hobo, when you go to her page on the right side top of "fb" but not the window if she accepted it, it would say friends witha check next to it. also when you get approved should send you a notification.

really.

4 pages over the span of almost a year and no resolution? dammit man...... i am disappointed. i figured at least there would be some twists and turns, maybe a gay brother in law, an unknown to you twin lost daughter.....something.

why don't you spend a dollar, use usa people search, and call her? even only to put us out of your misery.

Give him a brake, he's still writing a hello letter

i suppose i should freebird it's just that i invested so much in this little drama. at the end of page 4 i put him on pause and got snacks. now i'm out of popcorn.

how about this hobo, you can cut and paste.

dear daughter,

i'm sorry. call me. 555-555-5555.

golfhobo.

Sorry for disappointing you, V. I guess I never thought of that when I started this thread.

I DID do a paid search (don't recall the service at the moment) ... and got TWO phone numbers and TWO different addresses. You'd think they could tell me which was the most RECENT, eh? So... I fear that ONE of them might be from a time she was living with her parents, and I don't want my ex-wife being the one who answers that first call. Simple as that for now.

I think freebird knows better. He knows I already SENT her the "hello" letter via Facebook. So far... I cannot tell if she got it, or could open it, or is just ignoring it.

As for your "cut and paste," I included that info, and address, and email addy's in the letter I sent her which.... see above.

And going back one more post.... when I open her page, it says, "Friend request sent." So... no need to send another, she just has not accepted nor refused it. IF she ever saw it!

I am going to redo the "search" I did on her and see if I get any better info. If not... I am trying to decide whether to take a chance and call both numbers, or just do what I should have done years ago (but will be easier/cheaper now that I know what city she is in)... which is to hire a P.I. to find her and ask her point blank whether or not she wants contact.

Yes... I know it has been almost a year. Sorry again if I've wasted anyone's time. For me? It is just a drop in the bucket of 28 years of hoping, searching and wondering. This is probably the most important thing in my life... and I need to get it right.

I saw a picture of what I "believe" might be her ex-husband, and he does look a little gay (in a big, biker kind of way.) Does that help?

don't be sorry, i'll live, just not as vicarously.

when you redo your search, do one on the ex wife, that'll tell you where she lives vs the daughter. yes, i know that will cost you another dollar, but hey! you're a big time truck driver, you can afford it.

this will be my last rag on you sweetie, because i know in your own way you have moved along in the continumn.

why oh why did you invest so much into facebook? yes, you do hear stories in the news of people being reunited that way but what are the chances? with their privacy settings and not knowing if she even uses it the uncertainty factor just fuels your anxiety, and my pissiness that you are still pinning your dream on it.

you haven't wasted anyone's time but your own. this exercise has given me another glimpse into the persona that is golfhobo is all.

you're not guaranteed another drop in the bucket hobo. i just worry that this won't get done before your bucket is filled.

when we do the movie version, have george clooney play the gay ex husband

vavega said:

Lol! I know CAD has been slow lately, but... I hope you aren't counting on us for excitement.

D'oh! Why didn't I think of that? Years ago, I was doing "white pages" searches ON the mother... while Denise was still a child. Once I found her... as an adult.... I focused on HER "info." Never thought of eliminating the mother's address or phone number. THANKS! [And yea... money is no object.]

Not by much, I'm afraid. Anyway... No offense taken by your ragging. I hope you stay tuned. I've always enjoyed your posts.

After 28 years of failed attempts (I know I could have hired the P.I. sooner. That's on ME,) I was shocked at how easy it was to find her... and actually SEE what she looks like... on facebook. I've only "invested" so much this way because it SEEMED like the easiest route. Her privacy settings don't seem to be keeping me from seeing her weekly (if not more often) updates, and obviously... she is USING it. I just don't understand why (or if) she is not seeing my "advances" or just ignoring them. I'm not exactly "pinning my dream" on it. I'm just still a bit mesmerized at being able to SEE her many photo updates, and hearing about what she's up to. IF this isn't going to work, I WILL move forward with other efforts. But... this would have been the easiest and most personal way I knew.

Not sure if that is good or bad, but... to some extent... I started this thread so that "some" would see that I am human after all. I know how I come off in the political debates. I know how I come off in the "regulations" debates. I even know how I come off in the "new drivers" forums. But, that is all just "messageboard" stuff. I have always said that I consider CAD as my family. This was just one of the FEW times I have ever reached out to ANY part of my family for help and advice. And I have NOT been disappointed. [I DO... however... feel extremely naked!]

Then no one but me will have suffered, and my suffering will be over. Remember my intitial question? With SO much time passed... what SHOULD I do? Should I upset HER "bucket?" Or consider my own filled with just the fact that I can SEE her (and follow her) on Facebook?

Gee... I was kinda hoping Clooney would play ME! (is he gay?) He is WAY too old to play my daughter's ex-husband! I can't think of a big star to play HIM.... but, he's kind of a "Larry the cable guy" looking dude... but a little younger and more intelligent looking. He's a stocky guy with a hint of Biker in him. But, he seems sensitive and likeable. He had to have SOMETHING going for him to have won my daughter's heart!

If you... or anyone... would like to see what my daughter looks like, or peruse her photos to find a picture of Jay (her children's father) or even to see what, I guess, are my grandchildren.... here is the link to her facebook page:

http://www.facebook.com/bellezaherrera

not so much for excitement, more for a way to extend my study of people and their motivations for what they do. i would have answered you sooner but you got bumped by an evening of tv by myself with a dvr full of shahs of sunset, downton abbey, ax men, and duck dynesty. in other words you didn't stand a chance. who's feeling naked now?
we will let the facebook discussion go, i am NOT a fan and i hope you see that while it served it's purpose if you stay with it all you will do is stall. i believe that the more you surreptitiously use it the less the chance that you will actually make a move in the real world. it's emotionally safe, it satisfies your curiousity but it's all about you and not a real relationship.

oh how i am calling bull**** on this one. BS, kaka, however you want to put it. you are not the only one who will have suffered! you have to know that she has suffered too. to what degree we won't know until you **** or get off the pot but she has suffered. if only not to have her daddy, her real daddy in her life. tip her bucket, then let her decide if she wants to right it. that's her life decision not yours.

you have a daughter, son in law, and possibly grandchildren. and you don't think they're worthy of you?

vavega said:

Nice to know I came in second to an evening of T.V. pablum.

Well... I'm no fan of facebook. I understand your philosophical assessment, and agree completely. It is/was just a means to an end.

No, I don't really know that. Children are "resilient," remember? It's a fact that parents grieve more over the loss of a child than children do over the loss of a parent. The fact that she grew UP with two parents, and an extended family that loved her, had children of her own, maybe even a marriage.... all of that is more than "I" was able to do after I lost her. Yeah, she might have a moment between hugs from her kids to wonder about me, but... that is nothing compared to what I have gone thru.

I understand this. But, I haven't seen evidence of it. I used to watch Oprah and Maury. I know that it happens. I just don't believe it happened in THIS case.

I am TRYING. I used to think it was MY decision, but I've changed my mind. I still don't LIKE the idea of tipping her bucket, but... I've come to the conclusion that it is part of "MY bucketlist."

I never said that. I'm pretty sure I said the exact OPPOSITE.

What.... did you skip a few pages?

I KNOW what you are trying to say, and I appreciate it.

I hope to have an update real soon. Hope it doesn't conflict with your T.V. schedule.

I will be anxiously awaiting your update post.