Assertiveness training for drivers???

[JewelsnTools]

I used to think I had pretty decent interpersonal skills...I did before I changed careers. I'm no longer so sure!

I've now found that I'm torn on how to respond when I'm screamed at by dock managers, or angry unloaders. I've got a serrated-razor-tipped tongue, that has worked quite well for me, in my own battles...but what do I do when I'm there as a company representative? And at what point does such representation stop mattering if I'm being verbally abused??

I calmly bit one guy's face off and demanded that he "fix" his tone with me, once. But other times, I just get my stuff done and leave. Then, I'm shaking with anger in my truck!!!

"Grow up," right? I've never been treated so poorly, so consistently, for so long before. I'm not adjusting to it well. Any help here would be appreciated.

I posted this here because I'm both a thinking and feeling person. I don't "compartmentalize"--I'm myself, all the time. I don't "go numb" in certain situations...so the barbs still sting.

Did any of you find a way to develop "thick skin" or "duck feathers" that would allow mistreatment to simply roll off your back? Did someone say something that gave you a new, more balanced perspective? I keep telling myself, that as long as the person doesn't do anything that will keep me from getting paid, I don't have a problem. That's helped, but I'm still open to new learning on how to be "colder" while doing my job.

Thanks in advance for any insight you all can give.

[wildkat]

Jewels..speaking from experience...I've been in this industry 30 years now..

1. Yes, you definitely NEED a thick skin

2. What I found works for me...keep smiling, no matter what they say!

3. Figure out a way to tell 'em to go to h#ll...& they look forward to the trip!

I can't say exactly what works, cause every situation is different, but one thing I have learned for sure...you catch WAY more flies with HONEY than you do with VINEGAR!

Always remember... the shipper has probably been LIED to....umteen times & as the companies representative YOU will ALWAYS be the first & likely final contact they have....in person...so who better to yell at than you?

I tend to politely let them know I will NOT take abuse & if it gets to where you are angry whatever you do DON'T let them see it...they have won then! As for a supervisor if you have to, but always always be polite.

That's the best advise I can give...it helps to call ahead if you will be late, or early for that matter, they may be angry, but at least they will appreciate the fact they know where you are. Good communication is your best defense, it only makes you look better in the long run.

Hope this helps!

[JewelsnTools]

I feel silly, even concerning myself with this. I KNOW I need to develop a much thicker skin...I'm not sure why I haven't been my usual, resilient self.
You're right, also, about the effectiveness of honey over vinegar. I've followed that policy for most of my adult life, finding it just as effective as you've mentioned.
I'm not overly-sensitive or anything. There's just a line when the hair on the back of my neck stands out, my face gets hot, and I start "ticking." It doesn't help that, often, I'm dealing with these people after an entire night of driving, and I'm not at what I'd call my "best"!
Good communication. I remember that, from my previous life as a functioning adult...
Thanks, Kat, for the advise. You're right-I know. I just feel like I'm walking around with shredded skin and a corresponding hair-trigger reaction response. This isn't what I worked so hard to get, you know?
Jewels

[wildkat]

No worries Jewels...

You are pretty new at this right? Seems to me you just got your licence & suffered thru all the training & crap not long ago?

Don't worry, likely 95% of what you are worrying about is cause you are a newbie & you are major concerned about doing everything right.

My mauntra is,... Do the best you can with what you have to work with. Your biggest critic right now is YOU! Just do the best you can all the time & nobody will fault you.

As you say, you WERE, and still are btw, a functioning adult! Remember all those coping skills you "used" to have? Well, my dear, those are called "transferable skills". You will find as you become more confident with your newly aquired skills, those "old" ones will come flooding back. Right now you have them tucked away somewhere safe, cause you thought, "phoofffttt, who needs those? this is ALL new stuff I gotta learn", but not too worry, you still have 'em!

Good luck Jewels, & if there's anything I can help with, drop me a line & I'll do my best to give you the benefit of my... um sometimes too many years "out here"! I may not always have the answer you're looking for, but I'll always be straight with you. Always remember...it's better to ask a stupid question than make a stupid mistake!

[Jumbo]

I walked up to another driver today at a shipper and tried to start a conversation. He looked at me and said " You really don't want to talk to me today" I looked back at him and said "then I will just stand here and ignore you". The point is you are a company representative and that is a problem. Never let them see you cry and never let them see you out of control. It is a balance that may come with time.

[golfhobo]

deleted

[vavega]

"having a bad day are we"?

works wonders sometimes as it gives them an opening to piss, moan, and complain about anything from you being late to having to do mandatory overtime. 90% of the time they just want to vent and have someone listen to them. it also reminds them of their questionable behaviour.

by giving them an opening to kvetch, you're removing yourself as the target.

and humour works better than honey, you don't want to be seen as a suckup.
stock up on some one-liners so when you are confronted you won't have to think of something on the spot while your face is going from pink to purple.

i work at a co. who doesn't know the meaning of keeping an apt. day let alone the time. :shock: one of my favourites is

shipper: you're late!

me: no, i'm not. i'm on <insert co. name here> time!

sometimes saying something goofy or illogical gets them off the train of thought they were on and slows them down enough to get them off track.



ok di, enough of the railroad metaphors before everyone thinks you're choo......choo. :shock:

[Syncrosonix]

this is where military experience helps quite a bit. i learned to keep my mouth shut, even when i felt i had to say something. many times, it's best to keep it shut. in basic training, like the rest of my flight, we were treated like utter crap. just let them rant and rave, and be courteous to them. kill them with kindness. maybe they'll think, "wow, i feel like an ass for treating that driver like ****." maybe they'll apologize to you.

[bigtimba]

. . the coping skills mentioned here; humor and good cheer work for me. When that doesn't work, take a look around, breathe a sigh of relief and be grateful that you don't work in that stinkin' place . .

[got mud?]

I used to think I had pretty decent interpersonal skills...I did before I changed careers. I'm no longer so sure!

I've now found that I'm torn on how to respond when I'm screamed at by dock managers, or angry unloaders. I've got a serrated-razor-tipped tongue, that has worked quite well for me, in my own battles...but what do I do when I'm there as a company representative? And at what point does such representation stop mattering if I'm being verbally abused??

I calmly bit one guy's face off and demanded that he "fix" his tone with me, once. But other times, I just get my stuff done and leave. Then, I'm shaking with anger in my truck!!!

"Grow up," right? I've never been treated so poorly, so consistently, for so long before. I'm not adjusting to it well. Any help here would be appreciated.

I posted this here because I'm both a thinking and feeling person. I don't "compartmentalize"--I'm myself, all the time. I don't "go numb" in certain situations...so the barbs still sting.

Did any of you find a way to develop "thick skin" or "duck feathers" that would allow mistreatment to simply roll off your back? Did someone say something that gave you a new, more balanced perspective? I keep telling myself, that as long as the person doesn't do anything that will keep me from getting paid, I don't have a problem. That's helped, but I'm still open to new learning on how to be "colder" while doing my job.

Thanks in advance for any insight you all can give.

I once made the mistake of going off on a receiver because they where taking to long to unload me. when I went in to see what the hold up was (3 other trucks emptied out that arrived after me) the forklift driver was a jerk and treated me like a dumb truck driver. I let my pride get in the way and we got into it. it was ugly and very unprofessional. eventually I got unloaded. went to the truck stop to wait for my next load as my preplan was canceled. hour later I get P/U info. same place I just delivered. learned the hard way not to blow up/ lose your cool or piss someone off even if they deserve it.

you just have to learn to not take it personally. I remind myself that its not me personally its their job, wife, boss, or just lack of personnel skills. try humor, smile and tell them to have a great day. as for verbal abuse I just look at them smile and say "i've been called worse by better" if its really bad, go back to your truck and get a hold of dispatch and let them know whats going on. amazing sometimes what a call from them will do to change someones attitude.

[Ridge Runner]

if its really bad, go back to your truck and get a hold of dispatch and let them know whats going on. amazing sometimes what a call from them will do to change someones attitude.

I have to agree. If someone is really out-of-line please let dispatch know about it. Chances are this is not the first time the jerk has been called in on. Let "your people" handle it with "their people". I'm sure your company has people that handle this kind of thing all the time. No company wants a bad working relationship wether they are the customer or the service provider.

I for one take a very dim view if anyone is abusive to one of our drivers weather it is an outside company or one of our own plants.

[CrazyTulip]

Well luckily I only had it happen twice in 3 years time that someone got way out of line and then I just called dispatch and had them handle it. They are still the customer and I know our company doesn't want to lose the account so they can deal with it.

1 of the 2 times we had unloading problems; receiver had forgotten to print out the second part of their order so they left 18 pallets on our trailer stating he hadn't ordered all that crap. Well I can understand maybe 1 pallet but 18? You know they made an error somewhere but this guy was going off on us saying how nothing was his problem. So finally after us staying calm and saying they must have missed something, finally he checked and found out he did miss an order. No apologies from him, no. My husband asked, since we had already been there 3 hours if they could help us out and get unloaded asap since we already had another load assignment and we had to go pick IT up. The guy slammed the door in his face. So then I went in and he came out with a face like he was going to explode. I just smiled at him, stuck out my hand and introduced myself; he was all taken aback by that; he didn't expect that! He thought I was going to yell at him, I didn't.
Make a long story short, I got out of there in 5 minutes. We just don't know what happened to make these people mad. Although I think it is very unprofessional on their behalf to take out frustrations on others. I don't do it to them.
Mostly when I go in I have a smile on my face and crack a joke and get everything done; it's rare I run into bad people luckily!

[GMAN]

Your attitude can make all the difference in the world when it comes to dealing with people. Most situations can be handled without being rude or yelling. That will accomplish nothing. I have found over the years that having a good attitude and being positive with customers will do much more than having a poor attitude. Many times if they have a bad attitude and you walk in with a positive one, theirs will change. It is amazing what a friendly smile can do to change someones attitude without a word being spoken.

[Windwalker]

With the shippers and consignees, I've found that a few really good jokes go a VERY LONG WAY. While there are quite a number of them that are not receptive to humor, for the rest, it seems to work quite well. And, once they start laughing, it seems to de-fuse the rest. Of course, what works for me won't work for everyone.

Good luck to you.

[4roses]

I guess I'm just lucky ~ I've never had any problems with anyone on the road ... I just put on my southern accent with a smile and everything moves smoothly. 8)

[wildkat]

I guess I'm just lucky ~ I've never had any problems with anyone on the road ... I just put on my southern accent with a smile and everything moves smoothly. 8)

Me neither Rose...I just tip my head to one side, smile & put on my "dumb blonde" look! Gets 'em every time!!!! LMAO!!!

[JewelsnTools]

I am unfortunately quite masculine looking...I don't have those "cute moments" that so often disarm others during tense moments. Between being addressed as "Sir" and "Buddy", I've pretty much given up on that technique.
Other than that, I've gotten some real "wisdom to work with" here.
Thanks, drivers!
Jewels

[vavega]

don't let that stop you jewels. i have to wear a uniform shirt, one of those gawdawful polo/golf things with no bust darts so it just hangs. yuck. sometimes when they call me by anything other than driver or the co. name i point to my name (so sweetly embroidered on top of the pocket) and say

read my tits, my name is diane!

just make sure you say it with a grin, it disarms them everytime. :P :wink:

[RebelDarlin]

8)

[JewelsnTools]

I can't believe you said that!!!
I cracked up! Those, however, I do have...so maybe that will help!

Seriously, though, I needed these reminders. WK, as always, you rock. You're absolutely right about why my "former skills" seem to have disappeared. They're slowly reappearing, now that my driving is getting more reliable. Thanks for saying that.
The poster who came to know why it's so important to NOT "go off" on those at a dock...since we so often will have to deal with them again...Thank you, also, for sharing that. What a lesson that must have been. I appreciate your allowing me to learn from your experience!
I'm about to celebrate my first year. I guess it's time for me get weaned, eh?? :wink:
Thanks, all
Jewels