Manual for men

[continental]

Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. You don't
hear us complaining you leaving it down.

Birthdays, Valentine days and anniversaries are not considered by us to be opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present...again.

Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Just live with it.

Sunday=sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair.

Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Obvious hints don't work. Just ask for it.

We don't remember dates... Period.

Most guys own three pair of shoes. Tops. What makes you think we'd be any good chosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every questions.

Come to us with with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

A headache that lasts 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact all comments become null and void after seven days.

If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We've been tricked before.

If something we said can be interpreted in two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway. It's genetic.

You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Peach is a fruit. Not a color. So is pumpkin. We have no idea what mauve is.

If it itches it will be scratched. We do that.

Beer is as exciting to us as handbags are for you.

If we ask what's wrong and you say nothing, we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, it's just not worth the hassle.