not sure what to do

[26yearsandgoing]

I have been married for 26 years my husband just started truck driving. He was a bus driver for years and tried his own business, when all that failed he went to school to drive truck. I stood by him through it all and 4 boys. we have been going through so much financial problems because of the last 3 years. he financed our house to the hilt and then came home this week and i haven't seen him in 5 weeks, his partner decided that they didn't get along well and informed my husband he wasn't going back out on the road with him. while that changed everything, now he has to drive alone and I hate the company he is with they pay nothing for a big company and he'll probably make even less on his own. then he tells me that we are almost 3 months behind on the mortgage. I'm about to loose my car. so needless to say this was not a good home coming. Then just 1 day ago he tells me that (we don't love each other anymore) key word is we. i asked him just to tell me and he keeps including me into his words. I'm not sure what to do.

[4roses]

sorry hon but ... the only thing you can do is try a marriage counsler and then start putting money back somewhere like crazy .......... sounds like he is ready to jump ship ... after getting so deeply in the hole with money and all .... guess he thinks the only way to get out of it is to run off and start fresh .... and then too ... maybe he feels less than a 'man' to you ... it takes 2 people to make it work .... maybe there's things you could of been doing to help with the money - bills - and etc.. Since we don't know his side of the story ... it's not fair to say to much negaitive about him.

[Truckfam]

I'm not sure what to say. My husband was a school bus driver for 7 years before getting into trucking. The bus driving years were extremely lean for us. We had some serious financial difficulities trying to keep utilities on and food on the table. We never did buy a home, and any cars/vans we had were older used ones that were extremely cheap.

This is his second year driving truck. Yes he does go through his periods where he thinks I don't love him anymore. I just keep reminding him that I do every chance I get. I'll say I love you every time there was a stall in the conversation or at least twice in 5 minutes. He will say didn't you just say that? I said yep, and I'll say it again. I remind him how much the girls love him. I'll have them talk to him on the phone when they can. When he gets in that thinking mode, I try my best to stay away from anything that would take the conversation in a negative direction.

You are at the point where you are about to loose your car and home. I know that must really hurt. Are you a stay at home mom, or do you have a job? If you don't have a job, you should start thinking about getting one and soon for two reasons. The first is to try to help keep things afloat. The second is if he is going to jump ship, you will need one anyhow just to be able to support yourself.

The other question I have is does he take care of all the bills? If so, then you might suggest that you start handling them, since he is gone so much to take that stress off of him. Remember if he has been taking care of everything and does let you take over for a change, just make sure you give him the money he needs while he is on the road.

Also remember that he only needs to hold on a year at this company before possibly thinking about switching to another company. The first year pay is the worst, especially if he takes cash advances. He might actually have to. Later on he will be ablet to get into other companies that will pay better. I know that doesn't help you know, but if you can keep your marriage together, it should give you more hope.

If you have cell phones, keep in steady contact with him. Call him at least once a day just to see how he is doing. Even if he can't anser it, at least he will see the missed message from you. If you use the voice mail feature, leave a simple message just calling to say I love you and miss you.

My situation is a little different. My husband and I use to get on each other nerves, and we would fight. Where we live didn't help any either, because there was really no where to go to just be able to be by yourself for a little while. If he is here for a day or two, that is great. When it starts to get into the third day we start to get on each others nerves. The one time when he was about to leave, he said you want me gone don't you. I said out straight, yes I do. Our relationship is better because you are out on the road. We only seem to yell at each other when your here for two long time of a period of time. He would start to nit pick everything I didn't get done and over look everything that I did get done. Yet we can talk practically hours over the phone with no yelling at all. Go figure.

The other thing I wanted to say, is that it does sort of sounds like you made have had some arguements about money. Maybe so much so that he thinks you don't love him anymore. Where as you just may be too stressed out to show much more than your stress eventhough you do love him. The key here is to somehow let him know that no matter what happens that you love him and always will love him even if you do loose the house and car. He is more important, and the both of you will get through this together somehow. This is where a marriage counciler would come in handy.

If you believe in God, now is a very good time to pray and pray heavily for your marriage and finanaces.

[26yearsandgoing]

While yes I do have a job and it's funny you asked because the first 10 years of our marriage he never held down a job. Once we decided to move to florida, he promised me he would not be without a job. I am an office manager and make pretty good money just not enough. I did take some of his bills I say his because he refinanced our house the 1st time and bought a new harley the 2nd time he paid off his harley, then he ended up having to sell it when he decided to go to truck school. I still stood by him and even encouraged him to drive truck thinking that maybe it would help us. I have come to the conclusion that he wants out and just dosn't know how to tell me. When I asked him if we could fix us he told me I had to throw out my 18 year old (I have 4 boys and I'm very close to them even our oldest 29 year old isn't mine he's from his 1st marriage but I raised him) my 18 year old pays me 100.00 a week to live at our house and works everyday. I can't justify throwing him out and why???? He is even trying to destroy his already rocky relationship with his kids. Almost as if he looks at them as mine. They were so excited to see him come home and by the time he leaves again they can't wait to see him go. And my boys are very sweet and loving. While thanks for listening.

[Twilight Flyer]

My personal take on things regarding having your 18-year old son living with you. I'm a heavy advocate on a child moving out and starting their life once they've reached the age of an adult, be that college or a job or whatever. HOWEVER, if your child is paying room and board and is out there working every day, then I say great. He's not sponging off of you. Sounds to me like your EX is simply jealous that an 18-year old is a better all around person and example than he is.

So tell your EX to shove off. Why should you screw up your relationship with your kids (who are not his), just because he tells you to? Why would you even want to fix a relationship with that? Get out now, get out quick, and don't look back. You can do a whole helluva lot better than that.