Case of the Tired Grumpies

[tinyhiny]

Does anyone have any tips on how to deal with the tired grumpy husband co-driver? I do okay with the tired grumpies myself until my hubby gets the tired grumpies and loses his mind. Then I get pissed and the wheels fall off. The only thing I can come up with is shutting the truck down so we can get some sleep. Anyone have any other stories or suggestions?

[Windwalker]

Tempers go seem to get a bit shorter with lack of sleep. What we ended up doing was running "SUPER-SINGLE" rather than full team. Neither of us really slept well when the truck was moving, so we'd each drive about 8 hrs, then sleep 8 hrs. We were faster than a solo driver, but did not keep up with a full team. That seemed to work well, since both checks went into the same bank account. The bills got paid, we got some sleep, and didn't have a problem. You might consider that.

[movinit]

My wife knows immediately when I have the grumpies and she has told me "You will have ________ long to get over your grumpies, this space is too small for us to be at odds". When the time is up she then gives me a choice go to bed or get over it!

Also we ask dispatch for a night off if we see that one of us is experiencing the grumpies more than usual and we try to find a place other than a truck stop for dinner. Then relax with a movie, romance and sleep lots of sleep!

[yoopr]

Does anyone have any tips on how to deal with the tired grumpy husband co-driver? I do okay with the tired grumpies myself until my hubby gets the tired grumpies and loses his mind. Then I get pissed and the wheels fall off. The only thing I can come up with is shutting the truck down so we can get some sleep. Anyone have any other stories or suggestions?

I think you answered your own question.

[tinyhiny]

Thanks Windwalker, movnit and yoopr for your responses. We had a deal from the start that, when we got grumpy, whoever was not driving was to be banished to the "Bat Cave". But he seems to come up with every excuse not to go back there once he's grumpy. He'd rather sit up front and throw a tantrum. It makes me want to pop the brakes right there on the highway :shock: and find my own way back home! :evil: Not exactly condusive to safe driving. I really love driving, we just need to come up with some other compromise on this grumpy deal. It's good to hear what other teams do in similar situations. And it's also good to know it's not just us!! :wink:

[yoopr]

Definitely not a Marriage Councelor :P but it seems that You two need a Long Sit down and get whatever's bothering him, and maybe you, out in the Open.

that'll be $200 Please :P

[tinyhiny]

I think you're right, yoopr. Once we're speaking again (he's been receiving the silent treatment for 3 days now for this last episode), I'll try to find out why he does this whole tantrum/pouting thing. When it happens again (as I'm sure it will), I'll give him 2 minutes to make a choice like movnit's wife does. If he makes the wrong choice and keeps it up, I'll shut the truck down at the first safe place. Once we're rested we can plan some out-of the-truck time so we can reset our thermostats. It'll affect our pay some, but it's cheaper and more pleasant than a divorce! :shock:

[golfhobo]

Definitely not a Marriage Councelor :P but it seems that You two need a Long Sit down and get whatever's bothering him, and maybe you, out in the Open.

that'll be $200 Please :P

Seriously, OOIDA is trying to get fmsca to allow 2 hours out of ten to be spent in the passenger seat, but I don't think it has passed yet. As it stands NOW, your "partner" should be in the sleeper (or OUT of the truck) for the whole 10 hours (or 8/2 - you know what I mean.) Maybe, they know something WE don't???

I don't team with a spouse, but I'd like to someday. But, it sounds to me as if y'all are breaking the rules. Remember: "familiarity breeds contempt."

No two people drive alike. If you're having a problem with each other's driving, you need to "not look!" And, I suspect, the problem exists at HOME as well! You need to talk it out, honestly, and find out where the problem comes from.

I suspect one of you has a "control" issue, and the other has a "perfection" issue. This is a common issue with married couples, and OFTEN leads to divorce.

A truck is a VERY small space. If you can't "allow" the other to be themselves when they are driving, you need to increase your space. If you can't/won't go into the sleeper and find your OWN peace, then you need to learn to create "space" in your own mind.

Remember, driving team as a couple does NOT mean you get to sit in the passenger seat and gripe like you do when on vacation going to DisneyLand! NO one could go to work every day with their spouse standing next to them criticizing everything they do! You have NO right (under fmcsa rules) to be there!

You want to give ME 10 minutes to get over the grumpies??? I'll give YOU 10 minutes to get in the sleeper (where you belong) and OUT OF MY FACE.

That'll be $1,000 please. (I charge more than yoopr)

Hobo

[4roses]

tinyhiny I've driven team with male and female .... when there's 'grumpy' in the truck .... life not only is stressful, but extremely unsafe ... your mind isn't on the driving ... it's wrapped around the 'grumpy' person. I learned to keep books that I wanted to read in the truck that I could escape to .... and encouraged the other driver to find some place to pull over and get out of the truck for a bit ..... COMMUNICATION is very important in the truck.

I found each time I'd go to bed my quality of sleep depended on the quality of the hwy .... was it bumpy - did my co-driver have to slow down and speed up alot due to construction or city traffic, did they have to bump a dock, all kinds of things affect our sleep .... we're easily tossed around each time the truck turns a corner and etc.. So if you find the lack of quality sleep is affecting the atmosphere in the truck ... talk about it. ......... The reason I zero in on sleep .... that was the ONE thing that affect my co-drivers ....... It affected me too. ....................

then there's the people that Want to team drive - but soon they realize it's not in their personality to do so .... there's not enough space in that truck to escape -

Schedule time off the truck .... You run hard during the week but tell your dispatcher that every Sat. or Sunday .... that your spending the day out of the truck ... no matter where your at in the States .... find something fun to do. Make it a Date ! .. and take time to remember why both of you were attracted to each other ... Other wise your time Teaming .... will be short lived.

