerful.'',Morris replied.

To which doctor said, 'I didn't say that, Morris. I said, 'You've
got a heart murmur, be careful!'

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
A little old man shuffled slowly into the 'Orange Dipper', an
ice cream parlor in Naples, and pulled himself slowly,
painfully, up onto a stool.

After catching his breath he ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'

'No,' he replied, 'hemorrhoids

[RebelDarlin]