A Serious Question ( about men)

[dobry4u]

I don't think love and romance are the same. Romance to love is like lace to a teddy or frost to a mug.

[matcat]

I don't think love and romance are the same. Romance to love is like lace to a teddy or frost to a mug.

Romance is not love no. But romance is a tool for love. My personal definition of romance would be Actions that express your love for another.

Like a teddy with no lace or a mug without frost, love would be boring and stagnant without romance

[golfhobo]

One of the few and most romantic things a woman can do for her man is to show him that he is ALL she needs or wants.

When a more handsome or physically attractive man catches you at the "bar" and tries to put a move on you, have the sense to realize it (in the first place) and then politely but loudly enough for us to hear it, simply tell him you are flattered but that you are with US and that's exactly where you WANT to be. Then return to your seat across from us and give us a look that clearly shows that you MEAN THAT!

All a man really wants is to be reassured that the woman HE picked out to be his mate is convinced that NO OTHER man could take his place. Of course, if you really FEEL that way you will show us in numerous "simple" ways... and by your EVERY action, you will not be able to "help" the fact that you are romancing us.

And if you think about it.... that is pretty much the same as a woman's idea of romance.

But, don't TELL anyone that I said that.

On a side note... Reb: I think you are as capable of being romantic as any woman alive. When you meet the man that makes you "feel" as special as you are, or want to be, you will have no problem finding your "romantic bones."

I suspect that the men in your life just never made you feel that way.

[golfhobo]

And Bloo, no he isn't telling me I'm not romantic, he is actually trying to convince me that I am. But after a lifetime of being told that I'm not, it's a hard sell. He actually appreciates the things I do, even when I don't think they are that big of a deal.

Maybe you shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth!

"Argue for your limitations and, sure enough, they're yours!" (Richard S. Bach.)

[Rev.Vassago]

One of the few and most romantic things a woman can do for her man is to show him that he is ALL she needs or wants.

When a more handsome or physically attractive man catches you at the "bar" and tries to put a move on you, have the sense to realize it (in the first place) and then politely but loudly enough for us to hear it, simply tell him you are flattered but that you are with US and that's exactly where you WANT to be. Then return to your seat across from us and give us a look that clearly shows that you MEAN THAT!

All a man really wants is to be reassured that the woman HE picked out to be his mate is convinced that NO OTHER man could take his place. Of course, if you really FEEL that way you will show us in numerous "simple" ways... and by your EVERY action, you will not be able to "help" the fact that you are romancing us.

And if you think about it.... that is pretty much the same as a woman's idea of romance.

What you are describing is insecurity and jealousy. Solid relationships are not based on those things.

While it's nice to know that the person you love doesn't need anyone else, it's even nicer to know it without having to be reminded or have it advertised.

[golfhobo]

Rev.Vassago said:

What you are describing is insecurity and jealousy.

At some basic level, EVERY human has insecurities. The exception would be the man who is so conceited that he can't imagine his woman NOT being totally satisfied with him. Those men are known as "divorcees."

Solid relationships are not based on those things.

And.... YOU would be an expert on this?

While it's nice to know that the person you love doesn't need anyone else, it's even nicer to know it without having to be reminded or have it advertised.

So... I can STOP sending flowers? I admit that my example was perhaps a bit extreme, but my point was that IMHO the most romantic thing a woman can do is to continually (or episodically) show me that she is still happy being WITH me, and she knows (without question) that she will feel the same way with each and every sunrise.

Although I understand the reason to periodically SHOW her that she is all I want and need, I don't want to have to "win her over" on a daily basis. Yes, "security" is very romantic to ME.

I wasn't answering FOR you.... and I didn't attack what YOU posted as an example of romance. I've SEEN examples of what I mentioned, and from my barstool, I thought it was romantic. I've also BEEN on the losing end of that scenario, and I knew before SHE did that no amount of "brownies" would make up for her lack of "committment."

I'll give a different example. Perhaps, you can shoot THIS one down, too:

When I awake in the morning, with sunlight stealing through the curtains, and the woman lying next to me awakens with a smile on her face, happy to know that I was not just a dream... that I am real and she is with me... I feel like the luckiest man in the world!

THAT is pretty much all the "romance" I need.

Everything ELSE that she does that day is just "gravy." And, unless I'm a fool, I wouldn't do ANYTHING that day to preclude having that SAME gift the next morning.

I've known many divorced women who still "respected" their EX-husbands! But, I don't know too many who hadn't come to learn that they could (or WANTED to) live WITHOUT them.

