The middle wife

[Trukrswyfe]

>>Subject: Middle Wife
>Date: Thu, 2 Aug 2007 19:33:12 -0700 (PDT)
>
>I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but >the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade >classroom a few years back.
>
> When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions >with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, >show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles,
> model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I >never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to >lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.
>
> Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, >takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow >stuffed under her sweater.
>
> She holds up a snapshot of an infant. "This is Luke, my baby brother, >and I'm going to tell you about his birthday."
>
> "First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put >a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months >through an umbrella cord."
>
> She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to >laugh and wishing I had
> my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.
>
> "Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, Oh, >Oh, Oh!' Erica puts
> a hand behind her back and groans. "She walked around the house for, >like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk >and groaning.)
>
> "My Dad called the Middle Wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't >have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down >in bed like this." (Then Erica lies down with
> her back against the wall.)
>
> "And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case >he got thirsty, and it just
> blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!" (This kid has >her legs spread with her
> little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!)
>
> "Then the Middle Wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, >breathe.' They started counting, but never even got past ten.
> Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother.!!! He was covered in yucky >stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center, so there must be a >lot of toys inside there."
>
> Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat