Truck Driving Jobs

crankyazz · Posted: Wed Sep 13, 2006 10:27 pm Post subject: women this is for you.

Translation for Women

"I'M GOING FISHING"
Translated: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid and stand by the ocean with a stick in my hand while the fish swim by in complete safety."

"IT'S A GUY THING"
Translated: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you, as a woman, have no chance at all of making it logical".

"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Translated: "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY", OR "YES, DEAR"
Translated: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
Translated: "I have no idea how it works."

"I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND."
Translated: "I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra."

"TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD."
Translated: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
Translated: "Are you still talking?"

"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Translated: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the year/make and model of every vehicle I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

"I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES."
Translated: "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."

"OH, DON'T FUSS - IT'S JUST A CUT, IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
Translated: "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before admitting that it hurts or that I did it to myself."

"HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING."
Translated: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

"I CAN'T FIND IT."
Translated: "I looked in one likely spot and it didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless where it is. I need you to use your intra-uterine radar and find it for me."

"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
Translated: "What did you catch me at?"

"I HEARD YOU."
Translated: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 hours yelling at me."

"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE."
Translated: "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse." ...also... "But I could enjoy having sex with almost anyone between the ages of 18 and 50."

"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."
Translated: "Oh, Goodness, please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving and have to pee."

"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Translated: "It's possible that no one will ever see us alive again."

crankyazz · Posted: Wed Sep 13, 2006 10:28 pm Post subject: another one

Words Women Use

FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

FIVE MINUTES
If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

NOTHING
This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end in "Fine".

GO AHEAD
This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.

LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a nonverbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".

THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you're welcome.

crankyazz · Posted: Wed Sep 13, 2006 10:29 pm Post subject: last one

Marketing for Women

Many women don't understand Marketing. Perhaps the following analogies will help clear it up.

You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed."
That's Direct Marketing

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to him and, pointing at you says, "She's fantastic in bed."
That's Advertising

You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed."
That's Telemarketing

You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You get up and straighten your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say, "May I," and reach up to straighten his tie, brushing your breast lightly against his arm, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed."
That's Public Relations

You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed."
That's Brand Recognition

You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You talk him into going home with your friend.
That's a Sales Rep

Your friend can't satisfy him, so he calls you.
That's Tech Support

You're on your way to a party when you realize that there could be handsome men in all these houses you're passing. So you climb onto the roof of one situated toward the center and shout at the top of your lungs, "I'm fantastic in bed!"
That's Spam

hey by the way no disrespect meant... just thought I could make u guys laugh.

shyykatt · Joined: 06 Aug 2006 Posts: 2097 Location: MN

:lol: :lol: :lol:

rikki_359 · Joined: 28 Jan 2006 Posts: 134 Location: N of Ft Worth, TX

soooo, where's this handsome guy at????? huh huh huh?????

golfhobo · Posted: Sun Oct 01, 2006 8:27 pm Post subject:

rikki_359 wrote: soooo, where's this handsome guy at????? huh huh huh?????

That's called "market research." :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Hey Crankyazz! Could you telemarket Rikki and advertise my address so I can demonstrate to her that I'm Fantastic in Bed????

Oh yeah.... don't forget to mention that I'm having a "clearance sale!" :shock: :lol: :lol:

Hobo

Angel · Joined: 15 Oct 2005 Posts: 288 Location: Georgia

:lol: You just too funny is that a blue light special sign you holding ? :wink:

golfhobo · Posted: Thu Oct 26, 2006 1:06 pm Post subject:

Yeah! But it only lasts for about 5 more minutes! :oops:

Angel · Joined: 15 Oct 2005 Posts: 288 Location: Georgia

here have some energizer batteries :P

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