A Woman
I think Santa Claus is a woman….I hate to be the one to defy a sacred myth, but I believe he’s a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off!
Or Christmas is a man's idea of how to bribe those brats to behave long enough for the old man to gift his old lady in time to "get some" on New Year's. Then they are all satisfied long enough for him to enjoy the Super Bowl.
For starters, the vast majority of men don’t even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. On this count alone, I’m convinced Santa is a woman.
If a woman were Santa, Christmas would be the Saturday after Black Friday. What the hell, you already cook a dayum Turkey and relatives you don't even like are messing up your beautiful house. You think a woman wants to go through all that again a month later?
Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the bag.
Or a talking Bass. I don't get your point here?
Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen’s rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist.
Ya....so? Ummm you gonna eat that steak, or not? ..........and WHAT...a female Claus is gonna make those cute Deer work on Christmas Eve, in the cold? She would have to dress them all in sweaters and booties, and without whipping their tick infested carcass, how you gonna get them to pull the overloaded Sleigh? 
Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he’d still have transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.
Santa uses a reindeer so drunk his nose is glowing as his
navigator.
Other reasons why Santa can’t possibly be a man:
- Men can’t pack a bag.
Hire Lumpers. Santa is a Driver.
- Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
When was the last time you saw a woman in a red velvet suit?
The fact Santa can ignore "fashion" and wear the same suit
for 500 years proves he couldn't possibly be a woman.
- Men don’t answer their mail.
Santa answers mail?
- Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as anything remotely resembling a “bowlful of jelly.”
Beer belly is more accurate. Men don't look in mirrors, sooooo? again, yer point?
- Men aren’t interested in stockings unless somebody’s wearing them. :wink:
And women aren't interested in stockings unless someone
better looking than them is wearing them.
- Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women. :P
As many presents as Santa delivers he has no trouble
with babes. It's amazing how grateful a woman is when
you deliver a nice diamond solitaire.
- Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment. :shock:
And also requires the ability to stay up for 24 hours
straight in the cold with a bunch of mangy deer and going
up and down soot infested chimneys. You think a woman would
go down a chimney and risk staining that red velvet? Of
course not.
Guess What Santa is.......
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Originally Posted by Trukrswyfe
8).... sorry. 