The most romantic thing a woman can do for ME... is to show me, in the simplest (and most UNrehearsed) ways... that she couldn't ask for ANY MORE out of life than to be with me.

[Rev.Vassago]

At some basic level, EVERY human has insecurities.

While this is true, it's how one deals with those insecurities that makes or breaks them. Sure - there are women and men out there who want nothing more than for their significant other to be jealous of any member of the opposite sex that they come into contact with, and be constantly worried that someone better might come along and snatch up their loved one. Personally, I would rather spend my time appreciating the woman I am with, and letting her know that I appreciate her by treating her with respect. She is not an object, and is not something to "covet".

So... I can STOP sending flowers? I admit that my example was perhaps a bit extreme, but my point was that IMHO the most romantic thing a woman can do is to continually (or episodically) show me that she is still happy being WITH me, and she knows (without question) that she will feel the same way with each and every sunrise.

Personally, I would rather spend my time respecting and adoring the woman I love than worrying about whether they are "showing me they are still happy with me". I can even give a great trucking analogy as an example. Let's say you are driving for someone. Are you more concerned about doing the best job possible, or having them constantly tell you they aren't going to fire you?

The trick to this is actually knowing what your loved one feels about you. There is a trick to this. It's not even a difficult one.



Pay attention to them.

[golfhobo]

Rev.Vassago said:

Sure - there are women and men out there who want nothing more than for their significant other to be jealous of any member of the opposite sex that they come into contact with...

Personally, I would rather spend my time respecting and adoring the woman I love than worrying about whether they are "showing me they are still happy with me".

No surprise, REV.... but, I believe you are misreading the "spirit" of my posts!

I am not talking about women who want to make their man jealous, and I'm not talking about a man who IS overly jealous and possessive.

I'm talking about that spontaneous moment when, without even thinking about it, a woman shows that she is not interested in another man's advances because she is not only content but "committed" and totally satisfied with the man she is with.

And the question was about what a MAN thinks is romantic. Nothing about adoring women OR worrying about whether they wanted to be with you. I simply stated that I find it romantic when she "precludes" me having to "worry" about it because in very simple ways, she shows me that she has NO room in her life, heart or mind for anyone but me. I guess I find being "the chosen one" to be romantic.

I can even give a great trucking analogy as an example. Let's say you are driving for someone. Are you more concerned about doing the best job possible, or having them constantly tell you they aren't going to fire you?

I ALWAYS concern myself with doing the best job possible. However, I find it romantic when the trucking company changes out a load to help me get home, or GIVES me a "hot" load because they KNOW I will get the job done (legally, of course.) Or, simply calls me in to ask me if everything is going well because they "value" my service.

The trick to this is actually knowing what your loved one feels about you. There is a trick to this. It's not even a difficult one.

Pay attention to them.

That is something I am VERY good at. My point was that if "I" recognize a situation that SHE doesn't even see as a problem, then perhaps "I" am the only one who is really paying attention to the status of the relationship. I find it romantic when SHE is also paying attention to such things.

[Rev.Vassago]

And the question was about what a MAN thinks is romantic. Nothing about adoring women OR worrying about whether they wanted to be with you.

But it has everything to do with it. If only one party in the relationship is giving, and the other party is simply taking, then the party giving will eventually grow tired of it. Hence my original post in this thread, where I stated that true romance is giving as much, or more than, you take.

[ironeagle_2006]

GHbeing romantic has nothing to do with SEX it has everything to do with making your partner realize that he/she is the one that completes you and makes your heart flutter. I thought I was in love multiple times and tried being romantic with my Ex-wife and ex GF's prior to meeting my wife however they were all like all you want is SEX not the deeper feeling I was trying to express. When you can lie in bed next to your spouse and know what she is feeling by the way she is holding you how she is laying in bed.

[golfhobo]

ironeagle said:

GH being romantic has nothing to do with SEX

Where did I mention sex?

it has everything to do with making your partner realize that he/she is the one that completes you and makes your heart flutter.

That is rudimentarily close to what I was saying.

I thought I was in love multiple times and tried being romantic with my Ex-wife and ex GF's prior to meeting my wife however they were all like all you want is SEX not the deeper feeling I was trying to express.

Perhaps, you suffered from the same inarticulation that MOST men suffer from. However, this thread is NOT about MEN being romantic.

When you can lie in bed next to your spouse and know what she is feeling by the way she is holding you how she is laying in bed.

Or, perhaps, by the smile on her face as she awakens.

I'm sorry, ironeagle. Sometimes it is hard to tell whether you are agreeing with me or arguing. I don't mean to offend.

