Tips to help you look like a pro

[Fredog]

always drive in the middle lane no matter what your speed. Let the amateurs find a way around you

When a veteran trucker offers advice, always say “that’s not how I was taught to do it.”

Never park in a marked space at a truckstops, these spaces are for amateurs, pros make their own spots.

If there is no place to make a spot, then park at the fuel pump.

If someone asks you on the cb to please move out of the middle lane, call them names and say things like
“you drive your truck and I’ll drive mine” this shows the other guy that you are a pro

If you want to pass and you see a truck coming up fast on your left, hurry up and cut over in front of him before he has a chance to get by, then after you take 5 miles to pass, wait until you get at least 50 truck lengths ahead and then get back over

NEVER give up on a pass just because traffic is backed up 2 miles behind you, this would make it look like you are afraid

If you are in the truck being passed, NEVER slow down to allow the other guy to get by, maintain your speed, it is really helpful if you can get up more speed going downhill and make him start all over again, this shows that you are a real pro and cant be pushed around

If you are pulling doubles, always weave back and forth between lanes to discourage the amateurs from trying to pass you

When you stop to eat, after taking a crap NEVER wash your hands, just go straight to the buffet

When a truck gets over to let you merge onto the interstate, don’t let him back over, try your best to out run him, if you cant do it after 5 or 6 miles, then it is okay to let him over

When being passed at night, always watch the passing trucks right mirror, when you see the driver look in it, turn your brights on, leave them on for 10 to 15 seconds to be sure he sees them

When driving in rain or snow or ice and you see other truckers taking it slow and easy, just maintain your speed and make fun of how scared they are. If you go in the ditch, tell the cop a truck ran you off the road

NEVER turn your lights on until it is totally dark, no since wasting good bulbs, marker lights are enough in the dusk and rain and snow and look cool

Every now and then share some of your music over the cb, this shows everyone that you really are a pro

If you are turning in and see a truck coming out, never wait for him, he will think you are an amateur and dont know how to turn, if he can drive, he can figure out how to make it

After you fuel, pull up and leave your truck parked there for at least 30 minutes, this is what pros do

When pulling in a weigh station and the green light is on, always stop on the scale and wait for someone on the cb to tell you to go

If the weigh station says maintain 45 mph, go 15. if it says 15 mph, go 40

NEVER slow down for construction zones, if your truck is governed, your foot should be on the floor at all times

If your truck isn’t governed just maintain whatever speed you were going. Only newbies slow down
These are just a few tips to help you look like a true modern day professional truck driver

Everyone is welcome to add to the list

[Malaki86]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I was thinking of about 2/3rds of that this morning

[Mackman]

Funny stuff right there

[vavega]

do all the above with a cell phone planted in your left ear, because a pro doesn't need a headset.


sorry guys, that's my pet peeve

[BHG0069]

lol its so sad, every week I encounter 90% of those.

[jonp]

hahahahaha. Good post.

When in the bathroom to go pee, never use the urinal. Use the toilet and leave the seat down. Pro's go all over the seat and never clean it up.

When in a truckstop backing into a slot, never start over no matter how long it takes or how many trucks are stacked up to try and get pass you. Pro's take their time and let everyone wait and watch how good they are.

[Snowman7]

Lets not forget running the *** lights for no reason other than to look cool.

Good job fredog that was hilarious!

[chromewheelz]

Thats freakin hilarious!!!!

[GMAN]

Good one, Fredog.

[allan5oh]

If you are in the truck being passed, NEVER slow down to allow the other guy to get by, maintain your speed, it is really helpful if you can get up more speed going downhill and make him start all over again, this shows that you are a real pro and cant be pushed around

This happens to me all the time in Wisconsin, I'm the truck being passed. I don't understand why light trucks always try to pass heavy trucks on the downhill side. Or better yet get to the top going 2 mph faster, and cut over right when I start to gain speed.

