What would you do?

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View Poll Results: How would you handle this situation?

Don't say another word about it

2
9.52%

Make her admit to it and agree to repay

17
80.95%

Involve the bank/police

2
9.52%

Voters: 21. You may not vote on this poll

#11

10-18-2007 10:23 PM by pigrider

Quote:
Originally Posted by Twilight Flyer
A parent should parent, not try to score points or look for the easiest route. Sometimes the difficult paths are the best teachers.

If you reread through my posts, you'll see that I do not advocate throwing her to the wolves without thought. I advocate confronting her.

If it were my daughter, I would confront her. If she admitted to it and was remorseful, I would probably forgive the debt but would let her know that it will take some work on her part to regain my trust in her.

If I confronted her and she denied it, I would get whatever proof I needed from the bank and would confront her a second time. In my eyes, she would have no choice now but to admit it. I'd make her repay the money in a way she was able to and would have a hard time trusting her for quite some time afterward.

If she remained defiant even after that 2nd confrontation, I would take it up with the bank and let her sink or swim on her own accord.

It's called teaching accountability. It's what precious few parents do these days and people wonder why the world is as screwed up as it is. :roll:
Twilight Flyer you mean to tell me you would let you daughter become a felon for taking $250 from you. LOL

I hear ya EYE FOR AN EYE!!!

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#12

10-18-2007 11:33 PM by RostyC

Quote:
Originally Posted by Twilight Flyer
A parent should parent, not try to score points or look for the easiest route. Sometimes the difficult paths are the best teachers.

If you reread through my posts, you'll see that I do not advocate throwing her to the wolves without thought. I advocate confronting her.

If it were my daughter, I would confront her. If she admitted to it and was remorseful, I would probably forgive the debt but would let her know that it will take some work on her part to regain my trust in her.

If I confronted her and she denied it, I would get whatever proof I needed from the bank and would confront her a second time. In my eyes, she would have no choice now but to admit it. I'd make her repay the money in a way she was able to and would have a hard time trusting her for quite some time afterward.

If she remained defiant even after that 2nd confrontation, I would take it up with the bank and let her sink or swim on her own accord.

It's called teaching accountability. It's what precious few parents do these days and people wonder why the world is as screwed up as it is. :roll:
+1

Tough love is hard but effective.

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#13

10-18-2007 11:34 PM by Mackman

Quote:
Originally Posted by Uturn2001
Say to your step daughter: I need to ask you one more time. Did you take the ATM card and withdraw money from my account?

If she says no then tell her fine you just wanted to be sure before you file a fraud claim with the bank and they do a full investigation and press criminal charges. Since it is not you we won't have to worry about making visits on family day at the jail.
Thats the best idea i seen on here. I agree with U turn give her one last time to admit to it. If not let the bank handle it.

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#14

10-19-2007 12:17 AM by Skywalker

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mackman
Quote:
Originally Posted by Uturn2001
Say to your step daughter: I need to ask you one more time. Did you take the ATM card and withdraw money from my account?

If she says no then tell her fine you just wanted to be sure before you file a fraud claim with the bank and they do a full investigation and press criminal charges. Since it is not you we won't have to worry about making visits on family day at the jail.
Thats the best idea i seen on here. I agree with U turn give her one last time to admit to it. If not let the bank handle it.
I have to agree.

Lets see....she's 25 years old...about 18 years past the point of knowing right from wrong. She may have STOLEN AN ATM CARD AND A PIN NUMBER.... THEN USED THE CARD REPEATEDLY. The theft of the ATM card and the PIN # are CRIMINAL ACTS not the acts of a "loving daughter". If she was to be considered so "darling", why did she not ask her mother for a "loan"? Simple....she has a bad edge to her, and is apparently stupid enough to believe that no-one would catch repeated withdrawals.... Oh, duh.

Confront her with the pictures, if the ATM pictures show it was she. If she tap-dances...tell her she is going to return the money with interest, in about 1 week. Tell her to get another job if she has to. Life is tough, but no-one says you have to eat :dung: for a relative, even a son or daughter.

Yes, you can "forgive" her. Thats the easy part. The hard part is to hold her accountable for her actions. If you fail to do that....YOU WILL GET HOSED AGAIN!! The difference will be that the next time around it will be for a greater amount. Forgiveness does not mean nor does it imply that you eat a :dung: sandwich for her misdeeds. The really hard thing will be trusting her in the future.....and it should be let known to her that it will be a long journey to earn back the trust.

ITS BEST TO BUST HER HUMP NOW, BEFORE SHE ENDS UP IN PRISON FOR FELONY THEFT FROM A STRANGER, OR HAVING THE :dung: BEAT OUT OF HER BY SOMEONE ELSE....OR A CELL MATE. Its called "TOUGH LOVE", and sometimes its what it takes.

Now, on the other hand....if the ATM pictures show someone else that you cannot recognize, then its a different ball game.

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#15

10-19-2007 02:07 AM by allan5oh

I agree with most others here, nip this in the butt, NOW!

She could also be testing you. You never know.

Even if the cops are called to investigate, odds are it would be up to you to press charges. You may need to call them to prove that it was her.

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#16

10-19-2007 03:08 AM by Malaki86

Thanks for all the replies. Everyone seems to be thinking the same thing that me and my wife are - make her admit to it. If she'd admit to it then, yes, we could forgive her, even if she can't repay us but she'd have a hard time earning our trust again. My wife is actually more upset with it than I am. She wanted to go to the police the first day. Luckily, I guess, I was out of town.

When I talked to the bank about it, here's basically what they had to say:
If we file a complaint with them stating that the charges were not made by us (wife and I) and that they were made without our permission, they basically take over from there. They would handle filing the charges with the police and that they (the bank) would press charges to the fullest extent regardless of who it was. Once it's in their hands, it's out of ours.

We're going to the bank tomorrow to get a list of all of the charges and to see if we can get pictures from the ATM before we file against the charges.

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#17

10-19-2007 04:10 AM by allan5oh

Best of luck. I hope it works out.

Does she have any priors?

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#18

10-19-2007 04:37 AM by trux

Sorry, Changed my mind.

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#19

10-19-2007 04:52 AM by trux

Malaki, sorry, I put a lot of time into that post and I didn't see your post till I was done.

Good luck, I know this isn't an easy decision for either you or your wife. The only thing you can really do is make sure you're both on the same page before you make the move.

Anyway, good luck to you, and especially, good luck to the daughter. In my experience, she's going to need a healthy dose of it.

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#20

10-19-2007 08:19 AM by wepwawet

Any bank worth its salt will allow you to see the photos knowing the problom at hand. If all else fails talk to a manager.

I wish you luck, I have a lil part of me that hopes when you see the pics your like WTF who is that.

Plz do let us know if you find out it wasnt she.

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