Truckers wife and not happy
 

My husband has been a truck driver since March and he's been with this job in tracy ca for 3 months. We live in patterson and he just drives back and forth to LA. But he hardly gets to come home and he does anything and everything for his shady lying boss. The kids and I get to go with him but it's boring and very hard with a 2 and 3 yr old. Anyways him and his friend have been talking about lot lizards and texting each other the signals for a lot lizard. And a few weeks ago he send a text to his friend that he will be at castaic and if his friend can look for her. I asked him what the ****? Who is her? He said it was a joke between him and his friend because they claim the never saw a lot lizard and he's telling his friend to look for her!!!! I didn't see his friend reply back like it was a joke. I know he's been stuck a few times at castaic and I've just learned that there is a country girl saloon right by the truck stop. So is he lying about the text msg? He also is very mean when he comes home on the weekends and sleeps. And then leaves and only wants sex!! No converstaion no let's go out.. Nada. What's going on?


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I have not seen any lot lizards in some time. You said that you and your children go with him and then that he comes home and only wants to sleep. So, do you and the children go with your husband or stay home? From your post it sounds like you and your husband need to sit down and have some serious discussions. Most drivers don't mess around with lot lizards. It is not worth the health risk, not to mention the damage to a marriage. If necessary, you may want to talk with your minister or a marriage counselor.

Yes we go with him to spend time with him. It's hard with 2 toddlers that want to play and run and jump. But yes we go to be with him. It's cool once in a while but then he wants us to go all the time


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Yes we ride with him as much as I can stand. It's hard with toddlers but I do try just so I can be with him. But I also need his attention when he is home. Cuddle, movie, take a walk, talk about something other then fuel and another trucker friend... I need me time... When it doesn't happen I get bitchy and start nagging and he just leaves. No communication. My marriage is on the rocks. I'm tired of talking to people who don't understand that it is hard and lonely.


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I'm a local trucker and I had something going on but it was the reverse, my banker wife was up to no good. It may be nothing at all.......

It could be he is simply tired from running hard all week? I can be tired and have a very short fuse after a rough or long week. If he is sleeping, check his phone if he's a deep sleeper and see what is up yourself. Take your phone, on silent mode, and take pics of anything incriminating.

Perhaps it is time for a new tactic. When he first gets home maybe you could try listening to his week and how things have gone for him. If he is tired, then give him time to take a nap and get a little rest. Drivers deal with a lot on the road. It can help to let off some steam. Allowing him to unwind first might make him more receptive to your needs. Once he unwinds a little he will probably be more receptive. Maybe you could arrange a nice candle lit dinner or some time by yourselves away from the children. When you have a loved one who is on the road and away from the family for extended periods of time you need to do more planning for the two of you. Even taking a walk can help. Walking will get you away from the noise and distractions of the kids and everything that has gone on in the week. My wife and I have been married for more than 34 years and dated 4 years prior to that. I was traveling when we met and I still travel, but to a lesser degree today. Taking small children on the road is very stressful. I am surprised that his company allows small children in the truck. Most won't allow them to go along until they are older.

When I started traveling we had to use pay phones to check in at home, write letters or post cards. Calling home was expensive so calls were rare. Staying in touch today is much easier. You can skype, call or text and stay in touch with one another. It is easier to take a photo of something the children did and share that event immediately with your loved ones. Try to be positive and share positive things that happen. He doesn't need to know all the bad or troublesome things that happen. Women who are married to truckers or anyone who travels away from home for extended times must be strong and independent. That may not be natural for you, but you are the one running things at home. Being apart can be difficult for some couples. It can bring others closer. Communication is critical. But, don't unload on him when he first comes in the door. He does need time to relax and unwind a bit.

Well thank you for your advice and he is lazy don't like to walk or take the kids to the park he sleeps all day and doesn't bother waking up at all to ask how the **** am I doing. He called this evening and called me a bunch I names and asked for a divorce. Wish granted.


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I tell him positive stuff about the babies and our accomplishments. And he isn't interested in me or what the hell I do at home. He's all about trucks and his friends. I feel like he is distracted and he found someone. The way he spoke to me tonight was no way for a man to talk to his wife mother to his kids no way at all. I'm sad and feel like ****ing him and his truck up. Because he ain't going to talk to me like that and get away with it. No no no


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It is never good to call one another names. Those things can't be taken back. I hope you can get things worked out.

