Advice please!!!pretty please w/sugar on top!!

[Rev.Vassago]

Thanks Rev, thats what I like about you,..consider yourself the blame of all my problems.

No problem. Glad to help. :wink:

[Bthere]

I think it is very normal for a young woman in her 30's to want to have children - I think its a maternal instinct, rather than a betrayal to her not wanting kids in her 20's. You said she has a heart of gold and I bet she would be a great mom. Are you OTR? Have you talked about if she wants to have a stay at home dad, or if she truly wants to have a child and if she is capable of handling a baby and disciplining on her own while you are away? It sounds like you were VERY young when your 1st child was born. Things probably won't be as hard this time, now that you are older. I would try to figure out what scares you the most about having a baby - is it the emotional changes your wife would face, is it the responsibility? I didn't really want kids when I was in my 20's - I wanted a career and financial stability, but life happens- I am 33 and have a 7 and 5 year old now - and they have brought SO much happiness into my life! Financially we have struggled, but children see life on such a different level- they make everything worth living...I would not want to ever give that up or have not experienced it. It sounds to me if your girl really wants to have a baby then you really need to be open to discussing it and trying to figure out a compromise or plan that would make you both comfortable. Sounds like your both a little scared - and thats normal! I would try hard not to give up on your relationship without really thinking about it.

[Truckfam]

Ok, you said she isn't acting like herself lately, and you think something is wrong. Hmmmmm, I know you two arn't married as of yet. One question, have the both of you been doing the pre-marital thing?

If so, others may not know signs and symptoms until three months after the fact if she never tells. Just a possibility that hasen't been considered as of yet.

Maybe she wants to know how you would react if she does happen to get pregnant because the birth control device she used malfunctioned. Would you insist that she get an abortion. Would you flip your top, and later begrudgingly be "ok" with it. Would you really be happy with an unplanned pregnancy?

Depending on how she thinks you would react and if there is a possibility that she could be, she might decide to cut off the relationship now. Have the child without you ever knowing it. It might be best that way even if she wasen't, if you are dead set against having any more children ever.

The other possibility is that she may have told her mom she doesn't want to be with you. Her mom may have given you a hint with out actually coming out and telling you. You will have to do an assessment on how things have been going.

Also, buying a motercycle without talking about it is definitly up there with babies. Depending on her attitude towards money, it could be above discusing having children. Some women are explosive about it.

My husband found that out very quickly when he bought a new car without telling me first. First and last time he ever did that. Heck, now he even tells me when he needs to buy new shoes instead of just going out and buying them. He knows he is only safe if he uses the money in his bank account or pocket.

Hmmmm, maybe she is having second thoughts about you and how you manage money because you did just go out and buy the moter cycle without discussing it with her. I know the two of you are not married, but she may be asking herself what will you do that after you are married. If so, what type of things can she expect you to just go out and buy that would take away bill money or money the both of you were saving up for something or taken away from retirement savings.

Also, remember if you do not allow her to change her mind about having children and the both of you get married. Then she has all the right in the world to hold it against you when you decide to change your mind about something she doesn't agree with.

If you do marry her, you need to set aside every idea you have about rules. Marriage is a give and take. You will be marrying her for who she is. She will be marrying you for who you are. Ideas, wants, desires, hobbies, and everything else that can change will change. You both will have to bend with each other in more ways than one. (pun intended )

Yes, you will always have your arguements and heated disucssions. The biggest arsnal the both of you will have in your marriage is the willingness to forgive each other and the ability to communicate and talk with each other without getting angry after the initial conflict.

I'm glad to hear you are seeing a counciler. If you two can not make things work with a counciler now, then maybe it is best if you don't get married.

Also, have you asked her why she changed her mind, and really listened to her answer? If she responds with something about feelings or something inside of her, remember she has the right to change her mind, especially if something hormonal and biological is going on inside of her. She might have realized she wants a part of her to continue on, and the only way that could really happen is through a child. You already have your child that is a part of you that will continue on after you die. Your child will be there in your old age - hopefully. Your child isn't hers. Also, she just may want to know the joys of motherhood.

If your worried about postpodern depression, you could go into agreement with her that she will see a doctor and/or councler after her child to make sure every thing is ok in that regard. If she even feels the slightest bit depressed that she will call someone and see a doctor as soon as possible. If necessary, she will take anti-depressant medicine.

It sounds like your ex, went through a major depression after the child was born. It was never taken care of in the beginning, and just kept getting worse and worse until she tried to kill the both of you. It may have not been taken very seriously either since "Oh, well most women go through that afteer child birth. It's normal." BS.

I do hope and pray you think through every thing very carefully before you make any rash decisions. Let us know how everything turns out.