Am I the only one gettting discouraged with this forum?

[mighty3]

I have been reading this forum looking for some positive comments, support or encouragement regarding a husband starting a trucking career. I have noticed many negative posts, i.e "why would your husband start such a career?", "it's not worth it" etc. My husband and I live in a town with no jobs that pay over 12.00 an hour. The cost of living has gone through the roof here and the construction industry which my husband was in, tanked completely. He is in his first day of orientation with Transam and we know what a sacrifce this will be, but we are hoping that with a year or so of "sacrifice", he can move into a regional or dedicated route. We knew going into this that it wasn't going to be easy. It's going to be very hard on him being away from me and our daughter, but we didn't have a lot of options. I hope to talk to some people who have successfully combined a family and a trucking career. I need to stay positive to stay sane!

[Rev.Vassago]

The truth hurts sometimes. Just sayin'.

[Ridge Runner]

I have been reading this forum looking for some positive comments, support or encouragement regarding a husband starting a trucking career. I have noticed many negative posts, i.e "why would your husband start such a career?", "it's not worth it" etc. My husband and I live in a town with no jobs that pay over 12.00 an hour. The cost of living has gone through the roof here and the construction industry which my husband was in, tanked completely. He is in his first day of orientation with Transam and we know what a sacrifce this will be, but we are hoping that with a year or so of "sacrifice", he can move into a regional or dedicated route. We knew going into this that it wasn't going to be easy. It's going to be very hard on him being away from me and our daughter, but we didn't have a lot of options. I hope to talk to some people who have successfully combined a family and a trucking career. I need to stay positive to stay sane!

While you may be looking for a certain type of response what you will get here will be a mixed bag. You will get the good, the bad and sometimes the down-right ugly. Some families have been able to make it work for them ( the good ), some could not make it work due to one or both adults or the kids issue ( the bad ) and some just like to make others feel bad because it drags others down to where they are ( ugly ).

I don't know how your family operates but I will tell you this: it will change alot You will have to handle things that you have never had to take care of before. Your staying positive and sane is really up to you. If you are relying on a bunch of strangers on a message board to do that then you are in trouble. Most of the posters will give you straight, hard advice and not candy-coat it. If you have a question, ask, but be prepared for honest answers. We're all adults and this is real life. We treat it as such.

Now so you don't think I am coming down hard on you, what would you like to know?

I was 43 and married with 2 kids ( 7 and 10 at the time ). We had the same game plan you guys do. Get the year or so experence in and then go local. Worked for us. Was it easy? NO!! But nobody said life would be easy. There is nothing wrong with trying to plan ahead but you must also take things one day, one step at a time and deal with it as it comes.

Like I said before; got a question, ask. I'm sure you will get some responses :wink:

[Roadhog]

People come here for answers and encouragement. There are many positive members here who will honestly try to empathize with your needs. We have similar backgrounds or face many of the same circumstances.

You are coming from an almost desperate place and are quite negative yourself. I'll see that as reaching out.

Is all the negativity necessarily wrong or bad? Kinda like the misery loves company thing. You can find comfort in knowing many of us share the same heartaches, fears and worries. That should let you know...if anyone, we can share this common ground, and have lived it already. Some successful, and some not. You will benefit from both.

The success is hopefully your outcome. But it will not necessarily mean pulling you out of a certain place...but rather, making you stronger in it. I promise you will hear straight talk, and no one will blow sunshine up your skirt. That will not really help you.

[4roses]

RR:

I was 43 and married with 2 kids ( 7 and 10 at the time ). We had the same game plan you guys do. Get the year or so experence in and then go local. Worked for us. Was it easy? NO!! But nobody said life would be easy. There is nothing wrong with trying to plan ahead but you must also take things one day, one step at a time and deal with it as it comes.

As Ridge Runner said ... One day at a time :wink: .... Even thou I'm a female driver I know and understand what family goes through with a loved one on the road all the time ...