I'm just going to give him his space and start by not being so dependent on him. It's time I start doing me. I will just leave him be. I don't have time for a divorce right now. I need to work on myself. Stop being his doormat at his beckon call. Forget that I'm a grown beautiful woman. I don't need or deserve this.


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OK.....that got real ugly real fast........please don't do the truck any harm though. Not the trucks fault in this. Might want to breathe, I understand your p!ssed but is it worth potentially going to jail over? Remember, kids are involved here. I was hot with my wife, had her stuff packed up when she got home. I wanted to deck her over all the lying she had done to me and was continuing to do. I digressed and instead just told her what I knew and went bone chilling cold on her for a few weeks. It wasn't worth going to jail over with our 1 year old here.

Your absolutely right.. I've come too far to backslide . I've dot the drug scene the jail scene and the prison scene. It is what it is. I'm letting go of what I saw in his phone I'm letting go of the hurtful words he said to me yesterday. Today is a new day and I'm okay. I have 2 kids and I have me. Time for me to do me. I can do this. No more fighting and bickering.. It is what it is. If he isn't cheating then that's good if he is then it is what it it. I'm home with my kids all day no car no money I live in patterson ca ****ing boring ass cow town. No friends no family nobody. I haven't been a angel I've made mistakes in the past but I work on it and work on me everyday. I just need some help.


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Coming from a Female Ex-Trucker, life on the road is very hard and extremely boring if your driving the same area all the time. From the sound of what your saying ~ he isn't getting to see different parts of the lower 48's, and so he is home more often to be with his family. So joking with his friend about lot lizards is just that ~ joking ~ if you could of ever seen the lizards I've seen over the years you would Know there is 'nothing' to be concerned about. As long as your desireable when he comes home. I drove cross country and sometimes not be home for 6 weeks at a time, so you can be certain one of the first things I wanted to do was take a shower in my own Clean restroom, then go to bed and sleep in My bed till I was rested up. The road can and will play games with your mind, spirit, energy and reality.... The best thing you can do treat him like the king he is, for putting his Life in danger each and every day to provide an income for his wife and children.... I understand your lonely since you say you live in a small town and no family around .... so find something of interest, a hobby, do something of interest that you can tell him about or share with him ... Or just remind Him each time You speak to him out much you love him and appreciate the long hours he works to take care of his family.... As the spouse at home, he doesn't want to hear about how lonely you are all the time and bored you may be while he's gone, or you have no family around to spend time with..... He needs to Know that there is a Purpose for him to seriously put his life on the line each day for someone that adores him. ... I personally know how 'fast' a trucker can lose his life, I've seen it personally, I watched drivers drive off the hwy because their half asleep, because they must make their drop off or pick up time each day .... He can't control the traffic jams, or the stupid 4 wheeler's that try to force him to move over to let them in ... there's so many reasons why he wants to sleep in a Safe place when he gets home. The adjustment period is only going to be as long as both of you make it..... I agree with GMAN ... find a pastor or qualified person the two of you can speak with on strengthing your marriage .... This Life style Isn't for everyone, but it can make a darn good income for a family, as long as Both of the partners are striving to stay positive.... Strive to be the Positive Wife for the Man who is making the living for you and your children.... Make his favorite meal when he comes home ~ bake a couple batches of cookies 'just for him to take on the truck' ... when your packing his bag with fresh clothes to go back on the road put a pair of your sexy undies in his bag. Put a note in his bag tell him how much you love and adore him ... something he can hold that you did just for him. When he's tired he'll know your thinking of him. Be the wife that supports her husband, and in turn you will be blessed with a husband that Will want to come home to you. Give him a reason to remember why it was the two of you feel in love and keep that memory going..... Again this Life as a Trucker and Spouse isn't for everyone, but by golly girl you give it your Best shot... ;)

Damn 4roses I lay here in bed with my kids and I'm thinking of all the bitching and hired I gave to this man for joking around with his friend. Instead of letting go of something so small I just kept on hassling him. For the past few weeks I have given this man grief and he's apologized and tried so hard for me to forgive his mistake and I still didn't let go. Well he finally had it and put me in my place. And then called me back and apologized Saying he was angry and said that stuff out of anger. So I just stopped all communication. I need to give him his space and find myself.


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I spoke to my church family and I need to be more independent and stop being so damn needy for everything . I need to do me. And since him and I are not speaking is a perfect time for me to gather my negativity and throw it away.


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If you are involved in a church, many of them have small Bible study groups that meet weekly. Some have programs for families to get more involved. Some of the groups are designed so you can get to know others in your church family. It might help you to see if there are other spouses of truckers in your area to share your feelings. There might even be some of them in your church.

So this morning this truckers wife woke up got myself and my kids ready looking real pretty and **** and were going to go for a walk but my husband was home and he insisted we use his car he was being nice this morning and he asked if we would like to go to the pumpkin patch this evening.


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That is a good sign, Crystal. Being married takes a lot of effort on both sides. It sounds like he is trying to make an effort.

But hold on gman. On Monday he told me how much of a piece of **** I was and called me a bunch of names and asked for a divorce. How can I in 2 days just let that **** go because he let me use his car for 10 minutes before calling me and asking for it back. Because he took me and the kids to the pumpkin patch the only reason he needed me is because he needed help with the kids. Those were his words. So I'm still not over the hurt and ugly words from Monday. He gets paid weekly and leaves me no money or car.

I think it may be time to sit down with an uninterested third party, such as your pastor or marriage counselor. Name calling should never be done, especially in a marriage. There should be ground rules for disagreeing. He may just need some space. There are a lot of stresses in this industry. Some people have a difficult time dealing with the alone time on the road and being away from home. Your husband or you could be the type who find it difficult to be alone. It is important for the two of you to be able to sit down and calmly discuss what is going on in your relationship.

I wish me and this man could sit down and talk but he's the type of man that thinks he's right and when he's done he's done. He came home tonight and had this ugly look on his face as soon as he looked at me.

Crystal I sent you a Private message. Please check your folder.

I don't know where to find your private msg 4 roses

Go to the top of this page and click on "notifications." You should see a drop down box. Look for "inbox." Click on it and that should take you to your messages.

I just tuned in on this and noticed a couple things right off.
#1 "Hubby's lazy and just wants to sleep", Gman addressed this and I concur. It's tough on the stay home parent, after all she's been stuck in that house with TWO toddlers for a week she needs a break from them just like he needs a break from the road.
#2 Trust- In other words wife doubts hubby's faithfulness. Is it possible that he may feel the same way? Try getting some cheap dollar store greeting cards like I love you, Missing you and wish you were here ect. And make a little note on each and pack them in his gear. Put one here or there so he finds them one at a time. he could do the same for you. And the lot lizards? I really wouldn't worry to much about them. Most of the one's I've seen don't look to bad in a dark parking lot 20 feet away but any closer NO WAY!!! I've talked to a few over the years and feel sorry for most, just trying to survive a rough life and then get treated worse and catch STD's.
#3 "His car" That right there speaks volumes! Why is it his car? Why not our car? You shouldn't be stuck in a house for a week at a time with 2 kids without transportation. Explain that to him and mention that if you have the car YOU can take care of things like grocery shopping during the week and that less he has to do on his home time.
#4 No friends & family. If family is out of town then not much you can do, but friends? Take your kids to a local park and strike up a conversation with another mother(avoid male friends see #2), look around to see if there's a young mothers group around, make a friend at your church just remember friendship is a two way street and both friends need to get something out of it, otherwise it's using.

I don't know how long you've been married but marriage can be a rough road with lots of twists turns and potholes and it takes both of you to make it work. You can't do it yourself, you need to get him onboard if not (I really hate to say this) then you may have to cut him loose.

BTW I do know a little bit about marriage, after 37 years to the same woman I've almost got her figured out!
Actually we had some very rough years early on, two kids before I was 19 and she 18 and 1400 miles away from our families, but that made us depend on each other instead of running home with our problems.

Wow its really sad to read all of this, hoping you get it all worked out one way or another,especially for the kids. Trucking is incredibly hard on a marriage, don't I know it, especially in the first few years- many adjustments to make. Not going to tell you what you should or shouldn't do, but focusing on the kids and getting involved with your church is a great idea. Good luck to you ;)

Its a hard life to live on the road cut from family and the people you have to talk to are scum not all but that being said i can say maybe he is messing with a lot lizard
the attitude he gives you is probably regret and shame it sucks but go and get checked out them girls are STD Positive