A Serious Question ( about men)

[matcat]

I have to agree with flatbed, we don't expect to be romanced, or even realize it when we are being romanced. But the reality is it is going to be different for everyone, you really have to get to know the person, what they like, what they don't like to really be able to come up with an answer.

[BlooMoose]

Reb - I'm not really "romantic" either. If I had more $$ and time, I could probably think of a lot of romantic ideas. You should be the one who is getting romanced, anyway. I mean, as women, we can do certain things - like cooking that favorite meal or "setting the stage"...so to speak, but otherwise, I don't have a lot of input. I should stay tuned to this post to get ideas, also!!

However, I'm in a totally different situation as you, also...I still have kids at home and am separated...so I don't have the motivation to try to romance my hub...and, in the event that it (that little "fire") ever "came back", the kids would probably certainly make sure we had no time alone, anyway!

Really, the only things I have done to make sure that my partner knew that I loved him was...go to work everday to relieve financial stress (half the time, I was the only one doing this), keep the laundry done...with whatever detergent/fabric softener is his favorite, cook special things (coconut or chocolate creme pie, strawberry pie, brownies, etc...) so he could call his dad and rub it in, search out clothing that would fit him AND look good (he's 6' 11" so it's hard to find things that really fit him nicely), keep the oil changed in my truck/clean it out (because I knew it was important to him), etc...

I'll be glad to get some tips, too...for the "next time"...if there is a next time!!

[BlooMoose]

...what is it that they want? And why do I keep hearing that I don't have a romantic bone in my body?

I'd like to know that, too. Is he telling you that you are not romantic?

[Jumbo]

Reb - I'm not really "romantic" either. If I had more $$ and time, I could probably think of a lot of romantic ideas. You should be the one who is getting romanced, anyway. I mean, as women, we can do certain things - like cooking that favorite meal or "setting the stage"...so to speak, but otherwise, I don't have a lot of input. I should stay tuned to this post to get ideas, also!!

However, I'm in a totally different situation as you, also...I still have kids at home and am separated...so I don't have the motivation to try to romance my hub...and, in the event that it (that little "fire") ever "came back", the kids would probably certainly make sure we had no time alone, anyway!

Really, the only things I have done to make sure that my partner knew that I loved him was...go to work everday to relieve financial stress (half the time, I was the only one doing this), keep the laundry done...with whatever detergent/fabric softener is his favorite, cook special things (coconut or chocolate creme pie, strawberry pie, brownies, etc...) so he could call his dad and rub it in, search out clothing that would fit him AND look good (he's 6' 11" so it's hard to find things that really fit him nicely), keep the oil changed in my truck/clean it out (because I knew it was important to him), etc...

I'll be glad to get some tips, too...for the "next time"...if there is a next time!!

May I make the suggestion that maybe the problem isnt with you ladies? Maybe you ladies were just with the wrong guy who couldnt see romance if you smacked him in the face with it? Some guys think that sex IS romance. I call them knuckle dragging mouth breathers. Lets face it. Young ladies are pumping their own gas ( and washing the windows) while their bf sits in the car. Every lady wants a nice guy, So why are the nice guys single?

[RebelDarlin]

May I make the suggestion that maybe the problem isnt with you ladies? Maybe you ladies were just with the wrong guy who couldnt see romance if you smacked him in the face with it? Some guys think that sex IS romance. I call them knuckle dragging mouth breathers. Lets face it. Young ladies are pumping their own gas ( and washing the windows) while their bf sits in the car. Every lady wants a nice guy, So why are the nice guys single?

Great description there Jumbo, I've known a few of those! As to why the nice guys are still single, I don't know. Maybe they're as picky as I am. I'm still trying to figure out why some of the nicest women I know are single or with one of those knuckle dragging mouth breathers.

And Bloo, no he isn't telling me I'm not romantic, he is actually trying to convince me that I am. But after a lifetime of being told that I'm not, it's a hard sell. He actually appreciates the things I do, even when I don't think they are that big of a deal.

[ironeagle_2006]

Why is all the Nice guys are single I will give you a reason. I was considered a NICE guy in HS and the girls n HS and Colledge are NOT looking for the so called NICE guy they want the Party Animals. Next thing they know they are Pregnant that happened to my wife before I met her and she and her EX got married because of that. Well he ended up breaking my stepsons arm at 4 months ecause hewas crying because he was hungry and had a dirty diaper what 4 month old WOULD NOT CRY with those 2 problems. I met her at irst she was like HE CAN NOT BE REAL then it hit her I WAS AS NICE AS I WAS. Now she is like I hit the Jackpot won the lottery and struck gold all at the same time. Name one other husband that will cook clean do the Dishes laundry and take care of the kids without complaints 24/7 and all he asks for in return is some cuddles every now and then. That and I get to keep my 150 gallon fish tank.

[Rev.Vassago]

Name one other husband that will cook clean do the Dishes laundry and take care of the kids without complaints 24/7

That isn't that hard to find.

[Jumbo]

What has two thumbs and did all that? (thumbs pointing towards me) This guy.

[Jumbo]

Oh wait. My brother, the stay at home dad and college student, wants me to point at him also.