Mighty3 ~ you and your daughter will need to make sure you have good communtication with your husband and her daddy ... when you can get 2 cell phones /w picture phone - it's only about 15.00 extra on your monthly bill .. one for both of you ..this way you can send him pictures of your daughter and the events going on at home and he can send you pictures of things on the road he see's that he want to share with you ... there will be alot he'll wish you were there to experience with him .., this will help ... also that way you two and talk all you want and not be charged for the minutes ... and you daughter should get a big map ... glue it to a piece of cardboard ... use colored stick pins so each time you talk to him ... both of you can put the stick pin on the location where he's calling from ... you could even keep a note book handy when you talk ... write down where he's at ... the hwy he's on, mile marker and where is he heading for ? ... this way you'll know most of the time where he's been and maybe he'll feel like your closer to him on the road. ..... and just for your own information .... pick up a CDL manual at your local Tag agency and read up on some of the info in there about the profession ... that way when he speaks of something on the tractor or trailer ... you'll have a better idea of what he's talking about. ......

The first year will be the hardest ... but keep yourself and your daughter busy ... take pictures that he can take with him on the truck ... make him a small picture book to keep in the truck. ... When daddy comes in with his tractor ... try to take pictures of him seating in it looking out the window ... and tell you daughter that he's always watching her no matter where she's at. Now you didn't say how old your daughter is ... I'm guessing she's real small.

I know it's going to be lonely and hard but you will make it. Hang on :wink:

[truckerslady]

I feel the same way you do, my husband just quit his job of 9 years driving for a local company because they cut back on hours and would not give a raise. Took a good chunck of our money. He is now in day 2 of oriantaion with TMC. This has been extreamly hard on me and the kids and him also. But we will make this work, I know we will. Once he gets his own truck and can be home on the weekends I'm sure things will get better. Shoot me an e-mail, we can give eachother support.
*HUGS*
Crystal

[larz0142]

You know it's funny my brother-in-law told me 8 mons. ago don't do it.He's been saying this for a long time then in the same conversation I get to hear about the money he is making...I'm tired of tring to make ends meet for my family..Think about this you get to march 15 miles with 60 or 70 lbs on your back in heat that is reaching 100 plus all to hear"DIG IN" not getn to see your family for a year or more..

[Uturn2001]

I got married a week after completing my training with my first trucking company. I have been married for 8 years now.

While it was hard being apart a lot my wife and I made it work by developing excellent communication skills. Sure we had our share of fights and arguments but we continued to talk every day at least once. I also made sure to talk to my oldest son for a few minutes every day too and then when I did make it home for a few days we spent quality time together.

It is not easy but it can work and many people do make it work, but be warned. Being married to someone who is gone a lot can and will find every chink in your marriage and try to drive a big wedge in there and cause everything to fall apart.

[Rev.Vassago]

I got married a week after completing my training with my first trucking company. I have been married for 8 years now.

While it was hard being apart a lot my wife and I made it work by developing excellent communication skills. Sure we had our share of fights and arguments but we continued to talk every day at least once. I also made sure to talk to my oldest son for a few minutes every day too and then when I did make it home for a few days we spent quality time together.

It is not easy but it can work and many people do make it work, but be warned. Being married to someone who is gone a lot can and will find every chink in your marriage and try to drive a big wedge in there and cause everything to fall apart.

Ummmm........you aren't even a driver anymore, are you????

[RiverCritter]

You need support other than from an internet forum! Real flesh-and-blood friendships from church and/or school or whatever. Relying on an anonymous internet forum is unrealistic... but I agree that it's kinda disappointing here. Another internet form that might be friendlier is some of the e-mail loops for trucker's wives and kids on YahooGroups. Do a search of the groups for "truckers wives" and you're likely to find two or three. I think e-mail loops are alot better than message boards for the most part anyway, because you don't have to learn to use someone else' system to read and post messages - all you need is your good ol' familiar favorite e-mail program.

But really - there's no substitute for real flesh-and-blood friends when your life changes as radically as it is about to.

-Robin

[Rev.Vassago]

Relying on an anonymous internet forum is unrealistic... but I agree that it's kinda disappointing here.

Can I ask a question? What is the point of going somewhere that will simply sugar coat everything? Wouldn't it be better to stick to a forum that is gonna give you the honest truth, good or bad? Perhaps the reason the original poster is getting discouraged is because she SHOULD be getting discouraged. As I said already, the truth hurts sometimes.

