New to this and hate it!

[Kensbabydoll]

My fiance's dad has been OTR for 14 years now, and while my fiance doesn't have his CDL yet, he is riding with his dad to help him unload the deliveries. The plan is for him to get his CDL, start driving and see where things go. He's ridden with his dad in the past, and it wasn't easy then either. Actually, last time he rode with his dad, he ended up rupturing 2 discs in his lower back, resulting in his 3rd back surgery. So, I'm concerned about that. He's been at it this time for about 2 months, and I am having a real hard time with it. It could be worse, right now he's gone a week and home a week due to his dad's increasing age. But the last trip he was on, he was stuck in Idaho for a week waiting for a load back, putting the whole trip at 2 weeks. Prior to that, the longest we'd ever been apart was 9 days.
I am having the most trouble dealing with not knowing when he'll be home so I can't plan anything for us to do together as a couple. We each have kids from prior marriages, and the way his trips are falling right now, when the kids are gone to their other parents for the weekend, I'm home alone because he's gone. That's great for the kids, but what about any time for just the 2 of us? There isn't any, and it really bothers me.
How do you ladies deal with the uncertainty and being in the dark? I know I can't stand not knowing what's going on and when he'll be home. I think that's harder than him being gone. I have things to keep me busy, for instance I work out 6 days a week, we just bought our first house, the kids take up time, as does planning the wedding, but there are only so many things I can do to stay busy.
I am so sorry that this is so long, but I think I have found a place where my feelings will be understood and heard. My fiance's mom just tells me that I'll get used to it, and my friends don't want to keep hearing about how much I miss him. Any advice from you seasoned wives will be greatly appreciated! Thanks in advance.

[Kensbabydoll]

I've been reading some posts from the other ladies, and now I feel like a whiny brat. Some of you are dealing with hubbys who are gone for weeks at a time, and I'm complaining about a week or 2. I have it pretty good compared to some of you ladies. Am I just being silly and unrealistic?

[shyykatt]

Took me a good year to get used to it- still have days where I miss the hell outta him; I try not to think "Oh gosh, I am alone and miss him, "- that'll just drag ya down thinkin' like that. Do ya'll have cell phones? We talk to eachother daily, that really helps too. Your not being a baby- it is a tough lifestyle, but just remember, its even harder on him.

[Kensbabydoll]

Yes, thankfully we have cell phones with unlimited text. I don't know what I'd do without that phone. I try not to let it get me down, but it really hits me at night when I go to bed and he's not there to snuggle with.

[shyykatt]

Same here- especially w/all the wackos running around my neighborhood- very scary, and all I have for a weapon is a pitchfork!

[Kensbabydoll]

A pitchfork? Lol...my fiance is an avid martial artist and has knives and machetes stashed all over the house. Plus we have our big doggie who is scared of the cats...won't she be a help in the event of a break in? Lmao.

[shyykatt]

I hear ya- we have 3 labs, and although their barking sounds mighty nasty, they'd rather play ball or lick your face

[jnk2001]

Actually, last time he rode with his dad, he ended up rupturing 2 discs in his lower back, resulting in his 3rd back surgery. So, I'm concerned about that. He's been at it this time for about 2 months, and I am having a real hard time with it.

Back problems is the number one problem for truck drivers. If he has a bad back now, he may have a short career..

Tell me about the back problems been off the road for 7 years now and still paying for them.

[BookBimbo]

The most important thing is attitude. Okay so you can't plan things because of his schedule. Give yourself a giant gold star for understanding this. Some people never catch on to that fact.

I don't know what sorts of relationships the two of you have with the other parents of your children, but do what you can to make it as good as possible. Explain to them what the situation is, and see if they'll be flexible about the schedule, letting the kids be with you when he is home. Use the "It's for the good of the kids" line. Okay I just reread your post, and you were more concerned that the kids were always around when he's home. That's what happens when you have kids. Your time for the two of you is between 11:20 and 11:37PM. Use your time wisely.

Consider having him look into companies that have a "no touch" policy when it comes to freight. My husband hasn't been driving for zillions of years like some of the people here, but he knows that he has better things to do than unload boxes when he's stopped, like playing his computer games or watching a movie. No picking up boxes=No back problems from picking up boxes. Sure he might develop back problems from getting in and out of the truck, and from his past injuries, but why go looking for more trouble?

There are several forums that are available to the significant others of truck drivers. Here are some links

www.atruckerswife.com
http://www.marriedtoatrucker.com/
http://www.loads.org/
http://www.angelsoftruckers.com/

There are others out there as well. Check them out and find one that suits your style. I belong to a couple, and they all seem to be a bit too supportive of everyone no matter how stupid the people involved are (I have issues with people laughing about their DUIs) but you'll find support, helpful instructions, and meet a lot of women in the same boat as you/us.

As for keeping busy, I can only suggest that you get a job or find a hobby. Volunteer at your kids or step-kids school, or at some other organization. It's not only good advice for this time of your life, but for later when your kids are grown up. You don't want to be calling your youngest child when he or she is away from college and asking if they want you to drive 274 miles to do their laundry. It'll freak out their roommates.

Get a family plan cellphone with unlimited calling for people on the same plan. That way the two of you can call each other while he's driving or stopped for the night. I know that my state has outlawed texting while driving, and next year you'll have to use a handsfree/bluetooth device to talk while driving. On that front I'll tell you right now to get him a Blue Parrot headset. It has a boom mike, so he can talk while driving and you don't hear all the background noise in the truck.