This can be the Best time of your life ... or the end ~ of what You thought was going to be your life.

[Rawlco]

It might take a bit of creativity, but with the right words you will be able to make your husband feel really sorry for putting you through the grumpiness/silent treatment deal. It is called the "guilt trip." I know that it brings me out of my "grumpies" when I realize how badly I have been treating my wife. It might involve a few tears on your part. I am not really sure exactly how my wife does it, but IF I ever figure it out I'll be writing a book. :wink: $14.95 times a gillion copies.

[golfhobo]

It might take a bit of creativity, but with the right words you will be able to make your husband feel really sorry for putting you through the grumpiness/silent treatment deal. It is called the "guilt trip." I know that it brings me out of my "grumpies" when I realize how badly I have been treating my wife. It might involve a few tears on your part. I am not really sure exactly how my wife does it, but IF I ever figure it out I'll be writing a book. :wink: $14.95 times a gillion copies.

Heck... Rawlco.... I'VE got 15 bucks! Put me down for a copy! 8)

But, it sounds like you can't write the "final chapter." I MIGHT can help you there! You can't write the final chapter because you are STILL married.... and working it out. You need the input of one who has failed miserably at marriage, (without all the juicy stuff) and has learned the reasons WHY.

I can help you write that chapter, for say.... 25% "of the load?" And maybe you can help me "tone down" my OWN book (in progress.) "ANULLED... the story of how the Catholic Church Stole my Child."

Oh.... for 25%, of course!

Wouldn't THAT be a dynamic publishing company..... RAWLHOBO!

[Rawlco]

And I only have just under 4 years of experience at this marriage thing. I am sure there are many things I still have to learn. :wink:

[yoopr]

And I only have just under 4 years of experience at this marriage thing. I am sure there are many things I still have to learn. :wink:

Just say Yes Dear all the time and you'll be fine :P

[Rawlco]

Just say Yes Dear all the time and you'll be fine

I need to work on that one. Too often I say "Huh, What did you say?" I am sure you all know what comes next.

[GMAN]

My wife and I started out by making a vow to never go to bed angry. You can't solve any problems without talking them out. She doesn't drive, but it seems to have worked for us. One thing I might suggest is that you set aside a certain time every day to talk about what has gone on and discuss any problems and how you can resolve any differences. It may be difficult for a while, but could work for you. If all else fails, get a frying pan and introduce it to the side of his head. :wink: Good luck.

[golfhobo]

And I only have just under 4 years of experience at this marriage thing. I am sure there are many things I still have to learn. :wink:

AND, you only have two more years to learn them! MAX!

Statistics, (as only "I" can twist them,) show that most marriages FAIL within the first 6 years, if "a lack of communication pervades, or "a failure to understand." This seems to be the "fail safe' limit inborn in women! * AND, it is decreased by a magnitude of years (or at least months) for EACH time we "screw up!"

If we Men don't "get it" within 6 years*, well..... I wouldn't want to be gone too long from HOME... if you get my drift! And, it's NOT about the ... um.... nighttime pleasures. It's about the "bonding" of two souls who have committed to "teaming" through life. Bumpy roads or not!

Women really ARE looking for that "TEAM" concept! Men think life is only about their SOLO adventure.... with a female "ride along." To women, ESPECIALLY women truckers, it's about RESPECT. Which leads to equality, and acceptance. And ONLY from an EQUAL can you get real appreciation, dedication and LOVE.

Driving TEAM is easy! But, only if LIVING as a Team is equally so!

* Personally, as a male, I only give women about 1 year to "get it." (due to their advanced training and understanding in these matters,) and if they don't "get it" by then, they're OUT THE DOOR! But then, that's why they call me a Bachelor!

If it weren't for the "6 year rule," I suspect MANY of you guys would be joining me! Now THAT'S a funny thought!

[4roses]

Women really ARE looking for that "TEAM" concept! Men think life is only about their SOLO adventure.... with a female "ride along." To women, ESPECIALLY women truckers, it's about RESPECT. Which leads to equality, and acceptance. And ONLY from an EQUAL can you get real appreciation, dedication and LOVE.

very well put .... thank you.

[LALA]

I'll second that 4Roses!! Hobo are you from earth!!! If not, are all the men on your planet this enlightened :wink: WOW!!
Peace, Lala

[golfhobo]

I'll second that 4Roses!! Hobo are you from earth!!! If not, are all the men on your planet this enlightened :wink: WOW!!
Peace, Lala

Sorry LALA, I'm one of a kind!

I can't for the LIFE of me understand why I'm not "taken!"

The sorry fact is, regardless of what they SAY, most women pass me by to get to the PIGS! :shock:

I've been on ice (and I DO mean on ice) for years just waiting for an enlightened woman! [Quit laughing! I'm NOT gay! ]

I think, speak and act according to the head on my shoulders! The trick is to find a woman who can stimulate me THERE!

Any takers? It's a hard job! Harder than driving any ole truck!

[MichiganBlonde38]

Sorry LALA, I'm one of a kind!

I can't for the LIFE of me understand why I'm not "taken!"

The sorry fact is, regardless of what they SAY, most women pass me by to get to the PIGS! :shock:

I've been on ice (and I DO mean on ice) for years just waiting for an enlightened woman! [Quit laughing! I'm NOT gay! ]

I think, speak and act according to the head on my shoulders! The trick is to find a woman who can stimulate me THERE!

Any takers? It's a hard job! Harder than driving any ole truck!

So when we meeting for dinner? :wink: I myself had enough of the PIGS I want a REAL man And here I thought they didn't really exist... Although I think this is something I would have to see and experience to truely believe :wink: