Murphy's Laws of Combat

[Southron]

Murphy was a grunt.

1. You are not superman. Marines and fighter pilots take notice.
2. If it’s stupid but it works, then it’s not stupid.
3. Don’t look conspicuous- it draws fire. That’s why aircraft carriers are called “Bomb Magnets”.
4. When in doubt, empty your magazine.
5. Never share a foxhole with someone braver than you.
6. Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.
7. If your attack is going really well, it’s an ambush.
8. No plan survives the first contact intact.
9. All five-second grenade fuses will burn down in three seconds.
10. Try to look unimportant because the enemy may be low on ammo.
11. If you are forward of your position, the artillery will fall short.
12. The enemy diversion you are ignoring is the main attack.
13. The important things are always simple.
14. The simple things are always hard.
15. The easy way is always mined.
16. If you are short of everything but enemies, you are in combat.
17. When you have secured an area, don’t forget to tell the enemy.
18. Incoming fire always has the right of way.
19. If at first you don‘t succeed, call in an air strike.
20. If the enemy is in range, SO ARE YOU!
21. No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection.
22. Beer math is: 2 beers x 37 men= 49 cases.
23. Body count math is: 2 guerillas + 1 portable + 2 pigs = 37 enemy killed in action.
24. Things that must be together to work usually can’t be shipped together.
25. Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support desperately.
26. Anything you do can get you shot- including doing nothing.
27. Tracers work both ways.
28. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
29. Make it tough for the enemy to get in and you can’t get out.
30. If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will have more than your fair share of objectives to take.
31. When both sides are convinced that they are about to loose, they are both right.
32. Professional soldiers are predictable, but the world is full of amateurs.
33. Close only counts on horseshoes and hand-grenades.
34. The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map.
35. The quartermaster has only two sizes: too small and too big.
36. If you need an officer in a hurry, take a nap.
37. The enemy will always attack while you‘re using the latrine.
38. The ammo you need now is on the next airdrop.
39. Friendly fire ... isn’t!
40. Recoilless rifles ... aren’t!
41. Suppressive fires ... won’t!
42. Mines are equal opportunity weapons.
43. Weather isn’t neutral.
44. If your sergeant can see you ... SO CAN THE ENEMY!
45. If you are one frequency, everybody else will be on another.
46. A sucking chest wound is nature’s way of telling you to slow down.
47. Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy other people to shoot at.
48. The Calvary doesn’t always come to the rescue.
49. The side with the simplest uniform wins.
50. Spare batteries for the radio are always either dead or the wrong size.
51. Your CO will always stick his head in your radio hooch to see if anything has come down from DIV when you are listening to the VOA broadcasting the baseball game.