Stupid Callers!!!

[Southron]

STUPID CALLS OF THE DAY
Just goes to show you that the idiots don’t fall far from the idiot tree.

Before I got into driving, I was a county jailer in Texas. The following content has not been fabricated or made up. These are actual phone calls that I and other officers received while working at the information desk. Thanks to Officer Wrinkle for her contributions to this thread.
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Me: Tarrant County Jail, can I help you?
Caller: I want to know why all the letters I'm sending to my boyfriend keep coming back. He's getting his momma's letters just fine.
Me: Did you put his name and CID number on them?
Caller: Yeah, I been putting his name at the top, then his number, then the address.
Me: Is there anything else written on the envelope?
Caller: No, just my name and stuff, you know how you're supposed to put them on the bottom? And they keep sending my letters back.
Me: The bottom?
Caller: Yeah, you know how you put your name and address in the bottom right corner?
Me: Ma’am, the person sending the letter is supposed to put their name in the top left. If you’re putting his name on top and your name in the bottom right, you’ve been mailing the letters to yourself.
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Me: Tarrant County Jail, can I help you?
Caller: Could you tell me my son’s charges?
Me: Yes sir. The charge is assault with bodily injury?
Caller: Bodily injury? Does that mean he was hurt?
Me: What?
Caller: Well, was that his body, or someone else?
Me: I would assume that it was someone else.
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Me: Tarrant County Jail, can I help you?
Caller: How old do you have to be to vote?
Me: 18
Caller: Okay, my son is going to be 18 on October 22nd. Will he be able to vote?
Me: I don’t believe so. I think he would have had to have been registered by October 4th.
Caller: But he wasn't 18 then.
Me: Then he can't vote.
Caller: What if he does early voting?
Me: He still has to be registered.
Caller: But doesn't early voting mean that you can vote before you're 18?
Me: No.
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Me: Tarrant County Jail, can I help you?
Caller: Can you send a car to my house to arrest me?
Me: Why, sir?
Caller: I'm violating my probation. I'm not supposed to be drinking, and I'm drunk right now. Really, really drunk. Listen. *glug, glug* That was a beer. Can you send someone now? I'll be standing on my porch drinking, so when the officer gets here they can arrest me for public intoxication, because I'm really drunk. I won't fight or nothing, I just really want to go to jail. My old lady's mad at me, so I'm just trying to get arrested. Can you help me out?
Me: Just a moment, I'll transfer you to dispatch.
Caller: Thanks, you're a good person. Are you at the jail?
Me: Yes, sir.
Caller: Then I'll see you when I get there. I tried to walk, but I've got a busted knee and I couldn't hop all the way there. But you're sending me a car. That's good. You're nice. When I get out, I'll buy you a beer.
Me: Uh, no thanks. I'm transfering your call now ... *click*
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Me: Tarrant County Jail, can I help you?
Caller: Can you give my son a message for me?
Me: No sir, I can’t give a message to an inmate.
Caller: Well have you ever even talked to him?
Me: No, I haven’t.
Caller: Then how do you know you can’t give him a message?
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Me: Tarrant County Jail, can I help you?
Caller: To visit someone, do I have to be on the list that they fill out?
Me: Yes, sir.
Caller: So if the inmate doesn’t actually know me personally, I can’t visit him?
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Me: Tarrant County Jail, can I help you?
Caller: Hello?
Me: Hello, Tarrant County Jail, how can I help you?
Caller: Is this the jail?
Me: Yes. This is the Tarrant County Jail.
Caller: Is this the Tarrant County Jail?
Me: Yes, this is the Tarrant County Jail!
Caller: Is this the jail in Denton?
Me: NO, this is the TARRANT ... COUNTY ... JAIL.
Caller: Oh, well how am I supposed to know that?!
Me: I’m sorry. I guess I should have mentioned that.
Caller: It would have been helpful. *click*
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Me: Tarrant County Jail, can I help you?
Caller: I need the number to the impound place.
Me: Was the vehicle towed by the city or the county?
Caller: No, the impound where they take the dogs. My dog just got impounded.
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Me: Tarrant County Jail, can I help you?
Caller: Um, yes, can you tell me if you still have (name withheld) in jail, he’s supposed to be released today.
Me: I’m not showing anyone in custody by that name.
Caller: (sounding confused) But... he should be there! He’s supposed to be getting out today.
Me: Okay ma’am… he’s not here.
Caller: Where could he be?
Me: Well, if he was due to be released today, and he’s not here now, that means he was released.
Caller: (sounding surprised) Oh .... OH... okay! Then he’s gone then, right?
Me: Yes ma’am.
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Me: Tarrant County Jail, can I help you?
Caller: Can you tell me if my son (name withheld) is there?
Me: Yes sir, he is here.
Caller: Can you tell me if he has me on his visitin’ list?
Me: I can’t give you that information, sir.
Caller: But how will I know if he’s there?
Me: I just told you that he’s here.
Caller: Well, if I brought some money up there to put on his books, could they tell me if he’s there?