But, this is not a question that is open for debate. Reb asked a question that I believe was intended to find out what MEN think is romantic. Not all men are the same. My opinion is as valid and informative as ANY other's.

There IS no right or wrong answer. I can't "cite the reg." There IS no regulation.

[matcat]

i
There IS no right or wrong answer. I can't "cite the reg." There IS no regulation.

There are no regulations just guidelines!

[Rev.Vassago]

There IS no right or wrong answer.

But there is.

[RebelDarlin]

But there is.

Rev, I have to disagree with this. There is no 'one size fits all' answer when it comes to romance. What works for one couple may not work for another. But hey, if what you do works for you and your lady, good for you, but don't think it's the only right answer.

What you keep describing is more about a relationship, not specifically what is considered romantic. Guys have it easier, flowers, jewelry, yada, yada, yada. The usual 'romantic' gestures that our society has programmed us to expect.

Personally, I think anything that shows someone that you care, and are thinking of them is romantic, but I do tend to be more practical than frivolous, which is why I come off as not being romantic, to some people.

Hobo Darlin', I'm not arguing for my limitations, I'm trying to face them realistically, and grow beyond them. And I do wake up smiling in the morning. Thank you!

[Rev.Vassago]

Rev, I have to disagree with this. There is no 'one size fits all' answer when it comes to romance.

So why did you ask a "one size fits all" question in the first place?

What works for one couple may not work for another. But hey, if what you do works for you and your lady, good for you, but don't think it's the only right answer.

As I said, there are right answers, and wrong answers. The wrong answer is pretty obvious. If you were to ask:

"What do men consider 'romantic'?",

and I said that men consider getting kicked in the nuts to be romantic, then that would be the wrong answer. Sure, the right answers aren't that obvious, but therein lies the problem. But nowhere did I ever say that there was only one answer.

What you keep describing is more about a relationship, not specifically what is considered romantic.

In my opinion, you can't have a solid relationship without romance, and romance should ultimately lead to a relationship (otherwise there's a good chance that it isn't really romance in the first place). They are intertwined.

[golfhobo]

But there is.

No, there isn't. But, if there were.... I'm sure you would misinterpret it.

[belpre122]

Oh..........I'm sorry. I got on this thread a bit late in the game. Better late than never though.

What is it you need to know about romance Reb? Hell, you could have just PM'd me. Disregard both Hobo and Rev, they're both amateurs. Better leave this one to Belpre, boys.

No problem that you are a first time caller, long time listener. I'm sure that I can steer you in the right direction!

Go ahead Reb, ask away...............................

[RebelDarlin]

So why did you ask a "one size fits all" question in the first place?.

It isn't a "one size fits all" question. It's a question that prompts some thought, and hopefully, an open exchange of ideas and/or opinions. Why is it that men are expected to make romantic gestures, like sending flowers, but there seems to be no equivilant 'standard' for woman to romance their man? It puzzles me. Most men I've asked don't have any idea what would be considered a romantic gesture from a woman. I get a lot of the usual 'meet him at the door in a teddy', but to me there is a distinction between being romantic and being sexy. Are men really that simple? I don't think so.

As I said, there are right answers, and wrong answers. The wrong answer is pretty obvious. If you were to ask:

"What do men consider 'romantic'?",

and I said that men consider getting kicked in the nuts to be romantic, then that would be the wrong answer. Sure, the right answers aren't that obvious, but therein lies the problem. But nowhere did I ever say that there was only one answer.

And there are some S&M aficianados who would disagree with you. There are no wrong answers, what works for some won't work for others.

In my opinion, you can't have a solid relationship without romance, and romance should ultimately lead to a relationship (otherwise there's a good chance that it isn't really romance in the first place). They are intertwined.

And I respect your opinion. I'm not sure that I agree with it, but you are as entitled to express it as anyone else. And maybe when you grow up you'll realize that other peoples opinions, whether you agree with them or not, are just as valid as yours.

[Rev.Vassago]

And I respect your opinion. I'm not sure that I agree with it, but you are as entitled to express it as anyone else. And maybe when you grow up you'll realize that other peoples opinions, whether you agree with them or not, are just as valid as yours.

Perhaps you can show me where I stated that someone's opinion here was not valid, or was less valid than mine. Because as far as I can see, I simply disagreed with someone's opinion........THE SAME EXACT THING YOU JUST DID.

I'd love for you to point out where I invalidated someone's opinion.

[dobry4u]

Guys have it easier, flowers, jewelry, yada, yada, yada.

Then you have your answer, Reb. Buy the fella Craftmans tools, Budweiser, and a new putter.