Cheating

[RebelBlondiee]

just wondering if any of the truckers spouses here have been cheated on... The reason I'm asking is because i need advise... my husband has admitted to attempting to cheat years ago but i think he is cheating now with someone at the dispatching office she gives me dirty looks when greeting him and if it weren't for the looks she asts like i don't exist.... he says theres nothing to it after at least lying about talking to her for 6 months... and said he would leave if i ask her what her problem is or if i say anything to get her in trouble at work ....need someone else's opinion

[ronjon619]

I'm sure it happens

[Cheryle]

Rebel-

It happens in any industry. Sounds like she is local since you see her from time to time. I dont know that I can give advice as I have a spouse who cheated a while back-- before driving a truck--- so my trust level is not real high.

My husband believes that "talking" to another woman is ok. And I agree. Over the years I have had friends that are men. They were better friends than my girlfriends at times, and it is nice to get a perspective from the opposite sex. But lying about these talks- and hiding them-- are another thing. I cannot condone lying and I have put up with more than my share from him. Ask myself why a lot. I know I love him that is for sure.

Go with your heart and mind I guess. If is meant to work out it will. When and if you have had enough, you will know and you will know what to do. It is easy for us to say "If i were you I would....... ". But you know unless you are in the situation yourself, you have no idea how you will handle it.

Hopefully he is not doing anything wrong and it will all pass... that is very possible too.

[Chris M]

To be honest...I don't have time for a lying,cheating spouse. I know that when I leave home my wife is faithful and so am I. If you don't have trust you don't have much. That's just my opinion and it's probably worth what it cost to read it. :wink:

[4roses]

RB :

attempting to cheat years ago but i think he is cheating now with someone at the dispatching office she gives me dirty looks when greeting him and if it weren't for the looks she asts like i don't exist.... he says theres nothing to it after at least lying about talking to her for 6 months... and said he would leave if i ask her what her problem is or if i say anything to get her in trouble at work ....need someone else's opinion

All I can say is ... if a woman follows her gut ... she'll never be wrong. Sounds like that's what's happening. .... I've been where your at ~ I walked away from him and have never regretted it ... it hurt like hell leaving, but soon after he was cheating on other females too. .... There is NO reason for someone at the office to be giving you dirty looks - - NONE ... your the wife and the office wants their drivers happy. I'm sure theres a policy about NOT dating within the company .... just for these kind of reasons. .......... Follow your Gut !

[Uturn2001]

Please do not take what I am about to say as an attempt to turn anything back on you. I am just pointing out some possibilites on what may be going on and why it may be going on.

For the dirty looks:
The first is that there is an affair in progress.

The second is that there is no affair but the office worker is wanting one.

Third your husband is sharing "problems" he percieves in your marriage and this office worker thinks you are being cold hearted to what she sees a wonderful person.

As far as your husband lying to you:

1: Affair

2: He is wanting one and is trying to get her into bed

3: They are nothing but friends but he may see you as a very jealous person and wanted to avoid any type of confrontation with him having a female friend.

4: There is nothing going on and he is just a very private person by nature or he is feeling like he is "cheating" on you by simply talking to another woman on anything more than a business level and is feeling guilty about it.

Regardless of the reason though it sounds like you and your husband really need to have a long heart to heart talk in as a non confrontational manner as you and he can manage. Marriage counseling may also be in order, even if you go by yourself.

Generally when people cheat in a relationship it is because they either feel trapped or they feel something is missing, which in a way is the same thing. If you can find out what the problem is then you may be able to fix it.

[LilBit]

I tend to not jump to the worse conclusions with stuff like this.....I'd rather think she was having a bad day, maybe something going on with someone else not the way she's wanting it to go (not anyone in your family, someone else entirely) and when she sees anyone she asociates with work (family member of another employee gets her thinking about work again) then maybe she's getting on a bad face for that or not even realizing she's making a bad face (don't know how many times I've most likely done that not meaning anything with the expressions) ...... With her being a dispatcher possible she hears alot from other drivers family members wanting their driver home right now and things that are out of her control cause those loads have to go and someone has to get them there........

He admitted cheating years ago....therefore you have that on your mind that is, well at least was at one point, capable of doing so...doesn't mean he currently is cheating or is even thinking about it now though.......if so I'm thinking he'd have tried hiding that lil fact instead of being open about it...if you didn't have the knowledge that he did this years ago would it be on your mind now? I find sometimes once I find something out like that it takes me awhle to sort things out and to not see them as still that way...times change, people change, nothing stays the same....

Wishing you all the best over there and hoping things clear up and that lady in the office just has an upside down smile that's difficult for her to turn the right direction......

[geeshock]

To be honest...I don't have time for a lying,cheating spouse. I know that when I leave home my wife is faithful and so am I. If you don't have trust you don't have much. That's just my opinion and it's probably worth what it cost to read it. :wink:

Amen, I was going to pretty much say the same thing, me and my wife trust each other 110% but if the trust isn't there neather is the husband wife relationship. No I will tell you something that might change this somewhat. When we were 1st married I looked at those dirty things (you know what i meen) and she views it the same as looking around. Her trust at that point was at a low but since I now can see it from her perspective I no longer do that and the trust is back up. Just make sure he can see it from your perspective 1st and mabe he'll change the way he does things around her or even look for another company. I know nothing, and i meen nothing is more important to me than my wife. I'd quit this job in an instant if it was jepordizing our marrage. Thats saying a lot since I finaly found a job I love like this.

[toolady]

I am new to this forum and I just need some advice. I have caught my husband having breakfast on two separate occasions with woman he worked with. He swears he has never done anything. I am so mixed up on what to do. In March of this year he decided to become a truck driver and chose to work for a company in Wausau, Wisconsin. He now never comes home, doesn't answer his phone, spends almost 1/2 of what he makes and racks our cell phone bill to close to $400.00 dollars a month. I have called his dispatch to ask them to have him call home, after I haven't been able to reach him for days. When he does call he is always spouting off how I embarrassed him. I ask him where he has been and get told I have no right to know. I have found hotel receipts in his truck, he is always dying his hair and mustache. I have searched and found him at restaurants and have called them to speak with him and then he yells and screams that is wants out (of the marriage). When he does come home he is so rude and starts fights with me and then leaves. Making it seem as though it is all my fault. My kids think I made their dad leave and then they get mad a me and it's crazy in our house for days. They feel abandoned and alone as I do. If my husband isn't cheating then can anyone tell me what he is doing. He is 40 years old. That is one reason he says he can't get a local job. We live in Ga. Any advice would be helpful.

[Uturn2001]

Any advice would be helpful.

In your case I think he is having an affair. There really is no reason for him to be racking up $400+ in cell phone bills every month on business related calls unless you have some really crappy local cell provider who keeps him in roam as soon as he steps off his front porch.

While I hate to see any marriage end, in this case it might be for the best. Since he wants out you should go see an attorney and have divorce papers, child custody papers, and child support orders drawn up.

[Trukrswyfe]

Too lady,

Is there anyone else who you can talk to other then some strangers on the internet. No offense I just don't know your husband and would hate to give you bad advice for you. People say lawyer up like you have the dough or the resources to do that, not to mention your husbands temperment. Anyway, what you describe sound extremely painfull to be going through and I hope you have some support where you are. Woman and wife to another woman and wife I can only imagine what you are going through and am very sorry.

Trukrswyfe

[Truckfam]

Toolady,

It sounds like he asked for a divorce. This could either be he really wants to leave you, he only feels harassed by you, or he is having a major mid-life crisis.

You need to decide what you want to do, and what would be in the best interest for you and the kids.

Right now, I would suggest stop trying to contact him and track him down. Wait and see how long it takes for him to call home or come home to make sure everything and everyone is all right even if it takes six months or more. Use this time to think about everything.

If the kids are asking about him, have them call and leave a voice message.

As you are doing this, look at this as a separation. Remember you are still getting some money from him. If you do get a divorce, I seriously doubt you will see a penny from him.

Put your own finances in order. Make sure you are making enough to pay everything if he ever does divorce you. You may want to think about having a checking account in your own name where you deposit the money you make. This way he won't have access to it, and try to use it.

Be prepared to be able to move if necessary, especially if things get really ugly. You may want to start to try to take your name off joint accounts if possible, except the one where he deposits his checks into. If you don't have joint credit cards, then he will not be able to charge them up, and try to pin them on you later on in a divorce.

At the same time also be prepared for the best. God can work miracles, and he may snap out of a mid-life crisis if he is in one. If he is accusing you of things, give those things consideration. Are you actually doing what he is accusing you of? If so, you may want to try to stop doing those things. If not, then there is nothing you can do.

If you suspect he is cheating on you, and you decide to try to salvage this marriage, know he may never change no matter what you do. The best thing you can do for him is to pray for him. God can do the impossible.

No matter what you do decide to do, if he is cheating on you, he very well may have contracted some sort of STD. That is something you want to keep in the back of your mind if he ever wants to get back in your marriage bed.

Stay safe, pray for guidance, and do what would be best for you and the children. If you are a Christian, remember this. The Bible does allow for divorce if the one spouse cheats on the other. Be wise as a serpent, but gentle as a dove.

[toolady]

I appreciate what everyone has said. I do know what I have to do, but it is hard. I guess deep down I do love him, but we can't keep at each other like this. Being away from a family can't be easy on anyone. I just feel my husband enjoys the freedom. My son is going through so much turmoil right now. He is having a hard time coping and is getting in fights at school. We have been together for 18 years and I believe my husband enjoys the freedom of not having to deal with any family issues while at the same time having somewhere to call home.
The company he works for lies alot to their employees and spouses.He told me that. My son called dispatch last night to ask his dad to call him and we were told that he left an hour before and is headed to Fla. which meant he may have time to stop at home and see his son on his birthday( which is today). This morning my son talked to his dad and his dad is still in Wisconsin. Why would dispatch lie? This has killed my son. I really appreciate having a place to just vent and having nice people giving advice. My family doesn't like to hear about problems. I am alone to deal with alot. God bless all of you out there and please be careful on the road. P.S I know I am not perfect but I would never cheat nor lie to my husband it just isn't worth the Lord getting mad at me or my children.

[homealone3]

There are other sights that truckers wives can go and discuss and get support.

One that I know of is http://atruckerswife.com

Good luck.

[Slimland]

just wondering if any of the truckers spouses here have been cheated on... The reason I'm asking is because i need advise... my husband has admitted to attempting to cheat years ago but i think he is cheating now with someone at the dispatching office she gives me dirty looks when greeting him and if it weren't for the looks she asts like i don't exist.... he says theres nothing to it after at least lying about talking to her for 6 months... and said he would leave if i ask her what her problem is or if i say anything to get her in trouble at work ....need someone else's opinion

First off you need proof! Just because you think someone is givving you dirty looks, doesn't mean they actualy are.. For EX: I always look like I am mad, but I am not--it's my eyebrows and eye combination, just looks that way. As for acting like you don't exist, it is possible that she doesn't even think about it, what I mean is -- well lets look at it this way. If she and your husband is NOT having an affair my question is-- How is she supposed to act, is she supposed to give you attention?

How did he lie about talking to her for 6 months, isn't she a dispatcher? He probly didn't even think of telling you that he talked to her. Since it was probly work related. Thats not lying. Lying would be to talk to her, and think he has to cover it up, because he did something wrong.

If what I proposed is the issue, then you asking {what her problem is} is way out of hand, and your husbands response was justifyable--It is his job.

Now Roses has said to follow your gut-- I have to disagree with this.. I have been accused before and have never cheated.. Sometimes and I know I will get guff for this-- Women make something out of nothing, and read into things that arn't there. Like a football team getting into a huddle, and all the sudden she thinks there talking about her..

All I am saying is Get the FACTS and the Proof, before you make a mistake, that can ruin your marriage.

As for the rest, I don't know -- If he is not cheating, then are you nagging, putting him down or leaning into him? this can make a man stay away.

Or maybe he is cheating, just get the facts and proof.

Sincerely
Slimland

[toolady]

My husband came home this weekend and we chose to talk and try to see where our marriage was going. It was a pretty good we were almost there and then I found out he has another cell phone and tells me the company gave it to him in case of an emergency. How many companies give you a trac fone for your personal use? I tried to call it today and he changed the number. When I asked him he tells me he gave it back to the company and doesn't want it. Needless to say I don't know how much I am supposed to take. Anyway I'll just take my time and have some fun for awhile and then take care of myself and kids. Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays to each and everyone of you. To all you truckers please stay safe and warm and may God guide you along the way. STAY SAFE.
Thanks for listening.
Toolady

[Trukrswyfe]

TooLady,


Truly I am very sorry hear about this recent developement. I think you are on the right path to enjoy you holiday with your kids and deal with it later. God Bless and Merry Christmas.

One of many Truckerswives.

Trukrswyfe

[Useless]

I lost my girlfriend due to cheating. My wife found out about her.

Then, she found out about my wife.

Then, I found out that BOTH of those b*tches were CHEATING on ME!!!

WITH EACH OTHER!!!

OOOOOHHHHHHH, The pain!!

Somebody get me another beer!!!!

[Trukrswyfe]

I lost my girlfriend due to cheating. My wife found out about her.

Then, she found out about my wife.

Then, I found out that BOTH of those b*tches were CHEATING on me!!!

WITH EACH OTHER!!!

OOOOOHHHHHHH, The pain!!

Somebody get me another beer!!!!

Girls will be girls It best you don't try and figure us out. You'll just get tired!