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missydney
Joined: 16 Jan 2007
Posts: 1
Location: wisconsin
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| Posted: Wed Jan 24, 2007 7:59 am Post subject: need some advice |
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my husband of 7 years, has never been a talker, but since he has been driving truck for almost 3 years i find i want him to talk with me more. i have discussed this with him serveral times and i always get the answer "i will try" needless to say it never happens.
now within the last month i find he has lied to me 2 times, small lies but lies never the less. i have asked him 2 times in 3 days (that he was home) to please call the insurance comp. and check about his truck insurance, he told me "he called and they would get back to him in a couple of days", well a couple of days wasn't soon enough for me so i called myself and eventually found out that he never did call, when i confronted him about it he said "he lied to get me off his back".....needless to say there were no words spoken for a few days.
now last night i noticed that our home felt kind of cool (we have an outdoor wood furnace) and i said something to him and he immediately got up and went out to check it. i went to the basement to turn on our back up LP furnace and noticed the pipes for the outdoor wood furnace were cold (they are suppose to be 160 degrees), he came in a few times for cardboard and newspaper and went back outside. when he finally came in and appeared he was finished after 1/2 hour i asked him if the furnace had went out as the pipes in the basement were cold? he said..."no it didn't and they aren't cold, it must be your imagination" i confronted him about why he felt so compelled to lie to me lately and if he was going to lie to me about all the little things what was going to happen when something big came up? he said nothing.....
i don't know what is going on here.....he doesn't talk to me about where he is driving with the semi unless i ask questions, he doesn't volunteer any information at all anymore. it seems like everything is such a secret, from where he is going to what needs to be fixed on the truck, to well it just seems like everything... i trust him and he trusts me i don't think he would ever mess around. but i am lost, hurt, and feel stupid for letting him do this. i just don't know what to do anymore or how to feel. i came from a 12 relationship where it was nothing but lies and i don't want to go threw that again. please help anyone. |
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shyykatt
Joined: 06 Aug 2006
Posts: 2081
Location: MN
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| Posted: Wed Jan 24, 2007 11:37 am Post subject: |
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| My hubby is not a big talker either but ya can't badger a man about stuff; you either trust him or you don't- if you do, then make sure that when you ask him something that your not 'complaining' or gettin' huffy/acting all 'suspicious'- just be sincere and more than likely he'll talk to you. Keep in mind he's workin' dang hard out there and is putting up w/a lot. |
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lnichols
Joined: 25 Jan 2007
Posts: 5
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| Posted: Thu Jan 25, 2007 11:24 am Post subject: |
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It's hard for us at home, but it's harder for the spouse on the road. We still have the same places to go, people to see, and all the comforts of home - He may just be stressing about being gone - try talking to him about familar things, friends, family and things you have in common at home, maybe it will ease him a little.
He has so much to take care of out on the road, the last thing he probably wanted to do was spend time talking to the insurance company -maybe try to take all the home issues yourself, and when he comes in let him relax and no have any worries.
Hope it works out for you. |
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mapleleaf_1
Joined: 13 Nov 2006
Posts: 379
Location: Wisconsin
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| Posted: Thu Jan 25, 2007 12:51 pm Post subject: |
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| I talk with my hubby every day at least once. I tell him where I'm heading to and what's going on. Gives him some peace of mind to know where I am and my schedule. He still worries about me being on the road, but it eases his mind somewhat. We usually chat on the phone after my day's done for an hour or so. If I've had a bad day I get to vent my frustrations to him. Drive safe everyone. :) |
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BanditsCousin
Joined: 05 Jun 2004
Posts: 3231
Location: Chicago, IL
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| Posted: Fri Feb 02, 2007 4:47 pm Post subject: |
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I had the same problem with my ex, and even my mom.
When I get home my mom wants to talk about this or that, and oftentimes I tell her flat out to leave me alone. Same thing with the gf. I don't know why, but I clam up and need a little "unwind time". After being out for weeks, the last thing I want is to be asked to do favors, chores, or ANYTHING when I walk in the door. When I come home, I'm not "home" until I wake up the next day in my bed.
For me, I'm still in "run mode" when I get home, and getting around to doing things I don't like to do (calling insurance companies) can be a hassle :)
So, my advice, is stay off his back for the first 2 hrs he gets home :) You're not doing anything wrong, you're just thinking about the same thing at different times :wink:
As far as the lies, don't be concerned about other women. Lot lizards are skanky, bar-flies are nasty, and I've yet to find a strip club where you can buy more than a lapdance while on the road :)
Hope this conveys a male point of view. |
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ssoutlaw
Joined: 06 Sep 2006
Posts: 793
Location: Indianapolis,In
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| Posted: Fri Feb 02, 2007 6:24 pm Post subject: |
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BanditsCousin wrote: I had the same problem with my ex, and even my mom.
When I get home my mom wants to talk about this or that, and oftentimes I tell her flat out to leave me alone. Same thing with the gf. I don't know why, but I clam up and need a little "unwind time". After being out for weeks, the last thing I want is to be asked to do favors, chores, or ANYTHING when I walk in the door. When I come home, I'm not "home" until I wake up the next day in my bed.
For me, I'm still in "run mode" when I get home, and getting around to doing things I don't like to do (calling insurance companies) can be a hassle :)
So, my advice, is stay off his back for the first 2 hrs he gets home :) You're not doing anything wrong, you're just thinking about the same thing at different times :wink:
As far as the lies, don't be concerned about other women. Lot lizards are skanky, bar-flies are nasty, and I've yet to find a strip club where you can buy more than a lapdance while on the road :)
Hope this conveys a male point of view.
My ex's brother ended up with a wife and 2 kids, from just a lap dance....lol No kidding |
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BanditsCousin
Joined: 05 Jun 2004
Posts: 3231
Location: Chicago, IL
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| Posted: Sat Feb 03, 2007 9:04 pm Post subject: |
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SSoutlaw, it all starts somewhere :)
You'd be surprised how many (happy) couples have told me "he/she was my one-night stand 20 years ago, and we've been happy ever since"
:lol: :lol: |
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ssoutlaw
Joined: 06 Sep 2006
Posts: 793
Location: Indianapolis,In
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| Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2007 12:38 am Post subject: |
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BanditsCousin wrote: SSoutlaw, it all starts somewhere :)
You'd be surprised how many (happy) couples have told me "he/she was my one-night stand 20 years ago, and we've been happy ever since"
:lol: :lol:
He wasn't really happy with her, but I think he loved her. He passed away very young, 37 and its been hard on his kids!
I hear what your saying though... |
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