I always try to maintain my speed(not speed up too much downhill). But if there's no other traffic what's the point? I had one guy get upset with me because he started to pass me. Even before then I had the jake on full. Even with that I started gaining on him when he was just past my bumper. Boy did he get upset.

He thought I was playing games so I told him I was fully loaded and even had the jake on. Oh well.

It's pretty obvious when I'm fully loaded you can see the damn freight on the trailer. But it still happens. My truck rolls downhill easier then 95% of the trucks out there. I can catch up to loaded trucks when I'm only 60-70% of their weight.

[Kevin0915]

And don't forget to get on your CB and complain about 4-wheelers driving habbits, because you know everybody knows how good a pro you are in a big truck, you'd never drive that stupid behind a vehicle with just 4 wheels.

[Syncrosonix]

ignore the "road closed" sign. you're a pro and don't need directions for a proper detour.

[classicxl]

those are good

[fl_char]

I must say I really enjoyed ready these...Made my day mch better.

[millersod215]

I would like to add one to this, i thouroughly enjoy when drivers help me "practice" my passing skills, fly by me doing 75 then get in front of me and slow to 60, this gives me the perfect opportunity to take my slowly governed truck out in the left lane and show you that i know how to pass as well, I prefer that we do this atleast 10 to 20 miles at a time just to make sure I've got the hang of it. And one more thing, if you could make sure that you're truck is from somewhere around the border of Mexico, not any newer than a 96, preferably a FLD120 with a front bumper hanging on by a thread, that would be greatly appreciated, i love the anticipation of a bumper falling off at 70mph, makes for good times..........

[Skywalker]

Ooooh, oooooh, one of my favorites is the "pro-driver" aka "bigtimeloser*********moron" that insists on taking his cellphone into a stall in a rest room and talking to his "sweetie".... I don't know about you....but I prefer taking a dump without listening to some "yahoo" talking to his "main squeeze"..... Is nothing sacred anymore?

[freebirdrfd]

Ooooh, oooooh, one of my favorites is the "pro-driver" aka "bigtimeloser*********moron" that insists on taking his cellphone into a stall in a rest room and talking to his "sweetie".... I don't know about you....but I prefer taking a dump without listening to some "yahoo" talking to his "main squeeze"..... Is nothing sacred anymore?

I'm just wondering if he can see the toilet paper dispenser with his phone to his ear.

[Kranky]

I'm just wondering if he can see the toilet paper dispenser with his phone to his ear.

Not if the dispenser is on his left.

[Jumbo]

I'm just wondering if he can see the toilet paper dispenser with his phone to his ear.

Lock the thread!! We are not going to get a funnier line then that.

[P A Frederick]

Don't forget:

When on foot (which should be least often as possible) make sure you walk out in front of trucks driving through the parking lot. They have to slam on their brakes to stop for you, you're a pro, their not.

When in the truck drive 50 mph through the truckstop parking lot. Those wusses trying to get inside or into a spot have to stop for a pro like you.

Take showers as little as possible. People can tell by your smell you're a pro.

Find something to complain about at every full service restaraunt. It doesn't matter what it is or if you're consistent, you're a pro and they should treat you as such. Also never tip after making a commotion about stupid stuff, they should tip you since you're a pro.

Walk out on the tab whenever possible and make the watress who's making $2 an hour pay for your meal. She owes it to a pro such as yourself.

Don't ever wait in line with the other, non pro drivers at a shipper/consignee. Rush to the front and demand they take you right then, even if your appointment is 3 hours from now or was 3 hours ago. You deserve to be loaded/unloaded before everyone else. Cursing and screaming will help solidify the fact that you are indeed a pro.

Whine and complain about every company out there except the one you work for (cause it's perfect) on every Internet message board, coffee shop, and on the cb. In three months when you decide to change jobs again (or are fired) promptly go to same locations and complain about how they are the worst in the business. Find another perfect job, repeat.