Something that the original poster stated was that there weren't jobs around that paid more than $12.00 an hour. I hate to break this to you, but neither does trucking. The only difference is that you're putting in a lot more hours. It would be like getting 2 jobs that pay $12.00 an hour, except that way he could sleep in his own bed at night. This industry eats up and spits out families on a daily basis. Now if you want someone to sugar coat it and pretend it's different, then no - this isn't the place for you. But if you want the truth, then perhaps it's time to start listening.

Just sayin'.

[RiverCritter]

What is the point of going somewhere that will simply sugar coat everything? Wouldn't it be better to stick to a forum that is gonna give you the honest truth, good or bad?

Certainly! I wasn't advocating a sugar-coated alternative to the truth - which is exactly as you stated it:

This industry eats up and spits out families on a daily basis.

I agree! But for those who have decided to go for it - knowing that it's gonna be a huge change with major difficulties, they need to hear more than "Omygod, you guys are DOOMED."

However likely, it ain't necessarily so. Some families actually make it work. Especially those who use OTR trucking as a temporary thing to gain experience for the cushier local jobs that pay better than working at the local grocer.

For those families who are going for it and need encouragement, the repetition of "Omygod you guys are doomed" is not what they need to hear! They need to know HOW to make it work. And they already know - most of them, that the odds are against them. Maybe they've decided it's worth a shot, and they seek support - not "give up, forget about it, you'll only fail, your marriage is over, you'll always be poor."

My family and I decided against OTR, even temporarily. But we know several families who made a different choice a few years ago and are making it work very well. How do they do it? That is the question the original poster needs answered! And this forum has been disappointing in that regard for her.

But I'm with you, Rev - don't let people sugar coat the impact that trucking has on families.

Hope that helps,
Robin

[BookBimbo]

There are sites out there that are more supportive for the families of truck drivers. This forum is more about information than support.

www.atruckerswife.com
http://www.marriedtoatrucker.com/ If you go there, don't tell them that I sent you, I don't think you would get a warm welcome
http://www.loads.org/
http://www.angelsoftruckers.com/

Now some helpful advice. For the love of all that is holy, get cellphones that you can use to call each other without using all your minutes. Having said that, don't call him constantly, since a truck driver on the phone isn't any less distracted than a four wheeler (such as myself) on the phone while driving. Get a Blue Parrot bluetooth headset for him so he won't have to use his hands to talk, they don't pick up a lot of background noise.

On the day he leaves each month/week/whatever, plan a treat for yourself and your daughter. Going to the zoo, a park, getting a pizza, whatever. That will give the two of you something positive to look forward to, and will help your daughter to learn that even though Daddy is leaving, not everything about it is bad.

Do NOT refuse invitations, limit your activities or put your life on hold while he's gone. Continue to have a social life. It may be awkward at first, but you can get used to it. If you try and limit your fun time to when he's home, you'll never have any fun. When you can afford it again, hop on a plane and go visit your mother, or your best friend from high school.

It is summer. Trucks are rolling. In winter they won't be so much once Christmas hits. Bank what money you get now, so you'll have it during the leaner months. Yes, he'll still get a paycheck, but he will run into weather delays at the very least, so he won't be able to drive as many miles per day.

At his first hometime, go to your bank and open up another checking account with a savings account, and link it to your current account. Get him a debit card, and each week or month deposit "his" money into it. That way he can buy what he needs without possibly spending money that you've already earmarked for something like the electric bill.

The first month of trucking can be very expensive. You'll need to get him some things that may seem frivolous, but are very important.

A cooler that plugs into a cigarette lighter. It keeps things 40 degrees below the ambient air temperature. He can't be dealing with ice.

A Sirius or XM radio receiver, which also requires a monthly subscription. My non-scientific survey results show that most drivers either want what their trainers had, because they're used to it and and have some favorite programs, or they want the system their trainer didn't have because they loathed one or a few programs their trainer insisted on listening to.

A lunchbox cooker. This is another item that plugs into a cigarette lighter. Although there are some people out there who cook in them, I consider it more of a warmer. It can be used for canned soups and warming up leftovers. Get some aluminum loaf pans to line it when he uses it since cleaning the thing is a pain.

A TV/DVD combo. This is something that you may want to wait until he gets his own truck, so you can get the biggest one that will fit in the hole that the truck manufacturer provides for it, but you may want to get it as soon as you find one on sale. Start stocking up on DVDs as well. While many trucks come with television antennas, they're not the most uber ones out there, and he'll find himself in areas where he won't have anything close to good reception.

