Whole bunch of trucking jokes
Got a kick outta some of these hopefully yall will too.
1)i heard schneider is getting in trouble out in pa, i heard there trucks go so slow its a hazard when the omish people try and pass them.
2)There also getting in trouble with the enviormentalists for animal cruelty, there trucks dont even go fast enough to kill the bug it just break there little arms and legs.
3)Schneider is having to put bug sheilds on there trailers now they dont even go fast enough to get out of the bugs way.
4)a swift driver came in the cb shop the other day i had a galexy 66 in the box and i turn the box upsit down told it was a 99 and he gave me $450 for it.
5)A week later that same swift driver bought a galexy 33 off a driver and i heard him hollor on the radio hows this galexy double E sound?
6)i guy told me he had a triple digit truck he said it ran 66.6mph
7)A truck driver was pulled over by a State Trooper. The patrolman told him to get out of the truck, and noticed that the driver appeared to be putting something in his mouth as he stepped out of the cab.
Figuring that the driver was putting away his pep pills, the patrolman asked, "Did I just see you swallow something?" "Yep, that was my birth control pill," said the driver.
"Birth control pill?" asked the patrolman.
"Yep, when I saw your flashing light, I knew I was screwed!"
8)Why doesn't JB hunt have a tanker division?
They lost too many drivers due to drowning when they tried installing load locks.
9)Have you heard about JB Hunts accident kit?
It consists of 2 gallons of orange paint and a paint brush
10)A truck driver was sitting down in a small roadside diner, minding his own business, and having a plate of spaghetti and a beer.
Before long, about 30 of the nastiest, meanest looking bikers come roaring in to the parking lot and boisterously enter the diner -- taking over the tiny place. The macho leader notices the trucker in the corner and goes over to "mark the territory."
He starts giving the trucker a hard time, but the trucker is not to be provoked. Soon the leader is frustrated by the trucker's lack of response and he dumps the trucker's spaghetti plate right on his head.
The trucker is covered with noodles and sauce is dripping down his face. He tells the leader he doesn't want any trouble and cleans away the mess with a towel provided by the proprietor.
The leader is not done with his provocation -- he tells the trucker he's a lily-livered sissy and dumps the trucker's beer right in his lap.
The trucker shoots to his feet -- the room is silent. The bikers think they're finally gonna see some action -- but the trucker just saunters over to the cash register, settles the check and strides out the door.
A minute or two passes and the leader decides to have the last word, "That guy sure isn't much of a man!"
About 10 seconds of silence follow-- The silence is shattered by the sound of mangled metal and thewords of the diner proprietor...
"And he sure isn't much of a driver either. Looks like he just ran over a whole bunch of those Harley's in the parking lot!"
11)Did You Hear About The JB Hunt Driver That Started Shooting At People At The Joplin Petro?
He Would Have Shot More But His Gun Ran Out Of Water
12)Why Did McDonalds Ban JB Hunt Drivers??
They Kept Tearing Up The Playground Equipment!
13)Why Does JB Hunt Paint Their Trailer Doors Yellow?
So The Driver Will Know Which End To Hook Up To
14)What Does Prime Inc Stand For?
Please remember I mortgaged everything I need cash
PRIME = Please Remeber I'm Missouri Educated
15)A truck driver would amuse himself by running over lawyers. Whenever he saw a lawyer walking down the side of the road he would swerve to hit him, enjoy the load, satisfying "THUMP", and then swerve back onto the road.
One day, as the truck driver was driving along he saw a priest hitchhiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the truck over. He asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?" "I'm going to the church 5 miles down the road," replied the priest. "No problem, Father! I'll give you a lift. Climb in the truck."
The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued down the road. Suddenly the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road and instinctively he swerved to hit him. But then he remembered there was a priest in the truck with him, so at the last minute he swerved back away, narrowly missing the lawyer.
However even though he was certain he missed the lawyer, he still heard a loud "THUD". Not understanding where the noise came from he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn't see anything, he turned to the priest and said, "I'm sorry Father. I almost hit that lawyer."
"I know", replied the priest. "Lucky I got him with the door!"
16)What Does Swift Stand For?
Slow Wagon In Fast Traffic!
Sure Wish I Finished Training!
Sure Wish I Had A Faster Truck!
Stop Whining I'm **** Trying!
Slow Women In Freightliner Trucks!
See What I **** Today
17)What's The Difference Between A Peterbilt & A Porcupine?
On the porcupine the ***** is on the outside
18)What Does A Schneider Truck & An Orange Barrel Have In Common?
They both have a dirt bag in them!
19)yal know the difference between a elephant and a state troopers car? an elephant as a trunk in the front and an ******* in the back
20) A gynecologist was getting tired of his job and decided to switch careers. He'd always enjoyed tinkering with truck engines, so he enrolled in a school for truck mechanics. When the class ended the students were given their final exam: strip a truck engine completely and reassemble it in perfect working order.
The gynecologist did his best - and was amazed to find he scored 150%. "How could that be?" he asked.
"Well," said the instructor, "I gave you 50% for taking the engine apart. Next, I gave you 50% for reassembling it - a fantastic job, really. And then I gave you a 50% bonus for doing it all through the exhaust pipe."