[ironeagle_2006]

With some it is. I know of some families where the husband refuses to do anything with the kids and leaves it all up to the mother of them and then he wonders why she is always tired. Guys if your idea of romanceis lift your FEET when she is a Vacuming CALLED you need a wake up call. For me the most important people in my life go in this order my wife and kids FIRST then my other family then my friends.

[Rev.Vassago]

With some it is. I know of some families where the husband refuses to do anything with the kids and leaves it all up to the mother of them and then he wonders why she is always tired.

Men like that give other men a bad name. But all men are not like that.

[dobry4u]

I think it gets a bit confusing with "caring for" the kids. The children are both parent's responsibility to nurture and provide and teach values. But from the get go the scales are unbalanced (i.e. dads can't breast feed).


As far as dishes, vacuuming, and laundry lets add the other side, oil changing, roof repair, and lawn mowing. I don't see any of it as romantic

[BlooMoose]

Why is all the Nice guys are single I will give you a reason. I was considered a NICE guy in HS and the girls n HS and Colledge are NOT looking for the so called NICE guy they want the Party Animals. Next thing they know they are Pregnant that happened to my wife before I met her and she and her EX got married because of that. Well he ended up breaking my stepsons arm at 4 months ecause hewas crying because he was hungry and had a dirty diaper what 4 month old WOULD NOT CRY with those 2 problems. I met her at irst she was like HE CAN NOT BE REAL then it hit her I WAS AS NICE AS I WAS. Now she is like I hit the Jackpot won the lottery and struck gold all at the same time. Name one other husband that will cook clean do the Dishes laundry and take care of the kids without complaints 24/7 and all he asks for in return is some cuddles every now and then. That and I get to keep my 150 gallon fish tank.

Unfortunately, some women don't know what they want....

With some it is. I know of some families where the husband refuses to do anything with the kids and leaves it all up to the mother of them and then he wonders why she is always tired. Guys if your idea of romanceis lift your FEET when she is a Vacuming CALLED you need a wake up call. For me the most important people in my life go in this order my wife and kids FIRST then my other family then my friends.

Some guys do stuff...not the stuff that needs to be done, just what they decide they want to do. In general, those guys do not make life easier, they get in the way, then gripe when you haven't gotten anything done. My all-time favorites quote from my soon-to-be-ex who comes up on weekends: "I don't how how you can stand to live like this" - well, maybe I was spending my little bit of spare time mowing and pulling the weeds in the alley so we don't get a ticket instead of fixing the rod that fell down in my closet (which I asked him to do the last three times he was here). So, instead of helping me by fixing the rod...he is just ovewrwhelmed that I "live like that". It's okay...

Men like that give other men a bad name. But all men are not like that.

I asked a friend of mine to help me fix that rod in the closet and he fixed it. I only have so much time to do things with 4 kids and a job. It is true...all men are not like that. There are some really great guys out there...

[BlooMoose]

I think it gets a bit confusing with "caring for" the kids. The children are both parent's responsibility to nurture and provide and teach values. But from the get go the scales are unbalanced (i.e. dads can't breast feed).


As far as dishes, vacuuming, and laundry lets add the other side, oil changing, roof repair, and lawn mowing. I don't see any of it as romantic

You are cold and hard....teeheehee...depends on what you are wearing while you wash dishes...LOLOLO

[dobry4u]

You are cold and hard....teeheehee...depends on what you are wearing while you wash dishes...LOLOLO

Hmm... go for the "bigger picture"....

depends on what you are wearing while you

mow the lawn

[Rev.Vassago]

I asked a friend of mine to help me fix that rod in the closet and he fixed it. I only have so much time to do things with 4 kids and a job. It is true...all men are not like that. There are some really great guys out there...

And I'm sure he didn't expect anything in return for it either. Even occasional cuddles. That's the whole "giving as much or more than you take" thing. It has less to do with romance, and more to do with respect. By giving as much as you take, you are giving respect to the person in your life that is important to you. If you don't respect the person, then it's pretty darn hard to feel romantic toward them.

[dobry4u]

And I'm sure he didn't expect anything in return for it either. Even occasional cuddles. That's the whole "giving as much or more than you take" thing. It has less to do with romance, and more to do with respect. By giving as much as you take, you are giving respect to the person in your life that is important to you. If you don't respect the person, then it's pretty darn hard to feel romantic toward them.

+1 well said, Rev. Well said

[BlooMoose]

It is totally about respect.

[BlooMoose]

depends on what you are wearing while you wash dishes...LOLOLO

.... mow the lawn

I know, darn it...I could probably get a lot more help that way...but there is a cop that lives down the street...

[Snowman7]

Do you guys think your parents relationships come into play here? We learn by example. Any relationship is going to get tested at some point. I think we either try to get along or try to break up. Kinda like deciding to be happy or sad. It is a choice. Some relationships just werent right but some that fail could have been saved with a different mindset. I guess I dont relate to romance per se. My wife and I just get along and we like each other. We try not to hurt each other. We always know we want to be together and we tell each other that. Just talking out loud here Reb, not sure how to answer your question. I'm not much help around the house. I do all the guy stuff and I'm responsible but not much on cooking, cleaning, laundry so I dont think thats the answer.