pilot gripes

[ceb]

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.

After every flight, UPS ( United Parcel Service ) pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet,"which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS's pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks caused throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last..................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

[Drew10]

I was a Commercial Pilot from 1992-2002. Military Flight crew prior to that.
That joke has been running around for at least 20yrs. Ive seen it with different carriers.
When I was in the Airforce it didnt have a carrier but just had it referenced as a "sqwak" sheet. (Aircraft descrepncie sheet)

Dont know if its all true or not, some may be.

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane,

It doesnt require a college degree/education to fly a plane(commercially) however: to be employed by an airline you would need to show a college degree in almost anything to be employable.

[ceb]

I was a Commercial Pilot from 1992-2002. Military Flight crew prior to that.
That joke has been running around for at least 20yrs. Ive seen it with different carriers.
When I was in the Airforce it didnt have a carrier but just had it referenced as a "sqwak" sheet. (Aircraft descrepncie sheet)

Dont know if its all true or not, some may be.

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane,

It doesnt require a college degree/education to fly a plane(commercially) however: to be employed by an airline you would need to show a college degree in almost anything to be employable.

thanks for clearing that up. God forbid you just read it and laugh

[Drew10]

Sorry, I wasnt busting on it, It still is funny,

I just see it pop up from time to time troughout ciberspace.

[RebelDarlin]

It is funny Ceb. Thank you I needed a laugh tonight!

[southernpride]

Oh god i needed that!