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bigred
Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 21
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| Posted: Fri Jun 15, 2007 10:21 pm Post subject: Hubby starting to 2nd guess me going |
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Why is there a double standard when it comes to women with families going otr compared to men doing it?I love my husband but I think sometimes he's "mentally challenged" He told me this evening that I should just get another job here and forget about "this fantasy"as he calls it of mine.NOw keep in mind all his dreams and fantasies for the last 14 years,i've supported.Even if it meant us sleeping in cars or living in a hotel room.We've moved more times than not while he's pursued his ideal career.And everytime it's time for me to do my thing he finds a way to make sure I don't go all the way.I've been in school in a community college for going on 4 years.And everytime I had to quit it was because he needed me for this or that.While I love my family with all my heart,I really feel the need to do something for me.I truly feel like while this isn't a $100,000 a year job,it does offer stability,benefits,and opportunity to grow.I feel a lot more comfortable getting paid 30 a year than 15 or 20 and have 4 kids waiting on shoes and underwear twice a year.See I know it is long and hard for someone with a family but I also know that it is even harder crying at nite because you work and never have enough.So I am willing to sacrifice a year or so otr for a job that will help my family.
I am sooooo tired of people from my family and his telling me that I can't do this.I have kids and a husband.I should settle for a nice manufacturing job.At least i'll have 401k and life ins.They all act as if truck driving is for a single person that has no responsibilities.Why is it so hard for them to understand I need to be happy and this will do it.I relly don't understand how my hubby can say he will be there for me one minute and just 360 the next.He knows how bad I need to do this.Now he's telling my family
i'm crazy and I should grow up.How ironic.I'm trying to add steady income to our near zero checking account that he keeps taking from to go into a new business every other month,but to him i'm immature.If I wan't saved i'd show him what "crazy" is !!!!
Thanks for allowing me to vent to you all.I really have no other support right now other than my bible and God and am so thankful for this forum.It really is keeping me sane thru all of this.Talk to you all later |
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4roses
Joined: 28 Aug 2004
Posts: 2006
Location: BrokenArrow, Oklahoma
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| Posted: Fri Jun 15, 2007 11:02 pm Post subject: |
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bigred ... sounds like your between a rock and a hard spot. :? .... We have a couple of ladies here that drive for a living and their husband stays home with his job there, but these husbands are ok with it ...
Have you considered getting professional help for the two of you. You've stay with this person for 14yrs .. there must be something good about him :?: :roll: or is this an escape for you from 'him' ? .....And you said - - - 4 children :!: .... what ages :?: That does play a big part in you driving on the road or staying home. ........ Please don't take this the wrong way ... but if your children are still in school .... they need you More than You need to drive a truck. .... if it means your away from home for several weeks at a time. ............. Let me make a suggestion .... take time to contact the companys around where you live - - like rock haulers, dirt haulers and etc.... some times they will hire a person right out of school and you won't have to go on the road and still make good money.
Good luck which ever way you go. |
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wildkat
Joined: 19 Feb 2007
Posts: 511
Location: Somewhere on the Alaska Highway, Canada
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| Posted: Sat Jun 16, 2007 6:24 am Post subject: |
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| bigred..I am one of those ladies for4roses is talking about. My husband is the one who does not travel, it's me. BUT our children are grown. If your children are school age, PLEASE do your utmost to find a local job. Believe me, been there done that. I was a single parent most of the years my children were growing up, otr is a horrid life if you have young kids. BUT it sounds to me that your hubby is very unsure of himself & is taking his frustrations out on you in very subtle ways. I suggest you try to get some help if you feel your marraige is worth keeping, otherwise he will make every effort so continue to sabotage your carreer. Is also likely that he is jealous of your success & the male ego is a VERY fragile thing. He is also likely afraid that you will meet someone "better" & leave him. So what better way than to call you crazy, et. Realize, HE is the one who need to grow up...you already have...THAT is the problem. :lol: |
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bigred
Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 21
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| Posted: Sat Jun 16, 2007 11:54 am Post subject: |
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My plan is to find a local job or a dedicated route after 6-12 months or so.As far as finding anything elsse to do,i've done it all when it comes to it.Warehouse,manufacturing,janitorial,cooking,sales,receptionist,etc.But none of them paid above 20k a year.I am looking at what I like to do now.I have driven locally before with a few weekend runs to Florida and upstate.I loved it.I know it was in a delivery truck but non the less it was driving.I understand the sacrifice and have prayed on this for quite a while.I honestly just feel like i'm not going to make it if cleaning toilets is all i'm going to do.
