In need of advice from an OTR wife

[Terra]

Today, I had one of the most horrible days with my husband. It all came about when my 2 yr. old took the cordless phone from the hook. Once he did that, I did not know when someone was calling me. To make a long story short, my husband thinks that I was doing something. My cell phone was in the car. I figure if I am at home, then try me there. I don't go any where or do any thing besides care for my children. I truly love my husband, but this OTR thing for 2 to 3 weeks is really getting to me. We disagree more now than ever. Maybe the stress of being in a new city and no family is really what's going on. ANY suggestion on how to keep him happy and not so stressed on the road would be greatly appreciated. I don't want him all stressed out on the road when there is no need to.

[Twilight Flyer]

If he's stressing about things, keep your phone out of reach from your young one and your cell phone handy. If he can't raise you and he's out on the road, how can you expect him to react any differently? :? Trust is one thing, but when a driver is hundreds and hundreds of miles away and can't get ahold of his wife, he's pretty helpless to do anything but worry and there are a lot of miles for his mind to come to conclusions that probably are incorrect.

[richey94]

Just tell him that you will try to be more careful with the phone. Remind him that you don't want anyone but him. Maybe a switch of companies so that he could be home more often.

[Truckfam]

How long have you been married? Exactly who's choice was it to move away from friends and family, especially yours? With him being gone so long you both really need a support circle. What would have happened if the cell phone went dead during a blackout? What would he do then? What would he be thinking.

Really, if you lived near family and friends he could have called someone else to check in on you to make sure you were ok. Personally, my husband would become worried sick that something happened to me and/or one of his kids. He would be frantically be calling everyone he knows to make sure I wasen't in the hospital. Then again we have been married 9 years already.

It sounds like he is more worried about you cheating on him. Either tells me that he still considers this is a new marriage (assuming the 2 year old is his), or he is highly inscure himself and/or you. Maybe he has been tempted out there on the road, and now thinks that it is easier for someone else to move in on you while he is away.

You two need to seriously sit down and talk about what if this happens again, and about your relationship without him yelling and accusing you of everything under the sun. Just remember he is not the only one who can accuse of adultry. There are alot of lot lizards snaking around in some those parking lots. If he is getting tempted, then maybe he thinks it would be easier for you to do something behind his back rather than vice/versa.

Other than that, his best move would be to start looking for a local or regional that will bring him home more often even though it may mean less pay. He might be able to get a slip seat reagional run where he is only gone every other day. That is the type of run my husband currently has. He leaves say Monday night, returns home Tuesday night. Then has to go back out Wednesday night.

Apparently this OTR is not really working for either of you, especially with accusations being flown around.

[Rawlco]

I don't worry about my wife cheating on me, but I do worry about many things, and it sort of goes in this order when I can't reach her no matter if I am 10 miles or 1,000 miles away:
1) Perhaps she is busy. I'll try in a few minutes.
2) Perhaps she is at another phone, did I forget when she told me she was going shopping in the morning? (Yeah I forget stuff like that)
3) Hmm, no answer at home or cell. Where could she be? Is she hurt, injured, in a car accident, fallen down outside, or been the victim of a home invasion? The images keep comming and the worrying continues.
4) Should I call somewhere else and see if anyone has seen her? My mother perhaps, or her mother.
And the thought process continues something like that. I think perhaps some of it results from watching too much CSI.

That is probably why he is worried about you. Now if he is worried about your fidelity then your relationship is doomed, sorry to say. You may be able to continue in this relationship but it is seriously damaged and not healthy. Good luck.

[gypsybrie]

(((HUGS)))

I don't think that cheating is necessarily the first thing that is gonna come to mind when you can't get ahold of your spouse.

My DH freaks when he can't get ahold of me for a while. I too forget to take my cell with me, and the boys are always on the house phone and it's dead have the time.

But I too worry if I can't get ahold of him. It has nothing to do with suspicion, but love and concern.

Like Rawlco said, when my DH can't get ahold of me, the first thing he thinks is that I am probably busy and will call back later. But then the second time he calls and no answer, then he begins to wonder what I'm up to. Then 3rd time and he's about to send out the search party LOL He's afraid that I've been hurt or something else bad has happened. Sitting behind that wheel all day really fires up the imagination

I think that sometimes when our guys get upset when they can't get ahold of us it's because they just miss doing the "normal" things in life. They're lonely and want to talk and you're busy with other things and maybe they even feel a bit jealous or slighted. They know you still care, but feelings and emotions are a bit touchy when you're missing home.

When he's home, just sit down and have a good heart to heart. Explain that you will try to remember to carry your cell with you and keep in better contact with him, but there are times when life just happens to get in the way and there is nothing for him to worry about. You love him and support him and would not do anything like that behind his back.

This is definately not the easiest life, but it can be rewarding if you approach it with a positive attitude.

[rickyswife2]

My husband just started driving. The same thing happened to me
except, I was at the gym and I went into the steam room, (can't take the cell phone in there). I came out and noticed 1 missed call. I tried to call back and it went straight to his voice mail. I got home and noticed a call on my answering machine. I kept trying to call him (2 or 3 times) finally I got a hold of him. I told him what was going on and he said well, I was just calling to say I love you and goodnight.
I am in my hometown with family and friends however, I stay at by myself most of the time. The only time I go somewhere is to the gym, with my two teenage boys or I go to work.
Keep your chin up and let him know you are a big girl and can take care of yourself.

[BookBimbo]

Explain to him that if you had the time for an affair, you would use it to take a nap instead.

Things like this happen again and again for both of you. Your toddler will toss your phones in the bathtub, your husband will be in South Dakota waiting all day for a load without any service, or someone will forget to take their phone with them.

If something had happened to you, the authorities would have found your husband's phone number and called him. Your husband's company information, like their phone number and his driver and/or truck number should be there as well. Same goes for him. If something happens to him and he can't actually call you, the company or the authorities will.

You said, "To make a long story short, my husband thinks that I was doing something."

This is the important part. Trust is vital in any relationship. While I wouldn't recommend having intimate dinners with ex-boyfriends while your husband is away, I do think that you should be able to live a normal life without having him accuse you of fooling around, if that's what the something he thought you were doing is. You can't be expected to sit around all day waiting for him to call. What if you had taken your kid to see "Happy Feet"? Your phone would be off, I would hope, or on vibrate. It's still not appropriate to answer it in a theater. Just as he can't always talk, you can't either. There are movies to see, screaming children to deal with, malls to visit, and naps to take.

Tell him that you adore him and that you can't wait to see him. Let him vent about the job a bit if that's what's really bugging him. Let him go on for a while, but remember that you're his wife, not his verbal punching bag. If he really does have jealousy issues, he needs to work on them, and you should help him as much as you can.

Good luck, oh and as someone else said, keep the kid away from the phone

[lnichols]

I can understand how you feel, we moved to Memphis to be closer to my husband while he trained and ended up moving to MS - now we are away from family. Make some friends - go to church, get involved with your kids school - you will make friends.
But I also understand your husbands concern - he is out on the road, you have a cell and a house phone and the Internet - he should be able to get you within a 15 minute time period.
Don't make him have any un needed stress while he is on the road, let him keep his mind on his job and focused on driving - if he gets distracted you'll be dealing with a funeral instead of him just being cranky cause he can't reach you.
And even though you know you have kids to take care of, a house to keep up with and maybe a few interests of your own - he is so far from home, sometimes they forget how busy you are.