One liners

[Trukrswyfe]

Passing this one along

Smile
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.

Marriage changes passion.
Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it.
So I said: Implants?" She hit me.

How come we choose from just two people to run for
President and over fifty for Miss America ?


I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."

Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!

Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?

Wouldn't you know it... Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.

Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside?

Bumper sticker of the year: "If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English, thank a soldier"

And remember:
life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

[Random_Facts]

When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."

LOL. That's funny right there.

[Drew10]

How come we choose from just two people to run for
President and over fifty for Miss America ?

Aint that the truth...

How come more people vote in the "American Idol" contests, than vote for the President of the United States.

[RebelDarlin]

How come more people vote in the "American Idol" contests, than vote for the President of the United States.

Because they can phone it in. To actually go to a polling place to vote is "too inconvenient". Sad isn't it?