A leaving question

[madii'swife]

For the rest of you who have loved ones on the road, does the goodbye ever get easier? I love it when he's here, and do ok to pretty good when he's gone, but the departure and the first several hours after that are still very HARD. The kids bounce back pretty quickly (7,3,1)but I seem to spend the first day hit pretty hard.
My hubby just left for orientation, and he was gone for the 3 weeks of driving school in October, so I'm fairly new at this. We won't have easy communication this time either, as we can't afford to get cell phones yet :sad: I think thats what will make this time the worst. He will be in 3 days of orientation and then go to 3 weeks of training with a trainer then ? Nobody knows as of yet whether he will go straight to a solo run, or be able to spend a couple days at home first. After that he'll be out 2 weeks and home 2 days pretty much.
Does it become routine? Hoping it will be a little easier once he has his own truck and we're not sending him off on the bus.
Thanks for letting me vent, and for any suggestions.

[BookBimbo]

Keep yourself busy and try to come up with some sort of a treat for yourself when he leaves, even if it's something as simple as a long hot bath after the kids are asleep. That way you'll see something positive about his leaving.

It does get easier to deal with. There are a few things to keep in mind though:

Plan on him being home when you see him walk through the door. He can't control the weather, traffic or dispatchers. Think "He might be home on the 27th" rather than, "He'll be home on the 27th or I'll kill him" and you'll suffer much less disappointment. You said "Pretty much" when discussing his future schedule, so it looks like you've got that one covered already.

You're going crazy, the kids are fighting, the dog is barfing, the refrigerator is making strange sounds and the phone will ring and it'll be your husband, calling because he's parked for the night and wants to tell you how much he misses you. Or you'll have a calm house and will call him to tell him how much you love him, and he'll be more interested in venting about the morons he had to deal with during the day and about how his truck heater is acting up. You won't always be on the same page as far as moods and emotions go, be aware of it and your feelings won't get hurt.

Be prepared. Some of us are capable of dealing with whatever comes up and others of us aren't. What are you going to do if the power goes out or a family member is hospitalized? If your husband was the one who always fired up the lantern, get a different light source or learn to do it yourself. Come up with a list of people you can depend on to watch your kids and make sure they have your husband's driver information so they can contact him in an emergency.

Find some other adults to see on a regular or semi-regular basis. Your main source of adult conversation is going to be gone. Find other moms, a church, a book club, a job, or something, so you don't go insane.

Good luck, and keep in mind that this lifestyle can be fun. Yes, fun.

[mapleleaf_1]

Very well said Bookbimbo

[Truckfam]

Very good advice bookbimbo. As I said in another post, when you get cell phones things will get easier.

I also wanted to add, I'm sure there are things you would like to do or get done that you couldn't when he was at home. I have three girls, 6, 8, and 9. It is easier to clean and get them to help clean when he is not home. One big kid gone that doesn't pick up after himself.

I am able to relax better. When the girls are watching a movie in the late afternoon or settled in bed some what, I can play some computer games I like or work on my hobby. At least without having to wonder if he is going to say something about what I didn't do that day.

After the little ones are asleep, you may even have time to watch that movie that you been wanting to, but your husband didn't. If you have a good library like I do, I can get movie rentals for free. I do have to wait some for the new releases though.

At night, there are times I can't sleep. When I can I will allow one of the girls to sleep in my room with me. As long as I can only have one without the other two wanting to get in bed. One night all three of them got in my bed, and I ended up sleeping on the couch.

You could always think of this time as a little more freedom for yourself. Take time to papmer yourself a little more. Maybe do something you use to do before you met, but you don't do now as the kids and time permit. Cook some type of food you enjoyed, but stopped cooking or getting because he didn't like it. Let the kids eat something they like.

By the time he comes home, you should be more than ready to see him and let the sparks fly. I guess that is one thing I do enjoy when he gets back after being gone for awhile. Just remember he will need rest before thinking of any of that first. I know mine usually does.

I don't mark any days off on the calander though. One it can make me a little too anxious as the count down gets nearer when he is suppose to be home. Two, it can be a major let down when he calls and says he is going to be out longer than he was originally told. You will need to be able to take that in stride.

If that is dreaded news for you, it's time to get a sitter and go do something by your self or with a friend that you haven't done in a very long time whether it is going to a real restraunt, catching a movie you want to see but know he wouldn't like at the theatre, or just something you really enjoy doing.

If your just jittery and need to waste time so you don't fret, play a game with the children. Or if they are asleep, go to an online gaming site like pogo. Yes, I admit I will play neopets. Also, visit other boards besides the trucking boards. Sometimes when I do start to miss him, the trucking boards make me miss him more.

If you find yourself fretting too much and can't sit still, just do 15 minutes of execrises. Don't change clothes, put in a tape, or anything like that. Just get your body moving. Think of execrises that you like (at least willing to do) and already know. Your kids may just happen to join in also. Ones I do sometimes knee bends, lifting my knee up to meet my elbow, streach my arms up, touch my hips, knees and then try to touch the floor. I have been starting to actually touch the floor.

Keep it simple and non-strenous unless you feel like it. You don't have to look at the clock. Heck you can do 5 minutes or 20 if you like. It helps to release nervous enegry.

Here is another good way to get your mind off of missng him especially with smaller kids. Google kids science experiments that can be done in the home. With the young kids, it can be simple as mixing food coloring in a glass of water to see what the color will be if we mix this color and this color together. There are alot of experiments that can be done with every day items laying around the house. If you like craft work, so some simple crafts with them. Stick the 1 year old in a playpen, and do a craft project with the 3 year old.

If you believe in God, just talk to him like he is standing next to you. That does help me when there is no one else I can talk to, and I just need to talk to someone besides the kids. Other times it is listening to worship music or singing praises to him as I do house cleaning that will give me the lift I need.

What ever you do, DO NOT listen to any love songs or country music. It will make you more miserable than you already are. If you are listening to a radio and that is all they are playing, turn it off.

Sorry this was so long. I hope one of these ideas helps you.

[repete]

Can't afford a cell phone? Have him stop @ Wal-mart and get the biggest phone card he can afford(some are reloadable so you don't have to tie up a lot of $$). It's not real cheap to make the call but the cost per min. not to bad.He can call at preset time (aprox) every day or whatever. BOL