As for counseling,we have been doing that for about 2 years now.But to me it is getting old.He only wants me to do things his way or not at all.The therapist says we don't have that big of a problem other than his trust in me.She said it stems from him seeing his parents cheat on each other when he was growing up.But i'm getting tired of having to prove myself as being faithful.
In some ways this is a scape-goat and in others it is me finally doing something for me.But most importantly,it's me taking care of my family,be it with or without him.
Besides,I hate the fact that women are considered bad mothers for leaving their children at home to drive trucks.I know in NC you will not make more than $3-400 a week if you only have a hs diploma.Is it better to sit and make that and be at or below poverty level or go out and pay your otr dues for a while then come back home and work locally with benefits and decent pay?Please do not misunderstand me or think i'm being disrespectful but,i've been and am in the 1st situation thru my whole marriage mostly and i'm tired of struggling to get by.I will miss my children and probally cry a lot for a while but those will not be tears of sadness alone.I will be overjoyed with knowing my children are eating a decent meal because we can buy them and not have to be ashamed of only used clothes and shoes when they start middle school.And lastly i'll be soooo glad to have a savings to begin our path towards owning a home again.You can't buy a house making 10-1100 bucks a month before taxes. No i'd rather at least try it.And if I don't make it it won't be because I never had the chance.
Well thanks for listening to me again.You know this is just as theraputic as the university doc we see.Maybe I should bring hubby on and you all counsel us! :D :D :D |
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4roses
Joined: 28 Aug 2004
Posts: 2006
Location: BrokenArrow, Oklahoma
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| Posted: Sat Jun 16, 2007 12:59 pm Post subject: |
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question .... do you trust your husband to be responsible with the money you may make on the road ? ... while your gone is he only going to tell the children that YOU left them because you'd rather be on the road instead of being with them ? which I'll bet money he'll do ! ... Will you be happy only seeing your children only 4 days out of the month ? .... Most companys only give you 1 day off for every week your out ... You will be so tired once you do get home that the 1st day your home all you'll want to do is sleep - 2nd day is to spend time with family and if you have a 3rd day .. you'll spend your time getting your clothes cleaned and ready to head back out on the road. ..............This is a time in your childrens lives that will affect them for now on ..... just as your husbands parents - mistakes - affect him now and your marriage. ... ..... My children are grown and I can see clearly now how 'what' I did and didn't do affects them now. There's not to many things I would change about my past but a few things I would of done different.
One more question and I'll shut up ...... If you go on the road and leave your babies behind ..... whats the chances your husband will divorce you and say you abandoned your children ... then you'll lose your parental right and you'll have to pay the child support to him ......... Children didn't ask to be born but once we accept the fact that we're about to bring a child/person into this world - - - it's Our responsiblie to raise them until their adults and be the 'best' example we can be so they will have a blue print of how their to live and act ?
I'm like you in some ways .... I've worked many of jobs just to make ends meet ... even went so far as to work 5 different places at one time just to pay my bills and buy food for my children. ... I got tired of it sure - but one thing for sure ... my children learned that it's not the amount of money we had that brought happiness to our lives it was the love we had for each other and the laughter in the home. .............. You never did say what the ages of your children ? |
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bigred
Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 21
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| Posted: Sat Jun 16, 2007 3:05 pm Post subject: |
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for4roses wrote: question .... do you trust your husband to be responsible with the money you may make on the road ? ... while your gone is he only going to tell the children that YOU left them because you'd rather be on the road instead of being with them ? which I'll bet money he'll do ! ... Will you be happy only seeing your children only 4 days out of the month ? .... Most companys only give you 1 day off for every week your out ... You will be so tired once you do get home that the 1st day your home all you'll want to do is sleep - 2nd day is to spend time with family and if you have a 3rd day .. you'll spend your time getting your clothes cleaned and ready to head back out on the road. ..............This is a time in your childrens lives that will affect them for now on ..... just as your husbands parents - mistakes - affect him now and your marriage. ... ..... My children are grown and I can see clearly now how 'what' I did and didn't do affects them now. There's not to many things I would change about my past but a few things I would of done different.
One more question and I'll shut up ...... If you go on the road and leave your babies behind ..... whats the chances your husband will divorce you and say you abandoned your children ... then you'll lose your parental right and you'll have to pay the child support to him ......... Children didn't ask to be born but once we accept the fact that we're about to bring a child/person into this world - - - it's Our responsiblie to raise them until their adults and be the 'best' example we can be so they will have a blue print of how their to live and act ?
I'm like you in some ways .... I've worked many of jobs just to make ends meet ... even went so far as to work 5 different places at one time just to pay my bills and buy food for my children. ... I got tired of it sure - but one thing for sure ... my children learned that it's not the amount of money we had that brought happiness to our lives it was the love we had for each other and the laughter in the home. .............. You never did say what the ages of your children ?
My boys are 11 and 14 and girls are 7 and 9.As far as him leaving our marriage is not to that point.Maybe I am painting the wrong picture.We have our problems but neither of us feel we want to divrce each other.We started going to therapy because we were lacking "intimacy".But when we looked nack to when we 1st met we never held hands or kissed in public.We both are quite private when it comes to that type of thing.We didn't feel our marriage was in trouble,we wanted to find out how to prevent that.And during that we found that we are opposites when it comes to personalities.I of course am a complex of a little of everything and he is a aggressive type.As for him divorcing me,he actually thinks i'll leave him and that's his biggest problem regarding me doing it.As I said,i've researched into the idea for about 4 months before even looking into schooling.I talked to some women and men drivers.Women have a lot more stories into why they did it than men gut they all agree you have to be cut right for this.That;s why it's such a high turnover rate.2 women told me 2 different stories about family life.1 similar to mine with 2 kids young when she started and a semi-supportive hubby.She actually owns her own truck now and is happy doing local dedicated stuff.The other was a single mom that had her mom watch her son while she went out and took him w/her in the summer.She said she hated making him go thru that and said she could have came off and worked as a dispatcher or local driver but had debt from divrce and her 2 year goal of coming off road turned into 9.Now her son is in college and she wishes she just would have claimed ch7 and took a local job to be at home more.
I am not saying I can't be one of those that will hate my choice because it can happen but,i'm always a person who plans out and prepares for it all.My husband sees and understands our plan but like you said is kinda unhappy with me leaving instead of him.He tried for it himself a couple years ago and failed the dot physical.Too many problems.So I think he is a bit envious of me doing it too.So,that's my main goal between now and next month.Getting him to see the real picture and not the one he has in his head. |
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4roses
Joined: 28 Aug 2004
Posts: 2006
Location: BrokenArrow, Oklahoma
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| Posted: Sat Jun 16, 2007 3:50 pm Post subject: |
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| bigred ... I hope it all works out for you ... truely I do. :wink: |
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bigred
Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 21
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| Posted: Sat Jun 16, 2007 4:00 pm Post subject: |
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Just thought i'd post my goals 4 u for4roses to skim over.Tell me what you think :)
1 Go to school 3-4 weeks
2 Train otr up to 3 weeks(i'm looking @ SNI for a job.They already pre-hired me)
3 Work OTR for 12-24 months to gain some experience and make some better pay than i'm use to.Save 5k towards a dp on a home.We have a builder that will build and owner finace for up to 5 years if need be.
4 Around the end of 2008 strt looking @ local or dedicated runs that will bring me home daily or at least 4-5 days.My recruiter said you can do thatwith at least 6 months experience.She said depending on circumstance,your miles can be set or vary and be any where from 2-2700 per week.
5 By 1st part of 2009 have a reg gig doing the above and at home with kids and still making more than minimum wage
6 After they grow up go back otr with hubby by my side like we talked about.Making money and seeing the country.
that's just a quick short picture.What do you think? |
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bigred
Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 21
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| Posted: Sat Jun 16, 2007 4:01 pm Post subject: |
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for4roses wrote: bigred ... I hope it all works out for you ... truely I do. :wink:
Thanks so much! I appreciate the advice :) |
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4roses
Joined: 28 Aug 2004
Posts: 2006
Location: BrokenArrow, Oklahoma
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| Posted: Sat Jun 16, 2007 8:37 pm Post subject: |
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| At least you have a plan on how and what you want to do. Go for it :!: ... it will be interesting to see it work out :wink: |
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kclarke
Joined: 04 Jun 2007
Posts: 6
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| Posted: Sun Jun 17, 2007 7:44 am Post subject: |
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At least you do have a plan...that is the first thing. But just advice from a truckers wife, take what the recruiters tell you with a grain of salt. My hubby has been driving for 20 years, and we have yet to run into one that tells the whole truth and nothing but....
I hope all this works out for you and please keep us posted as to how things are going. |
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