Me: Sir, I’ve already told you, that he IS here!
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Me: Tarrant County Jail, can I help you?
Caller: My daughter just came in tonight and she said that they won’t let her eat.
Me: (after running her name) Okay … I’m showing that she was booked in at 8:30pm, she missed feeding time by about 3 hours.
Caller: Okay… uh, well, if my husband brings her some money, can she buy something to eat off of commissary?
Me: Yes ma’am, but commissary won’t be here until 8 or 9 tomorrow morning. She’ll have to wait until we serve breakfast at 5am.
Caller: Well… then, can my husband bring her a hamburger and some fries?
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Me: Tarrant County Jail, can I help you?
Caller: Um, yes, can you tell me if (name withheld) is there?
Me: Yes, she is here.
Caller: How’s she doing… is she okay?
Me: I don’t know ma’am, I’ve never met her.
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Me: Tarrant County Jail, can I help you?
Caller: Yes, my momma’s in there and she’s administrating, and they won’t let her take a shower.
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Me: Tarrant County Jail, can I help you?
Caller: When is visitation?
Me: Seven days a week from 9am to 9pm.
Caller: Okay … so, can I visit on Sundays too?
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Me: Tarrant County Jail, can I help you?
Caller: Yeah, my husband got arrested and I’m trying to find out where he is. He called me and he don’t know where he is.
Me: Who arrested him?
Caller: Uh… it was a cop.
Me; No ma’am, I meant was he arrested by the city or the county?
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Me: Tarrant County Jail, can I help you?
Caller: Um, yeah, can you tell me if y’all got a inmate by the name of (name withheld)?
Me: Yes ma’am, he is here.
Caller: Do he have a bun?
Me: A what??
Caller: A bun.
Me: Did you say “bun”!? Like a hamburger bun, or a hot dog bun?
Caller: No, a BOND!
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Me: Tarrant County Jail, can I help you:
Caller: Can you tell me if y’all still have a inmate by the name of (name withheld)
Me: Yes ma’am, we still have him.
Caller: Can y’all tell me if he got any rescriptions?
Me: Did you say “rescriptions”, ma’am?
Caller: Yeah, I want to know if I can come visit him.
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Me: Tarrant County Jail, can I help you?
Caller: Um yes, can you tell me if y’all have (name withheld) in jail?
Me: No ma’am, we don’t have anyone by that name.
Caller: No?
Me: No.
Caller: You don’t?
Me: No.
Caller: No?
Me: No.
Caller: Oh, okay… *click*.
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Me: Tarrant County Jail, can I help you?
Caller: Hello? Is this a machine, or am I talking to a person?
********
Me: Tarrant County Jail, can I help you?
Caller: Can you tell me if y’all got a Joe Ageagea in jail?
Me: Can you spell that name for me please?
Caller: J… O... E...
Me: No, ma’am, I meant his last name.
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Me: Tarrant County Jail, can I help you?
Caller: Can you tell me if (name withheld) has a release date yet?
Me: No ma’am, he doesn’t have a release date showing yet.
Caller: So … does that mean y’all are going to keep him in jail forever?!?
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Me: Tarrant County Jail, can I help you?
Caller: Yes sir, my wife took a pregnancy test while she was in your jail.
Me: Okay?
Caller: Can you tell me if she’s pregnant?
Me: I'm sorry, I don't have access to that information, you'll have to ask your wife.
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Me: Tarrant County Jail, can I help you?
Caller: Do you have the number to the jail in Tennessee?
Me: We don’t have any numbers for jails in Tennessee.
Caller: Well, he was there, and y'all transferred to Tennessee.
Me: Do you mean the jail in Tennessee Colony, TX, or the State of Tennessee?
Caller: Well, what’s the difference?
Me: Tennessee Colony is a city in northeastern Texas, and Tennesse is a State within the United States.
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Me: Tarrant County Jail, can I help you?
Caller: Can you tell me when (name withheld) is being released?
Me: He’s getting released tomorrow morning at 5am.
Caller: So that’s after midnight, right? Like, 1am, 2am, 3am, 4am and then 5am?
Me: Yes ma’am, 5am.
Caller: Okay, so he’s getting out at 5am tonight?
Me: No ma’am, 5am has already come and gone today. He’ll be getting out tomorrow morning at 5am.

[snoopyandpuppy]

Funny stuff.... hoping to get into driving when I retire from law enforcement in a couple years. I would love to write a book about the things I have seen or done on the job but folks would not believe it.......

[Roadhog]

Me: Tarrant County Jail, can I help you?
Caller: Is this the CAD Forum Index Detention Sub-Level Block D ??
Me: This is the Tarrant County Jail, Sir.
Caller: No...I don't WANT the Tarrent County Jail...
I'm an inmate at the Tarrant County Jail...
I wanna talk to Ridge Runner...over at the CAD Detention.

Me: (looking over at the pay phones on the wall)
...is that you Roadhog?
Caller: Noooooo....(spooked)(AAHHHHHhh... click- buzzz)(slinks away)

[Windwalker]

Every time I read something like this, I think about the TV show "STREET SMARTS". There are people like that in every part of the country, and there is no lack of them anywhere. It's really funny until you think that these people are actually driving and VOTING.