Get a plastic box with a lid that closes, and make it his "junk drawer". Shoelaces, stamps, a small address book with every phone number he would ever need, lighters, matches, a solar blanket, extra batteries for his flashlight and any handheld electronics, Band Aids that someone would actually want to use (yeah he needs a first aid kit but they always have icky bandages), Neosporin, Advil (or pain reliever of your choice), and whatever else you think may be useful.

Wet wipes. Some people use baby wipes, but I prefer the wet wipes that you can find in in the picnic sections of most stores, as they're alcohol based rather than lanolin. They won't leave him feeling greasy.

Of course he'll need other stuff, but you'll think of that. Or others here will suggest them. Or I'll come back after work and add some.

Now some supportive stuff. This can be fun! You may find that you talk more now than you did when he was home. You won't be sitting on the couch trying to watch television, or dealing with your daughter. You'll both be paying attention to each other, rather than the world around you. I'm talking about after your daughter is in bed and he's parked for the night. Having said this, his ability to talk while he's training might be limited, be aware of that.

The passion grows. Really, it does. You have to keep in mind my favorite maxim, "Quality, not quantity". When sex isn't available on a daily basis, trust me, you appreciate it more when it happens. Although another non-scientific study (talking to other wives) has shown that one should learn not to expect much from your husband on his first night home other than snoring. Some responders reported loud annoying snoring.

You control the television remote. You can spend weeks at a time without seeing a single Sylvester Stallone movie, or watching a single inning of baseball if you want.

Every side of the bed is your side. This is one of those "The glass is half full" situations. Some people moan that the bed is so empty. I prefer to think of it as having more pillows.

Good luck, and keep your chin up.

[mighty3]

I feel the same way you do, my husband just quit his job of 9 years driving for a local company because they cut back on hours and would not give a raise. Took a good chunck of our money. He is now in day 2 of oriantaion with TMC. This has been extreamly hard on me and the kids and him also. But we will make this work, I know we will. Once he gets his own truck and can be home on the weekends I'm sure things will get better. Shoot me an e-mail, we can give eachother support.
*HUGS*
Crystal

Hi Crystal!
Hey I'd love to talk to you. I'm going to check your profile and see if I can contact you.

[mighty3]

I really appreciate you all taking the time to write me and for the wonderful tips. My husband and I have been together for 25 years and have weathered many storms so we can really survive anything including being apart for weeks at a time. We each have cell phone with family talk and we have been talking a lot which helps. I'm really used to doing everything myself (women, you can relate), so that won't really change. I have 3 big dogs and live in a safe neighborhood. I have a great job and good friends and family close by. My husband is in his 4th day of orientation at TA. His trainer was supposed to pick him yesterday, but never made it. My husband also picked Transam to work for because they have automatic trucks. Guess what kind of truck the trainer has? A super 10! Oh, well, it will be good experience. If anyone else has gone through training or works for Transam (other than Maddi's wife) I would love to hear from you. Thanks again!

[truckerslady]

Ok I tried to PM you but it said that I have less then 50 posts and wouldn't let me. So I added my MSN addy, e-mail me or add me to your IM.

[BookBimbo]

Relying on an anonymous internet forum is unrealistic... but I agree that it's kinda disappointing here.

Can I ask a question? What is the point of going somewhere that will simply sugar coat everything? Wouldn't it be better to stick to a forum that is gonna give you the honest truth, good or bad? Perhaps the reason the original poster is getting discouraged is because she SHOULD be getting discouraged. As I said already, the truth hurts sometimes.

Something that the original poster stated was that there weren't jobs around that paid more than $12.00 an hour. I hate to break this to you, but neither does trucking. The only difference is that you're putting in a lot more hours. It would be like getting 2 jobs that pay $12.00 an hour, except that way he could sleep in his own bed at night. This industry eats up and spits out families on a daily basis. Now if you want someone to sugar coat it and pretend it's different, then no - this isn't the place for you. But if you want the truth, then perhaps it's time to start listening.

Just sayin'.