21)I was in the TA lot watching a swift truck trying to back into a hole for the night when after quite a bit of time, the Swift driver got on the radio for help;
I helped him back in and he wanted to give me 10 dollars, I replied no keep your weeks pay.
If your truck had a trailer on it I would accept it
22)Did you hear that Navistar International and Mack are going to merge?
The new truck will be called a Corn-Dog.
23)How Do You Say JB Hunt In German?
24)What Does ENGLAND Stand For?
Every New Guy Leaves After Ninety Days
25)Why Did JB Hunt Stop Running Doubles?
The top one kept falling off.
The bottom one kept getting hung on stop signs
26)A JB driver was wandering around the truck stop scale in a panic. A Swift driver walks over and says what is wrong JB.
The JB driver replies I am 2,500 lbs over gross and I only have to go 5 miles with it and there is a scale on the way. The Swift driver says well when you get up to the scale cut your lights off and coast on by.
The JB driver replies thats a good idea so they part ways. The Swift driver is traveling down the road when he notices the JB driver pulled over by the DOT. The Swift driver replies what happened JB, the trick didn't work?
The DOT replies no but it would have if it would have been night time...
27)What Do You Call A JB Hunt Truck With A Reefer Unit?
28)Why Do Some Roadway Trucks Have Only One Seat?
So The Driver Knows Which Side To Get In!
29)How Do You Make A Million Dollars In Trucking?
You Start With Two Million
30)What's The Difference Between A Jehovah's Witness & A Freightliner?
At Least You Can Close The Door On The Jehovah's Witness!
31)Why does JB Hunt paint their truck frames orange?
So when they roll their truck everyone will think its a Schneider truck.
32)What Do You Get When Swift Leaves A Truck Stop?
Two Parking Spaces
33)An old trucker that died and went to heaven was standing at the pearly gates with Saint Peter and there sat the prettiest fleet of Petes that he had ever seen. He asked how do you get to drive one of them Petes?
Saint Peter says we dont run them we get all kinds of drivers but we haven't got the first dispatcher.(sorrydipatch it was funny tho)
34)This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar, he sees a big sign on the door saying 'Nerds Not Allowed -- Enter At Your Own Risk!' He goes in and sits down.
The bartender comes over to him. "You smell kind of nerdy. What do you do for a living?"
"I drive a truck, and the smell is just from the computers I'm hauling."
"Okay, truck drivers are not nerds," he says and serves him a beer. As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt at least a foot too long.
The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away. The truck driver is totally shocked.
"Why did you do that?"
"Not to worry, the nerds are overpopulating Silicon Valley and are in season now. You don't even need a license." The truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and heads back onto the freeway.
Suddenly, he veers to avoid an accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the freeway. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, grabbing up the computers. They are all engineers, accountants, and programmers wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen.
He can't let them steal his whole load. So, remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, killing several of them instantly.
A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop. "What's wrong? I thought nerds were in season," says the truck driver.
"Well, sure," says the patrolman. "But you can't bait 'em."
35)A state trooper noticed a JB Hunt trailer upside down in the median with no tractor attached to it. The officer raced up the highway and soon caught up with a JB Hunt bobtail rig.
He pulled the bobtail over and took the driver back to the scene of the accident. The driver looked at the upside down trailer and responded; "thats not my trailer.... Mine had wheels on the bottom."
A JB Hunt driver passed a Swift truck on the interstate. Swift flashed his lights letting JB know it was ok to come back over. The JB Driver put his right turn signal on and switched lanes to the slow lane, then the shoulder, then finally off the road altogether.
The Swift driver stopped and asked JB what happened. The JB driver exclaimed the dang turn signal got stuck!
36)A new JB Hunt driver had an over gross load and the shipper was closed. The JB driver called dispatch and asked what he should do. The dispatcher said just drive around the scale.
When the JB Hunt driver pulled into the next dot scale he dodged the scale by driving across the scale masters back lawn. When the Scale Master chased the JB driver down and questioned him the driver said "my dispatcher told me to drive around the scale."
37)What does ROADWAY really Stand For?
Really Old *** Driver Working Another Year
38)A trucker driving along on the freeway notices a road sign in the distance that reads 'Low Bridge Ahead.'
Sure enough, the trucker gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police officer arrives at the scene. The cop gets out of his cruiser and walksaround to the truck driver. He puts his hands on his hips and remarks, "Looks like you got stuck, huh?"
The trucker replies sarcastically, "No, officer, actually I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas
39)What does WERNER Stand For?
We Employ Rednecks No Experience Required!
40)What does CRST Stand For?
Caution Really Stupid Trucker!
Caution Really Slow Truck!
41)Why Are Truckers Like Dogs?
They **** on tires, chase cars, live in a box, and once in a while get to bury the bone.
42)Why are Interstate Dist. Co. Trucks painted green?
So you wont notice them laying on their side in the ditch
43)What is considered driver promotion at Interstate Dist. Co.?
Being hired by Swift
44)What Does PTL Stand For?
1) Part Time Layover
2) Pathetic Truck Line
A job with a poor company and a little income is better than no job at all.