...came back positive. We will not be hiring you."

"What? No way! How can that be?!?"

"Well sir, the container you just handed me isn't the one I just gave you to pee in."

Or

"Well, sir, the temperature of your sample is 78 degrees...that's room temperature. Takes a while for a corpse to hit room temperature."

Or

"Well, sir, temperature of your sample is 125 degrees. Either you're dead or your hand warmer is malfunctioning."

Or one of my personal favorites.

"Well sir, unless you can prove that you are a canine, we'll have to assume you were tampering with your test."

True stories. Sometimes I just have to shake my head.

:shock: Canine? Yer kidding...Right??? :nervous: :?

No, I'm not kidding. My question is...how the hell did he collect it? :shock: :shock:

I forgot the one where we had a lady that had a baggie of bleach taped to her chest.

"No I don't! Prove it!"

"Well, your shirt is bleaching out and I'll bet the bleach burns between your boobs isn't feeling too good."

Well, you take the (edited), and you (edited) it up the (edited)(edited), and when the (edited) starts (edited), you (edited) into (edited)(edited)(edited). Be careful not to (edited), because (edited) will (edited) your (edited).

I'll try...................

Well, you take the (bucket), and you (hold) it up the (dog's)(belly), and when the (dog) starts (peeing), you (pee) into (the)(bucket)(too). Be careful not to (sneeze), because (sneezing) will (ruin) your (aim).

"Well sir, unless you can prove that you are a canine, we'll have to assume you were tampering with your test."

ahem...um...


...and I suppose you have a problem with Neanderthal pee as well. :evil:

HEY!>?

or the male driver that didnt get hired and was told by the personel dept that they have good news and bad news,

"your test came back clean,,,,, and your pregnant!!!!

You'll have to explain this one to me. I have heard of it before, but have no idea just what bleach does to a UA....

I specialized in electrical, not chemistry, so I know what electrodes would do to it.