Crazy English Language

[Creek Jackson]

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese? One index, two indices? Is cheese the plural of choose? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? In what language do people recite at a play, and play at a recital? Ship by truck, and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another? When a house burns up, it burns down. You fill in a form by filling it out, and an alarm clock goes off by going on. When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it.

[golfhobo]

One index, two indices?

Yep.

But, that was funny as Hell! There are probably hundreds more examples.

[Creek Jackson]

Originally Posted by golfhobo

Yep.

But, that was funny as Hell! There are probably hundreds more examples.

There are for sure many examples. One that comes to mind is "Flat". There are about 60 definitions on the usage of flat.
Such as;

The light was flat as the woman emerged from her flat wearing her new flats only discover her car had a flat. Luckily she was parked in a flat area and was able to change the tire in 5 minutes flat. Being late she drove flat out to the bar and ordered a beer that tasted flat but was very potent and knocked her flat. :wink:

[Windwalker]

Originally Posted by Creek Jackson

The light was flat as the woman emerged from her flat wearing her new flats only discover her car had a flat. Luckily she was parked in a flat area and was able to change the tire in 5 minutes flat. Being late she drove flat out to the bar and ordered a beer that tasted flat but was very potent and knocked her flat. :wink:

That was even funnier than the first one.

[Creek Jackson]

WindWalker,

I finally discovered where your avatar is based. There are three exits in a row that are note-worthy.

Bad Route Road
Cracker Box Road
Whoopitup (Road or Creek)

I-94 Montana/North Dakota Border

cj

[Windwalker]

Originally Posted by Creek Jackson

WindWalker,

I finally discovered where your avatar is based. There are three exits in a row that are note-worthy.

Bad Route Road
Cracker Box Road
Whoopitup (Road or Creek)

I-94 Montana/North Dakota Border

cj

I couldn't believe it when I first saw the sign. I think it took me about half a dozen trips through there before I actually managed to snap the picture. While I did not do it for an avatar, I thought it would fit. Drivers are ALWAYS finding bad routes for one reason or another.

[Kranky]

Originally Posted by Creek Jackson

There are for sure many examples. One that comes to mind is "Flat". There are about 60 definitions on the usage of flat.
Such as;

The light was flat as the woman emerged from her flat wearing her new flats only discover her car had a flat. Luckily she was parked in a flat area and was able to change the tire in 5 minutes flat. Being late she drove flat out to the bar and ordered a beer that tasted flat but was very potent and knocked her flat. :wink:

Was she flat chested?????????

[Creek Jackson]

Originally Posted by Splitshifter

Was she flat chested?????????

As a matter of fact,,,,,,,,,I have edited the above to order. With some fruit.