I question that as well as I read the posts on the various forums for wives. Most of them don't sugar coat the facts about the industry, rather they provide a lot of, "Oh you poor baby!" support. They usually have policies that prohibit posters from informing someone that they're an idiot, or calling them out when they do something stupid, so a person can receive a lot of (at times unwarranted) encouragement. Their members are women who all have at least one thing in common, they're the wife or girlfriend of a truck driver. At times it's a case of misery loves company, although most of the posts have nothing to do with trucking at all, but when someone does have an issue with their child or car, everyone there knows that the answer can never be, "Let your husband deal with it." because we all know that that just isn't possible in most situations.

[Ridge Runner]

I have been reading this forum looking for some positive comments, support or encouragement regarding a husband starting a trucking career. I have noticed many negative posts, i.e "why would your husband start such a career?", "it's not worth it" etc. My husband and I live in a town with no jobs that pay over 12.00 an hour. The cost of living has gone through the roof here and the construction industry which my husband was in, tanked completely. He is in his first day of orientation with Transam and we know what a sacrifce this will be, but we are hoping that with a year or so of "sacrifice", he can move into a regional or dedicated route. We knew going into this that it wasn't going to be easy. It's going to be very hard on him being away from me and our daughter, but we didn't have a lot of options. I hope to talk to some people who have successfully combined a family and a trucking career. I need to stay positive to stay sane!

I really appreciate you all taking the time to write me and for the wonderful tips. My husband and I have been together for 25 years and have weathered many storms so we can really survive anything including being apart for weeks at a time. We each have cell phone with family talk and we have been talking a lot which helps. I'm really used to doing everything myself (women, you can relate), so that won't really change. I have 3 big dogs and live in a safe neighborhood. I have a great job and good friends and family close by. My husband is in his 4th day of orientation at TA. His trainer was supposed to pick him yesterday, but never made it. My husband also picked Transam to work for because they have automatic trucks. Guess what kind of truck the trainer has? A super 10! Oh, well, it will be good experience. If anyone else has gone through training or works for Transam (other than Maddi's wife) I would love to hear from you. Thanks again!

Notice anything different in these two posts? I think the second one is more who you really are. It didn't take much for the REAL you to come out. You guys sound like you are the kind of people that have your act together and know how to make things work even when things don't go the way you plan.

Good luck to you,


Ridge

[Shawnee]

I don't understand this, when someone posts something you don't like you call it being negitive. Maybe we should all just start agreeing with everything that everyone posts, Don't ask for someones opinion if you aren't prepared to hear the truth, most of these people on here are quite experienced in this field and know what they are talking about.

[truckerwife]

I have lurked on this site for quite some time but am new to posting and wanted to put my 2 cents in.

I will say that I do belong to one of the "other" trucker wife support forums that was mentioned by bookbimbo and will say this...

Giving support I believe in a trucking family support forum is just that...giving support and advice. It has everything to do with how you word your posts. I am one of these posters who will NOT sugar coat. The difference from my posts and ones I see everywhere else is how I word things. At the site I belong to, when I see other women sugar coating, I usually come in and give it to them straight however, I am never as brutal as some of the posts I have seen here and other sites. I have had women who have thanked me for my honest advice and not bash them for posting a whine, complaint, ect. Keep in mind...women who are new in this industry usually come in and have no clue about the trucking industry. All they know is what the company has promised their husbands and a lot of times those promises are usually broken which ends to frustration, hopelessness, and fear of the unknown. I think a lot of us forget that we were once a newbie and the ones who have been in this industry for a long time, tend to forget what it's like to be new that they tend to lack sensitivity. You can simply make your point, without sugar coating anything, but yet, be respectful.

I do admit though that seeing the same type of posts from newbies get old after awhile BUT....that is why there are forums like these. Women search for support and when they come in and read all the "trucking CB drama", it's like a let down because they come in for support. Not sarcasm, ..but true advice and done respectively. There are the few that no matter what you say, will take it the wrong way and that is ALL they want to hear is someone sugar coat everything and want everyone to "agree" with them ( this happened not to long ago...in fact...the woman was mad at the advice she got here...went to our site...I put my 2 cents in...she didn't like it...and left the forums entirely. But, those type of people are few and far between)

IMO, this site is actually mild compared to some of the "other" sites I have come across while searching for different things. I just avoid those at all cost :wink:

Anyway...my point is...it's all about how you word things but yet, be truthful and honest about the industry.