Fridays in Hell

[Southron]

A man dies and goes to Hell. He meets up with a demon who sees that he’s depressed. The demon asks him, “Hey, dude, why so gloomy?”

“Why do you think?” said the man, “Look at where I’m at!”

The demon replied, “Hell’s not so bad. Hey, do you like to drink?”

The man replied, “Uh ... yeah, I like to drink.”

“Well, every Monday in Hell is drinking day. All day long, help yourself to wine, whiskey, brandy, vodka, rum, tequila, mead, beer- anything you want. We drink till we throw up and then we drink some more.”

“Wow, that sounds like a lot of fun!”, said the man.

“Do you smoke?”, asked the demon.

“I love to smoke!” said the man.

“Well, every Tuesday in Hell is tobacco day. We have every brand of cigarette you can think of and the finest hand-rolled cigars from all over the world! Smoke all you want. You can’t get cancer because you’re already dead.”

“Wow, that’s great!” said the man, starting to feel a little better about being in hell.

“Do you like fighting?” asked the demon.

“Yeah”, said the man.

“Great, because every Wednesday in Hell is fight day. Pick any weapons you want, swords, knives, axes, guns, clubs, and just go wild. Hack, shoot, stab and maul to your heart’s delight. You can’t kill anyone because everybody’s already dead!”

“Wow, that sounds like fun!” said the man, becoming more and more enthusiastic about his situation.

“Do you do drugs?” asked the demon.

“You don’t mean?”

“I sure do! Every Thursday in Hell is drug day. We got it all: cocaine, heroin, opium, meth, crack, ice, pills- anything you want! Smoke a joint the size of a submarine if you want to ... you’re dead, so who cares, right?”

“Wow, this is great! Who would have thought Hell is such a cool place!”

“Are you gay?” asked the demon.

“No”

“Oooh ... you’re going to hate Fridays!”