New and upset
 

Hey my husband is on this site and he told me about this forum so I thought I would check it out you can see his posts "Iron_Weasel"

He is starting training in a couple of wks with a company that does all 48 states and canada. I am really happy for him about his job....yet at the same time I haven't been apart from him over night in our whole 3 yr marriage. We also have a 5 & 3 yr old and the 3 yr old is very attached to his daddy.


My hubby is always worried about "US" when he leaves I haven't cheated andhe has never cheated but yet we are both worried about the other cheating on the other. How can I ease his mind about me not leaving him no matter what? And how did some of you ladies handle the first goodbye? Cause I am already crying, depressed, and upset about it. I know this isn't forever.

Thank you.

Re: New and upset
 

I am still very new at this also, on our second goodbye so to speak ( the first for school, this for orientation and training). You sound very much like us except kid's ages and how long you've been married! We had only been apart once in 8 years of marriage before this, and that was for 4 days (hardly touches 3-5 weeks).
I found at least for me, that the day before he left was the worst. Once he was actually gone (bus for us) we all cried and talked for several hours, but then life just seems to take over, and you move on. As far as the actual goodbye, do your best to stay cheerful and enjoy every minute you still have with him. Easier said then done I understand.
I have a 3 yr old boy who is also very much a Daddy's boy. He has actually done remarkable well so far. I've taken over several things that Daddy used to do with him all the time (wrestling, reading, etc) and do my best to spend more time will all my children while he is gone (7,3, and 1). Best thing I have found so far, is forums like this, where others truly understand, and to stay busy.
It will take some adjusting to having "seperate lives", I know we are just starting to figure that part of it out. There's just no way you can cover all day's events in 30 minutes of talking to each other once a day. Use a notepad or other place to write down things that happen during your day that you want to tell him, and be sure to include some of the "routine" Homey kindof things, as that is what he will be missing.
I know some of the more seasoned wives have some better ideas for the long haul of it, just wanted to let you know you're not alone, and share what I've discovered thus far. Sorry if I ended up rambling!

Re: New and upset
 

You are actually saying this when he's a Active and Registered member on Here?

Re: New and upset
 

Yes and? He's the one who told me to register on this site for this part of the forum.[/b]

Why is his username such a secret? It better not be Pumpkinspice or I20 :roll: :lol: :lol: Also, what company is he training with? Some of us on here can give you some input on his company and tell you realistic hoemtime(s).

Its cute you both worry about each other, it shows you care. From a young bachelor, I'll give you some advice- Theres not gobs of slutty women out here on the road. With the majority of us "maximizing our logs" :wink: day in and day out, there really is no time for that. Girls don't hang out at truckstops, recievers docks, and weigh stations ( places he will be 98% of the time) :wink: I run hhg, and stay in motels a lot and deal with the general public more than most drivers on here, and I've yet to get any "action" beyond a hug while on the road :wink:

Stay in ouch- call a couple times a day (vice versa). Take advantage of email, and camera phones are the latest way for us to keep in touch. of course, when $$ permits, a cheap laptop will also bridge the distance between home and your trucker.

Your kids will get used to it. My Dad used to stay out 2-3 months at a time when i was younger. This is a very big change for your nuclear family, but it could be a lot worse!

I have a laptop that I will be letting him take with him. He doesn't know if he wants to take it cause he's scared of it getting stolen.

He'll be training with CFI

I keep mine in a breifcase and carry it in with me to Flying J. I wouldn't worry about it getting stolen unless he has a bad habit of leaving it on the dash while having unlucked doors AND being away from the truck :)

I keep mine out of sight if someone were to peep in my windows at a truckstop, but the same goes for my personal vehicle in a parking lot :wink:

good luck
 

good luck

My Man has just graduated from school and started working for CFI. He loves it - but i hate it! He was gone for 9 weeks which was school, orientation and 7500 miles with his trainer. I am having a lot of trouble with him being gone so long. But now he will be gong 3 to 4 weeks at a time. We don't have the Jealously thing going on so much we trust each other thoroughly - what is hard for us is the loneliness and separation.

Re: no laptop until he gets his own truck
 

Why :?: :?: :?:

re
 

welcome to trucking :)

"don't let him take the laptop until he finishes training and gets his own truck! the trainer may get upset that he has a laptop!"


Why? I don't remember "drill sargeant" next to their title....lol :lol: :lol:

Well he actually left last night around 10pm he'll be gone for3 wks with 3 days off then back for another 3 wks. It was really hard for our kids to understand why daddy wasn't there.

Well I don't know if this would work with the kids but it really did help my wife & I. She would slip a cheap greeting card or two in my map case or in my bag even in my cooler sometimes with a picture. I would leave one usually under her pillow and hide a few others around the house. I would also mail postcards & letters. It worked for us , maybe your kids will look forward to a letter from dad instead of just missing him. HOPE IT WORKS OUT FOR YOU AND YES IT WILL GET BETTER :)

That is a really good idea! I'm going to suggest that to him the next time he calls.

me and my wife were the same. We had to sorta get used to the lifestyle. In the begining of our marrage I would have never started trucking. As a mater of fact she mentioned it in the begining and I said no. After 8 years of marrage and the bottom falling out from my other job I decidded to give it a try. It was realy rocky in the beginning. And when I didn't make it home for our aniversery she got realy upset. Just remember, there is no garuntee on hometime in this industry and unless you drive close to home, no specific date usualy. I've lucked out once and a while. Just keep in contact as much as you can. I'm not one that beleaves in talking on the phone while driving but I have a hands free just so I can call speradicaly throughout the day and remind her that I'm thinking of her. Might not be as fesable in training but try and keep communications open. That has been the key for us.

Well now were havingto deal with our frist christmas alone his company gave them a load yesterday(sat) from gary indiana to LA and they want it there monday. It's really a job for a team not solo drivers but his company doesn't seem to get that.

I talked to my mother about this since my father was a truck driver for almost 30 years and she said that the most important thing is to have trust, she said that if she sat at home and worried all the time it would have made her sick, she kept busy with us kids and around the house, this was back in the days before cell phones and laptops, so she had to make due with weekly phone calls from dad from a pay phone,

it is very hard on a young family, but she always stayed strong for us kids, we never ever saw her crying, my dad was often gone weeks at a time, and sometimes dad would have to be away on a certain holiday so we would celebrate on a different day when he got back,

as far as your kids they will get used to him being gone, we never thought anything about our dad being gone, we just knew that dad was a trucker and that was his job

I don't know whether your husbands company allows passengers, but if it does after he is done training, why not go with him one time, it may ease your fears, and may help you to understand his job, and being in contact with him on the phone or laptop a couple of times a day may ease his fears about you

I wish I could go on the truck with him even for a lil bit but I can't cause we have 2 small children at home and no one to really watch them. We both knew he would be gone for a couple wks at a time its just getting used to it. Now what is really pissing me off is his company told him he would be home sometime during christmas day...true things come up. they didn't say he would be home all day but at least a couple of hrs again we were fine with that. Now he's not even going to be anywhere close. And they gave him and his trainer an impossible run even seasoned team drivers have told him it would be really hard for them to make it on time.

I took mine with my trainer, and it worked out well, he had one too and we played games online against one another. It depends on the trainer, but to say dont do it to everyone is kinda harsh. If your trainer doesnt like it, who says you have to pull it out? But if hes cool with it (most are) then you have it there.

Why would a trainer care? As long your not playing with the computer while driving who cares?

Re: New and upset
 

Hi there my husband is almost done with his 6 weeks training, he has gotten to come home a few times...I will be going with him once he is done as we have a grown 20 year old daughter (so we are in that time in our life where we don't have little ones) & are in a bind money wise. I think he has 9 or 10 more days training...then test out.
But when he first left we both cried ALOT...but its gotten easier & he is almost done, it got easier everytime he left....could I do this having my husband gone all the time, I don't think so....I actually like my space & we have never been apart but now I can do things on my time, I still would not be able to do it if he was gone all the time.

What I wanted to tell you is with some men even my husband after all these years still thinks I will cheat or leave him while he is training why he feels like this I don't know, I have never given him a reason to think I would act like that...I think some men are just that way no matter what.

Is your husband planning on getting some experience & then find something local that way he will be home at night or during the day....that is our plan to do this for a couple of years & then buy our second house & he will drive for some of the good local companies that want 2+ years before they will hire him. Just wondering because he could get something local if you keep an eye out in the paper for him.

I hope my post is ok, im just sharing my experience & thinking that after a bit he could drive local & be home with you & the kids.

Tammy

I know what you're going through! We're new to this as well; mine just got out of 4 wks with a trainer, and is on his 2nd week solo. He's gone 1-2 wks at a time; hometime this weekend was unexpected, and only a little over 24 hours. All our kids are 14yo and up.

I like the suggestion given about leaving little notes, cards, etc. I do the same thing! Tuck a few into socks, pockets, etc. I often add some home-baked stuff when he's not looking ~ just for a sweet suprise when he's gone. Sometimes I'll tuck a 'nightie' between his pillows, or pack it in with his clothes, put a little touch of my perfume on it. :wink:

I know it's hard when he comes home and all he wants to do is shower and sleep ~ I used to work on an ambulance, so I know a little of long hours in a rig/behind the wheel, but I doubt it's really comparable! Still, it's hard when he's been gone so long and nothing gets done when he's home, and he's gone again before I blink. After nearly 2 mos I'm sort of getting into a 'routine' and used to it, if you can call it that .. the days just seem to go by, and stuff gets done .. mostly!! :D I found a good Christian truck wives' support online, and found two ladies in my local area to chat with almost daily. It helps just to do my fussing to them instead of my hubby when he comes home! That definitely doesn't work!

Mostly, I just keep breathing and praying! The days keep passing! He's happier than I've seen him in a long while, and the backlog of bills will start to go down now! Yay!

Hang in there! God will get ya through!