[Kensbabydoll]

Ok, I haven't been on this site for quite a few days, but I just thought I'd check the replies to this. First of all, to Bimbo, I do not appreciate you "suggesting" that I get a job. You do not know me, you know nothing about me other than what I've written here, so what gave you the idea that I don't work? For your information, I don't have a "job", I have a "career" as a paralegal in a law office. I am at work 40 hours a week, work out 6 days a week, go to church, raise kids, takecare of a house and animals, pay bills, and when I find time, I read. So don't make it sound like I am some lazy sloth who doesn't work and has no hobbies.
As for wanting time alone with him, is that a crime? I am with the kids 24-7, and when he's home, I want some time for just the 2 of us to go out and do the stuff we used to do, as a couple. You're making me sound like some evil person who doesn't want her kids around, and I really do not appreciate it.
I came to this site for support from other women who are in the same boat as me, but apparently I'm not going to get it here.

[Twilight Flyer]

I came to this site for support from other women who are in the same boat as me, but apparently I'm not going to get it here.

With the kind of attitude you just displayed, I would be hard pressed to think you even deserved any support.

For cryin' out loud, Bookbimbo put together a well-thought out post, both supporting AND complimenting you. Where do you come off dropping such a nasty reply back to her?

My advice isn't quite as sugar-coated. If you're that uptight and going to slash on someone that was trying to be helpful, maybe you shouldn't be looking for support on a messageboard.

[Uturn2001]

Your original post made it sound like you were a full time stay at home Mom. Bookbimbo suggested finding something outside of the home to help pass the time, such as a job or volunteer work, as keeping busy will give you less time to think about how little you see your loved one.

As Twilight Flyer said, her post was full of good advice.

[Ridge Runner]

I too thought you were a stay-at-home mom. There must be some other issues that brought on this response. I quess better it is us than the kids to be on the receiving end. I think it would be wise to speak to someone that is better equipped to deal with these kind of feelings.

[BookBimbo]

I really didn't mean to hurt your feelings. Really, I didn't. You didn't mention that you work, just the other things that you did, so I wrongly assumed that you didn't work. Although I do have to admit that I didn't think suggesting things that might keep someone busy would be so offensive.

Oh and by the way, thanks for posting your outrage about my response on MTAT without including your initial post. You know, the one where you stated that you think that not knowing what's going on and when he'll be home is harder than him being gone.

I informed you that that uncertainty is something that we all have to understand. There aren't any tricks to it, it's just something that you get used to.

I told you about some other sites where people are supportive, although I did caution you that unlike this site, they can be overly sympathetic. While they're full of good advice at times, often they're full of things like, "My daughter in law wants to divorce my son who is in jail! How dare she!", "I got a DUI because I drove while impaired on a prescription drug and totaled my car but I want you to feel sorry for me because I had to walk to the courthouse today.", "My husband only makes $14,000.00 a year, we have twelve kids and I'm pregnant again and the tranny on my 1972 Ford LTD with the peeling vinyl roof just died." and the like. Okay most of the posts aren't like that. Others include, "There's a wreck on a highway that I've only ever seen four trucks on in three years, everyone be careful!", "My dog had kittens!", "What should I make for dinner?", "What is your favorite color?", "My father in law is a maniac." and "We went to the mall today!". Actually most of them are like that. And the now infamous, "I'm going to repost someone's reply on a forum without including the original post in the thread that she's replying to!" threads. For those of you who are interested, http://www.marriedtoatrucker.com/for...ead.php?t=6345

As to the assumption shared by the women on MTAT, that I don't have a good marriage. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. I have a good marriage. I adore my husband. We talk often while he's gone and spend time together when he's home. We don't have children, so this is easier for us than it is for people with kids. Hell, I think we have more alone time than my friends with kids whose husbands work 9-5 jobs do! We appreciate each other more now that he's not home as much, so I would say that his going into this industry has strengthened our marriage even more.

Of course you said on MTAT that you won't be coming back here, so chances are that you won't be reading this.

[shyykatt]

Oh brother...

[Twilight Flyer]

Of course you said on MTAT that you won't be coming back here, so chances are that you won't be reading this.

That's probably a good thing, too. Nothing like wearing out your welcome by being a complete psycho to someone that was offering help and support.



Just let it roll off your back. Some people tend to want to to stir up trouble for no reason.

BTW, I read through that linked post just for giggles. Stuff like that makes me want to go out and buy a case of Kleenex.

Bottom line, this is primarily a for-truckers trucking site. Yes, there are some at-home spouses that ask for opinions from time-to-time, but on THIS site, you don't get any sickly sugar-coating on things. We feel that here, if you're not big enough to handle the truth, you probably shouldn't be here.

[Sheepdancer]

I don't have a "job", I have a "career" as a paralegal in a law office. I am at work 40 hours a week, work out 6 days a week, go to church, raise kids, takecare of a house and animals, pay bills, and when I find time, I read. So don't make it sound like I am some lazy sloth who doesn't work and has no hobbies.

And then.....

As for wanting time alone with him, is that a crime? I am with the kids 24-7,

Im still trying to figure out how she works a 40 hour a week job, works out 6 days a week and spends 24 hours a day 7 days a week with her kids. She must live in another time/space continuum where there are more than 24 hours in a day. I want to live there too.

[Scoe]

You don't want to live there Sheepdancer, the tax rate is hell.

[Uturn2001]

Welcome to the Troll Zone. :?: